To be a cool wife?

[OliBonas]

This is very outing and I’m sure all my friends and family have a lot to say about this so I’ve named changed.
A few weeks ago DH was away with work, this is a regular occurrence. During the time he was tagged in a post on FB by one of his workmates. In the picture a young lady is sat on his lap. There’s a crowd of them and it looks to me as if she is just squeezing into the picture.
Oddly, the woman in question is friends with our oldest son (all my family work within the same industry, very small world) and he is really angry with his dad. And he thinks I should be angry too. DS thinks that this girl has a crush on his dad (she’s very pretty and DH looks like a normal bloke, he’s also a granddad so far older than her) and that I should be wary.
AIBU for believing DH that nothing is going on?

Sitting on a much older married mans knee for a pic?? Seriously nobody does that unless somethings either starting or going on... why did your husband allow her to do that?

Agree with SerenDippitty
There are other ways of squeezing into a photo.
Does your DS know for certain she has a crush on your DH?
Is he jealous? or does he simply think it's a bit 'icky'?
YANBU to trust your DH.

I've never worked anywhere where sitting on a colleagues knee was ok.

This is your DS issue. If he is friends with this girl he can tell her that he thinks her behaviour is inappropriate.

I would also be really wary here of what your DS is trying to tell you.

You come across as rather naive OP. I have seen plenty of young attractive women have affairs with colleagues old enough to be their father.

young girl

This is not a "young girl". She is an adult in a working environment.

I think you’re son maybe has a crush on her.

I’d be the same as you though and it wouldn’t bother me, my partner is a big old flirt but I think if he’s gunna cheat that’s his call and I’ll deal with it if it happens!

Funny tho I had a dream last night about my partner cheating on me!!

I could see my dads affair coming a mile off (without actually knowing) because the young woman (a few years older than me) was making such an obvious play for him. However when I told my mum that I thought this person was after my dad she laughed and said not to worry, she trusted my dad and she had nothing to worry about. Sadly I was proved right and I now haven't seen or spoken to him in over a decade due to how appallingly he treated my mum when the affair came out and royally shafted her during the divorce process. Totally different man to the one I knew growing up and followed 'the script' to a tee.

I think you’re being quite naive. I trust my DH but he also respects me enough not to have other women sitting on his knee.

I also think your son is right to think that this is a boundary crossed.

Sounds like your son fancies her and is being jealous, or that and he thinks he's being cock blocked by his dad

"I've never worked anywhere where sitting on a colleagues knee was ok."

Agreed. I've had a couple of female friends at work who nearly lost their jobs after similar incidents. There doesn't have to be an affair going on for it to be unprofessional behaviour.

Go with your instincts.

Its unprofessional. Bit crass.
I'd tell DH it makes him look a it compromised.
I could never imagine sitting on the one of ANY single boss I e ever worked for.
Male or female.
It's not the sexual undertone, it just looks tacky

I’d be a little concerned that your ds maybe knows more than he’s letting on, and is trying to warn you.

I think your husband is being disrespectful for you. Look at all the mixed opinions on here (obviously everyone has different boundaries) your RL friends and acquaintances are going to be making assumptions about their relationship and it’s open for interpretation.
Has your DS spoken to his dad about how he feels?

I would be really pissed off if my dh allowed someone to sit on his knee. It’s just not appropriate, IMO.

Lastly, it is NOT your ds place to tell you what is or isn’t acceptable behaviour wise. I would wonder where the idea he can tell you how to behave or what to accept is coming from. It sounds like a very sexist attitude (I am the man therefore I know) but you know your ur ds and will be able to say if this is the case or not.

I am afraid lots of men, can not spot sexist behaviour. They tend to know a lot less than women when it comes to sexism.

Actually, I think ds is well placed to feel this isnt ok. It's his friend and (from what i understand) colleague. But he should be speaking to his dad

Unless the son has form for telling the OP what to do or complaining about his dads behaviour needlessly, I would be thinking about what he said and why he came to his mother. Is it because he cant talk to his father, or is it because he thinks his father has already crossed a line and thinks his either should know.

Nowhere does it indicate that the reason is because he fancies her. I imagine seeing a friend crush over your dad is enough to put anyone off.

And quite frankly, lots of people implicitly trust their other halfs. Often it's the right thing, but sometimes it's a mistake.

If someone from the outside is commenting on their behaviour. It's at least worth considering.

I can't agree that the son's behaviour is necessarily sexist. It could be, but then I would be similarly disappointed if my mother happily accepted such disrespectful treatment from my dad in order to be seen as tolerant and not wanting to look like a nag or a bossy wife (which is what he obviously thinks you are doing with the "cool wife" comment).

I think some PPs are trying to psychoanalyse this to the nth degree and paint the son as something he probably is not. Of course it would be embarrassing for your mate to be sat on your dad's lap. He doesn't have to fancy her for that to make him cringe. It would have made me cringe inside out if I saw a photo of my female friend draped over my father. It's inappropriate.

How many women here would sit on a male work colleague's lap - whatever the ages involved, however tight the squeeze, and however well you knew them?

But I'm not cool (I prefer to maintain professional boundaries), so what do I know.

As other PP have said.

It’s fine to fully trust your partner/DH.

However it is massively lacking in respect to allow another woman to sit in his knee.

And why his knee and no one else’s?

Were there other women in the picture this woman could have squeezed in next to?

I would find this questionable and disrespectful. And inappropriate.