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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gift demands for Sil's boyfriends children

95 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 05/07/2019 16:17

My Sil has been dating a guy for around a year or so (not sure on the exact length). They don't live together. He has two children from a previous marriage. Dh has just received a message from his sister saying it's one of their birthdays so please sort out a card and gift for them, I'll send a list of things they like. Isn't this a bit cheeky, do people get gifts for the children of someone your sister is dating? We haven't even meet the children and dh has only met the his sisters boyfriend once. I'm really unsure if this is a thing?? AIBU to think she is being cheeky

OP posts:

QueenBeee · 05/07/2019 19:09

Do it once they live together or marry.

Leeds2 · 05/07/2019 19:14

Maybe tell her that you will buy for her BF's children, but that from now on it will be children's gifts only so you/DH will not buy for her, and she doesn't buy for you.
Personally, I wouldn't buy for children I had never met.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 05/07/2019 19:15

My DB has a soon to be step daughter who we buy for as if she was a blood related niece, but we see her all the time and she’s been in our family for years now.
I don’t know when we started buying for her, but I wouldn’t have done in your circumstances, you’ve never met the child! It would be odd!! Also my SILTB has always said she doesn’t expect anything for DSN as she has a whole other family who buy for her. We choose to buy for her so she knows she is as important to us as the rest of the nieces and nephews.
Your SIL is definitely a CF.

hazell42 · 05/07/2019 19:15

She is trying yo ensure that they are included and treated as part of your family.
She isnt being subtle about it but her heart is in the right place. That doesnt really make her a cf

Wonkybanana · 05/07/2019 19:33

She is trying yo ensure that they are included and treated as part of your family.
She isnt being subtle about it but her heart is in the right place.

You can't know that for sure, any more than those saying she's being grabby can be sure. We don't know her.

I know which side of the fence I'm on based on what we've got here, but I don't know her motives.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 05/07/2019 19:42

Oh, FFS, it is always CFery to send someone a gift request with list if they don't ask for it first. All this 'everyone needs to be included or ickle hurty feelings' and 'it's not fair' blah blah blah is ridiculous. It's her boyfriend's kids. She has no business sending a fucking demand for gifts and a bloody list. Ignore away!

Sweetpea55 · 05/07/2019 19:52

I'd be telling her to bog off.. Sending a list of gifts that you could buy for kids you have never met let alone have a connection with is the hight of cheeky fuckery.

clucky3 · 05/07/2019 19:59

*So your Sil buys your kids presents, but you won’t buy her partner’s kids’ presents?

Why? Are they’re not related to you enough yet? Will this change in the future?*

She's never even met the kids!

BackforGood · 05/07/2019 19:59

She is trying yo ensure that they are included and treated as part of your family
She isnt being subtle about it but her heart is in the right place. That doesnt really make her a cf

No, if she were trying to make sure they were being included and treated as part of her family, possibly because she is moving to the next level of commitment, then she would be arranging events to ensure they had the opportunity to start to meet her family - perhaps inviting you round for tea or to a BBQ or something.
Once the OP, her dh, and their children start to get to know them and start to see SiL and her partner and his dc as being 'a unit', then the OP and her dh will start to think about maybe getting this new extended family something at Christmas and Birthdays. At this point though, they don't know the dc.

Itssosunny · 05/07/2019 20:09

I don't think the £5 vs £50 thing is necessarily cheeky.

It's different because in your case because OP's would actually tell her what to buy so it's cheeky on her part.

Itssosunny · 05/07/2019 20:10

I don't think the £5 vs £50 thing is necessarily cheeky.

It's different in your case because OP's SIL would actually tell her what to buy so it's cheeky on her part.

Itssosunny · 05/07/2019 20:14

Buy a gift card and that's it. They can always buy with it what they want. One4all is great as you can put whatever amount of money you want to. Argos is great for toys and for gift cards. Amazon card is available in £15, £25 and £50 I think. I'd go for one4all.

Shootingstar1115 · 05/07/2019 20:23

Hmm.. if you had met children and had a relationship with them, maybe if they were married I’d say a card or present is needed but if you barely know them then no, no present imo.

It is very cheeky. Even if you were in the position to buy them gifts it would still be rude to give you a list tbh.

Saying that, my uncles ex girlfriend used to buy me and my brother lovely gifts growing up. We didn’t expect it but she liked to do so. But we were close to her!

PepsiLola · 05/07/2019 21:51

There is no way in my right mind would I buy a present for someone I'd never met

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 05/07/2019 21:52

Your DP is going to end up as an enabler if he's always too afraid to upset her when she's being unreasonable. You've never met the kids. They have nothing to do with you at this point in time.

altiara · 05/07/2019 22:08

£1 box of Maltesers. Everyone’s happy, especially the kids, probably not SIL but she sounds demanding.
Stop buying SIL the £50 gifts and buy a cheap photo frame- photo choice ideally SIL with niece/nephew. Add a box of maltesers - smashed it. Milestone birthday - repeat and add mini bottle of prosecco.

Marlena1 · 06/07/2019 00:25

To be fair, she does buy for your children. I think for such a small amount, is it really worth the fallout And yes I know you've never met the child but it is yout SIL's partner's child and in her eyes (even if not yours) part of the family. Not saying I agree she should have asked but might be a nice gesture.

fargo123 · 06/07/2019 01:04

YANBU
I'd never buy a present for someone I'd never even met, unless I was invited to their party, in which case it's polite to take something.

Tavannach · 06/07/2019 01:14

Isn't the boyfriend going to think that's a bit weird?
Whatever, agree with pps that your DH should deal with this and not designate it as "wife work".

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 06/07/2019 03:04

Your SIL is your DC's aunt. Your DH isn't related to her boyfriend's children. There's no guarantee they will even be in her life a year from now, let alone yours. I agree with a £1 box of Maltesers or similar. A token gift is all that's needed, if anything.

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