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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift demands for Sil's boyfriends children

95 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 05/07/2019 16:17

My Sil has been dating a guy for around a year or so (not sure on the exact length). They don't live together. He has two children from a previous marriage. Dh has just received a message from his sister saying it's one of their birthdays so please sort out a card and gift for them, I'll send a list of things they like. Isn't this a bit cheeky, do people get gifts for the children of someone your sister is dating? We haven't even meet the children and dh has only met the his sisters boyfriend once. I'm really unsure if this is a thing?? AIBU to think she is being cheeky

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 05/07/2019 17:09

So if she already asks for £50 gifts for herself but gives you £5 gifts then she is already compensating herself for the fact that she buys for your kids but doesn't have kids of her own for you to buy for.

She is seriously cheeky. She just wants to use you to show off I think, "oh x's new girlfriend and her family are great" bla bla and she can pass on the gifts and wallow in the praise

Andylion · 05/07/2019 17:11

Why? Are they’re not related to you enough yet? Will this change in the future?

At this point, they are not related at all to the OP. I don't even think you'd say they were related to the Op's SiL.

OP, if you do this now, imagine her demands in the future if they move in together or marry.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/07/2019 17:25

I wouldn't buy gifts for children that I had never met and/or had no relationship with unless it was because was invited to their party, no matter who they are. And then it would just be a card and £5.

There is no reply declining her 'request' that won't escalate things to 'Well, then I just won't buy Nephew anything when his birthday rolls round!'. Personally, I'd probably be OK with that. I'm sure her gift won't be missed. But unless you want to call her on it and deal with her fallout, I'd probably just ignore the request, not buy a gift, and see what happens.

You do realize, don't you, that this is setting things up for you to give gifts to his children and the children of any future boyfriends as SiL deems fit? Has she made this same demand of her parents?

ElizaPancakes · 05/07/2019 17:28

I’m sure she’s coming from this with the angle that she treats them like family so her family should also treat them like family.

However, it’s not reasonable to expect family members to buy for children they have never met, especially if it’s not a ‘serious’ relationship in that they’re engaged or living together.

I wouldn’t even do a card tbh, coz a kid will notice a card on its own and then resent no present, but won’t notice the absence of both.

NailsNeedDoing · 05/07/2019 17:28

Of course she's being cheeky, but if your dh wants to go and buy, wrap and deliver a present to pander to his sister, let him crack on. You don't have to oblige, I wouldn't in your position.

BackforGood · 05/07/2019 17:30

AnneLovesGilbert he hasn't but Sil has given our ds a gift for his birthday and Christmas.

Well, yes, that'll be because she is related to them, and has known them since they were born.

OP has no relationship with these dc.
Of course you aren't expected to get them something.

Alconleigh · 05/07/2019 17:33

Absolutely not. You have no relationship with them and have never met them. It would be really odd to buy them presents.

fedup21 · 05/07/2019 17:36

She has form for being quite entitled, like asking for gifts worth 50 pounds for Christmas and getting me and dh something worth 5 pounds each.

She sounds awful and I absolutely wouldn’t be doing what she was telling me!

Itssosunny · 05/07/2019 17:37

I'd buy a gift card, e.g. Argos or Amazon or one4all (Post Office sells them) which has a card inside to write down a few lines . Don't buy what they want.

Wonkybanana · 05/07/2019 17:39

Thank goodness, because dh thinks we should just get a gift so we don't upset his sister. He thinks it's odd and cheeky but doesn't want a fallout with his sister over it.

Then now, when you are not being at all unreasonable to say no, would be a good time to start standing up to her.

I hate these 'we have to do what she wants or she'll be upset' kinds of relationships.

AyBeeCee10 · 05/07/2019 17:40

Yanbu. Shes bloody cheeky and clearly doesnt understand how this gifts for the kids thing works. They are random children to you, why be bullied into it so not to upset the dear madam.
I would also stop buying things for Christmas wish list and spend exactly what she spends on you and dh.

Harveywallplanner · 05/07/2019 17:40

@FannyGall0ps, are you the sil?

Jux · 05/07/2019 17:43

At most a £10 voucher for Smith's, but no, I wouldn't and it wouldn't even occur to dh that such a ing might be done Grin

I would explain that, due to safeguarding, it is extremely unwise to encourage children to accept gifts from people they have never met, which is true anyway.

She can hardly make a fuss if it's clear you're considering the children's lng-term safety.

(My autocorrect changed 'children' to 'chien'! I assume these are real childrenand not someone's doted upon pets? Grin )

Itssosunny · 05/07/2019 17:48

"She has form for being quite entitled, like asking for gifts worth 50 pounds for Christmas and getting me and dh something worth 5 pounds each."

But you could also send her a wishlist for £50? That's the best way to teach her a lesson.

FannyGall0ps · 05/07/2019 17:49

Lol! Definitely not Grin

I just think that the kind thing to do is buy a small (not £50 off a predetermined list, that’s bonkers) present.

It’s an act of goodwill towards someone that may become her Niece/Nephew one day.

Why not just do the kind thing?

Itssosunny · 05/07/2019 17:53

I think your SIL wants a present from you to make her boyfriend and his children feel accepted by her side of the family. She tries too hard.

BackforGood · 05/07/2019 18:11

Why not just do the kind thing?

Because they don't know these dc
they have never met them
They have no relationship with them
They are not - as far as has been posted - being invited to meet them.

It would be incredibly odd to send a present to them.

DioneTheDiabolist · 05/07/2019 18:17

It's your DH's sister. Leave it to him to sort out.

mimibunz · 05/07/2019 18:21

I think a card with five quid would be fine. Maybe the child doesn’t get much for birthdays? Still v cheeky!

AlwaysCheddar · 05/07/2019 18:33

Nothing! You haven’t even met him!!!

Summertimeatthebeach · 05/07/2019 18:58

Maybe she intends to pass the gift off as from herself? Too tight to buy one so gets you to!!
Since you know my username op, can you send me a new dress? About £50 should get a decent one....
Address is 23 Cheeky Twat Avenue. ..
Cheers!!

TowelNumber42 · 05/07/2019 19:00

I don't think the £5 vs £50 thing is necessarily cheeky. When I was poor I had to budget carefully for presents. If I had £50 and ten people to buy for then they all got a £5 gift. If SIL has spent, say, £5 on you and DH each and £20 on each of your children then actually she's spent £50 on you not £5 I'd say.

Still an insane request for the boyfriend's kids though.

ISpeakJive · 05/07/2019 19:03

It's obviously her way of trying to impress him with her 'amazing, giving and generous' family!
A very simple no should do it.

stayathomer · 05/07/2019 19:05

I thought she was asking for your dhto help HER buy a gift!!! If you're going to the bday then do, if not don't!!!

TheWernethWife · 05/07/2019 19:09

I agree with some posters, if DH wants a present bought then he should be the one to do it, what's with this "wifework" shite.

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