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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift demands for Sil's boyfriends children

95 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 05/07/2019 16:17

My Sil has been dating a guy for around a year or so (not sure on the exact length). They don't live together. He has two children from a previous marriage. Dh has just received a message from his sister saying it's one of their birthdays so please sort out a card and gift for them, I'll send a list of things they like. Isn't this a bit cheeky, do people get gifts for the children of someone your sister is dating? We haven't even meet the children and dh has only met the his sisters boyfriend once. I'm really unsure if this is a thing?? AIBU to think she is being cheeky

OP posts:
Summertimeatthebeach · 05/07/2019 16:41

Sounds like her demands need calling out imo.
She sounds a cf to me!

steppemum · 05/07/2019 16:42

I’d reply saying the children might find it a bit odd to get presents from people they’ve never met, so you won’t be doing gifts this year. But then soften the blow/avoid arguments by suggesting all getting together some time so you can get to know the boyfriend?

i think this is a great solution.

and to the person who said just stick a tenner in a card, that is how much we spend on our actual neices and nephews, by agreement we do small token gifts, after all I now have 13 to buy for and it gets expensive. I always love the way mn throws tenners round as if they are not real money, to some of us ten quid is a significant part of our budget.

CalmdownJanet · 05/07/2019 16:43

I'd just say "The kids we never met? Of the boyfriend you don't live with that we have met once? Hahahaha ya right"

NotAsDrunkAsYouThinkIAm · 05/07/2019 16:44

Tell her to get in the bin!

PinkCrayon · 05/07/2019 16:44

Looks like I am the only one that would 🤣 I can understand why you wouldnt in your situation though if your husband hasnt met them.

GabriellaMontez · 05/07/2019 16:45

When you've met them you could rethink. But for now she's really cheeky.

BlueJag · 05/07/2019 16:45

Hard no for me.

Quartz2208 · 05/07/2019 16:46

SIL has an adult step daughter we have met a handful of times. Twice she has come to our house for a Christmas get together and we have bought some gifts then as felt it appropriate that we should as it was sharing out gifts

That is the only time we have

Apolloanddaphne · 05/07/2019 16:46

Maybe as time goes by and you have met them etc you would buy them gifts for their birthday but not if you have never met them.

LittleLongDog · 05/07/2019 16:46

I would take this is a sign her relationship is serious and would suggest you all meet up.

As a child I had cards from aunties/uncles I’d hardly met and it made me feel special.

Sending a card won’t do any harm and might do some good.

omafiet · 05/07/2019 16:48

So the kids will be getting gifts from their father's girlfriend's brother and sister-in-law, even though they've never met them? Most odd. I'd tell her to jog on.

Gth1234 · 05/07/2019 16:48

I am sure the SIL's partner won't expect it, (he would be pleasantly surprised, I am sure) so it's more a matter of how you feel about it.

Purpletigers · 05/07/2019 16:51

Haha no ! She wants you to buy her boyfriend’s children presents . Children you’ve never met !

Original poster
TheCheekOfSomePeople · 05/07/2019 16:51

LittleLongDog I think it's more like another poster suggested, she feels because she buys something for our child that we should buy something for the children in her life.
She has form for being quite entitled, like asking for gifts worth 50 pounds for Christmas and getting me and dh something worth 5 pounds each.

OP posts:
StroppyWoman · 05/07/2019 16:51

She's being weird. She doesn't live with them, and you don't know them. Why would you buy gifts for kids you've never met and aren't remotely related to you? Just ignore it.

Should they become a family and you get to know them at family occasions, obviously that would be a different story.

DogbertDogglesworth · 05/07/2019 16:51

It would be a big fat sod off from me.
To both the request and demands.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 05/07/2019 16:53

I'd completely ignore this. Just ignore it entirely. If she then strops, you just tell her 'Sorry, but our budget doesn't extend to buying presents for your boyfriend's children.'

StroppyWoman · 05/07/2019 16:53

She buys a gift for her niece/nephew, not for "a child in your life". Because your child is her family. Her boyfriend's kids (whom you've never met) aren't your family.

ZenNudist · 05/07/2019 16:57

Just no

CraicMammy · 05/07/2019 16:57

It’s your DH’s sister? Well if he wants to buy presents let him... I don’t see why it should be added to your mental load x

TheBrockmans · 05/07/2019 16:57

I would reply with 'oh I didn't realise that we were invited to their party, when is it and we will check the calendar.' I would mentally place a family value on her so if she would normally get a gift for £50 then that is what you spend on her and her boyfriend and his sons. Or declare that maybe now you should go to only doing kids presents.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 05/07/2019 17:02

Of course she buys for your children - she is their Aunt. I would tell her to jog on. Why would you buy cards and presents for a virtual stranger's children?

And in future only spend on her what she spends on you and your family. If you don't call out cheeky fuckers they will keep on with their cheeky fuckery.

LazyDaisey · 05/07/2019 17:04

“Or declare that maybe now you should go to only doing kids presents.”

I’d do this.

“Sure, if you want to do just kid gifts from now on... we can stop buying you adult gifts and just get a token £5 gift like you get us at Xmas and we will buy for your boyfriend’s kids instead.”

Socksontheradiator · 05/07/2019 17:06

She sounds like a nightmare. Hell no.
If you'd met them then maybe. If you wanted to. Not because madam demands it!

noodlenosefraggle · 05/07/2019 17:07

My DB and Sil dont have children. We buy presents for children only in the family, but we do buy them presents because it feels fair. I wouldn't be buying presents for my SIL's friends children instead, which would be a similar situation! Agree, CF's are only CF's because they get pandered to by others. Let her create a scene. She'll soon learn. Like a toddler!