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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my partner should stop smoking weed every single God damn night?

66 replies

Picklemuncher123 · 05/07/2019 22:38

I've been with him almost 4 years. We are engaged we are happy and have a beautiful baby boy. Sadly my fiances dad passed away 2 weeks ago. We own the 3 bedroom flat we live in which is situated in a block of 2. Before I met my partner I didnt know he smoked weed. When we moved in together and bought this place he smoked weed once a week. Over the last year hes smoked it every single night and I've let it go.. only now , residents of both blocks have noticed the smell and the guy above us has told everyone that he knows it's my dp that is smoking it. I now fear for mine and my little boys safety. I'm so angry that my dp is doing this and quite frankly doesn't give two shits about our safety. He wont even give me a reason as to why he does it. He was doing it before his dad passed. But I feel I cant get angry or get mad with him because his dad only passed two weeks ago

I really sont know what to do. I cant force him to stop but it's gotten to a stage where I wish we didnt live here anymore and Its all his fault because other people in the block are threatening the police and all sorts. :(

OP posts:
PodgeBod · 05/07/2019 22:39

Is he smoking in the flat with the baby?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/07/2019 22:39

You let someone smoke weed where your child lives?

Original poster
Picklemuncher123 · 05/07/2019 22:41

He smokes outside sorry I should have said.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 05/07/2019 22:44

Obviously You are being unreasonable and he totally should smoke weed every single day...

Oh wait....

Original poster
Picklemuncher123 · 05/07/2019 22:45

I just need someone to talk about it to..hence why I've came here..I'm embarrassed to tell anyone else.

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/07/2019 22:45

If all the other residents can smell it then your baby is breathing it in too. Give your head a wobble.

NotStayingIn · 05/07/2019 22:46

Could you explain what you mean by this?

I now fear for mine and my little boys safety. I'm so angry that my dp is doing this and quite frankly doesn't give two shits about our safety.

How are you worried you now aren’t safe? Are you worried the neighbours might turn on you, or you will get evicted? Or that your partner will turn violent? Has your partner changed in his behaviour?

Sorry I’m just not sure what you mean. X

Decormad38 · 05/07/2019 22:48

I bet your house stinks! It has a strong smell. That alone would do my head in!

TwistyTop · 05/07/2019 22:48

Speak to him about SIDS. A lot of people don't understand how serious this is. If he still doesn't care after learning about SIDS then that's a bloody big wake up call for you.

PooWillyBumBum · 05/07/2019 22:50

He needs to grow up. How long before someone raises safeguarding concerns? And every day - what a waste of time and money! It sounds like your DF has an addiction he needs to face up to.

Original poster
Picklemuncher123 · 05/07/2019 22:53

My boy is 21 months old for reference.

So toddler baby boy. When I mention I'm worried about our safety. The guy above is a nutter and has made 2nd hand threats to other residents about us. What on earth do I do? My dp just doesn't get it and doesn't listen . How do I get through to him at the moment?

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 05/07/2019 22:54

I don't know how much weed costs but does he have a good job to pay for it. as that money should be for your dc and bills.

PodgeBod · 05/07/2019 22:55

The best solution would be for your DP to stop smoking weed, if he can't do that then I would at least insist that he finds a place to smoke that won't disturb the neighbours. That will depend a lot on where you live, it might not be possible. But weed smells awful if you don't smoke it, so if i was one of your neighbours I wouldn't just let this go.

Original poster
Picklemuncher123 · 05/07/2019 22:55

He doesn't even disclose this to me..he tells me 20 pound a month . But I'm not a smoker or drug taker so how would I know how much it costs to smoke it every night

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 05/07/2019 22:57

Give him an ultimatum: you and your baby or weed.

Akire · 05/07/2019 22:57

I doubt the police would be interested but if your child is going to nursery and stinking of it there will be concerns raised. I live in a flat my neighbours smoke and have to close windows and roast in the heat it’s awful.

Until he wants to give up there not much you can do, but if it’s now a deal breaker for you he has to decided what he wants to do.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/07/2019 22:58

What on earth do I do? My dp just doesn't get it and doesn't listen . How do I get through to him at the moment?

Either put him out or you leave with the baby.

PodgeBod · 05/07/2019 22:59

Smoking every night for £20 a month? He is lying.

Whisky2014 · 05/07/2019 23:01

Lol at £20 a month.

You're being taken for a fool!

NotStayingIn · 05/07/2019 23:04

Oh shit that does sound scary about the neighbour. Also £20 doesn’t sound right to me if you smoke every night. I would think it’s more.

It’s so difficult as I imagine you have tried everything and tried to talk about it to him. Could you make a point by staying with someone for a while? Maybe he needs a big wake up call if talking isn’t working?

LauderSyme · 05/07/2019 23:05

Unless he's smoking actual weeds pulled from verges there's no way he's only spending £20 a month. Do you know how many joints he smokes per day?

He has a dependency which has escalated. Bereavement will probably entrench it. If he's unwilling to face up to it or even discuss it, there's nothing you can do. You may need to make plans to leave to safeguard yourself and your child. I am so sorry you're in this situation.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/07/2019 23:05

Hi OP

So he has smoked weed since you've known him and smoked every night for the last year. And you want to bring it up with him 14 days after his dad died.

He may be unreasonable to smoke every night (let's get to that in a minute) but YABU to wait that long and bring it up right now. At least wait another few weeks til things are slightly less raw.

He is clearly being an unreasonable neighbour if they are so annoyed they are making threats (though I'd class second hand threats as venting unless you know the person has a history of attacking people). He needs to find somewhere else - shed, garage, friends house etc.

I guess whether hes being unreasonable in terms of family life, you need to establish - is it affecting finances, does it affect your time together (is it a quick 15 min after work or a few hours each night), is he himself after or do you feel like you're spending time with different person etc and most importantly has he put your child in danger eg second hand smoke (or is it after the baby is in bed only), has he ever driven or looked after the baby under the influence, what would he be like if he had to look after the baby by himself etc

CoolCarrie · 05/07/2019 23:06

20 pounds a month my arse! More like 20 a day. Get rid of him ASAP your child deserves better.

Original poster
Picklemuncher123 · 05/07/2019 23:14

It's a quick 15 minute smoke each evening. Just one smoke per evening. That's all it is..not hours. I haven't just bought it up after his dad has died I've bought it up months ago and told him how much I cannot stand it. And weve just had a huge row now over it and hes told me he doesn't think its affecting anyone. He doesn't even think its affecting me and our boy. I'm at a loss. Does anyone know how much it would be costing him ?

OP posts:
MrsT4 · 05/07/2019 23:17

Don't smoke - never have. But £20 a month is easily feasible even with a smoke every night. If he's using a Vape or bong these use very little and weed is relatively cheap. He's probably telling the truth there.