To think he should be paying more?

[Aqueo517]

Split with DH a couple of years ago, we have 2 children together. He earns 3k a month and pays me £400 per month. He’s living with his brother so has none of the usual household bills (I know this for a fact, he doesn’t contribute, his brother owes him so this is his way of paying him back until he buys his own place).

In the mean time I’m struggling to cover all the costs of having 2 children. Aibu to think that while he’s living the life of Riley he could help me out a bit more?

This thread is bullshit.

He's not paying enough. He's earning ~£48k gross a year (£923 a week). He should be paying £122 per week.

Doesn't matter how that relates to anybody else's amount, or what other people think you should life on, or that some people think you should consider yourself lucky to get anything at all (come on... )
Tbh, his outgoings aren't really relevant either. He's not paying the required amount (although he's not far off it)

Send him a link to the calculator.

I'd love £400 maintenance a month. I get £135 a month for 3 kids

OP already said this is the CMS assessed amount, way back on page 1. It has been to CMS. They assessed him. He's paying it. OP was just pissed that she couldn't get more out of him.

All these posts about what a crap dad he is, are nonsense. He's paying what he's supposed to pay.

£400 won't even cover 50% of the cheapest wraparound childcare available here, never mind food, clothes, housing and activities

It would here... my wrap around will be 250pm when ds goes to school so 500pm for 2...

For the posters saying he will have a place at some point, he doesn’t have one right now. So therefore his outgoings are less. I think he should pay more but sadly you can’t enforce that OP. I’m currently getting nothing as my ex ‘can’t afford it’ Well that’s ok then, I just won’t feed OUR child 🤔

Well, perhaps she could go back to CMS and check then. Based on the online calculator it doesn't seem enough (but guess there could be substantial pension contributions or something)

It's still a horrible thread though, and the whole 'be thankful for what you get, I get £* a month isn't relevant or helpful.

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Are you claiming all the benefits your entitled to his contribution is not counted as income as so many non resident parents choose to punish the other by not paying or paying late etc etc so it's not counted anymore

dont forget he is no longer your partner he really only has to contribute to his childrens costs not yours

CMS is the BARE MINIMUM it's not a target to hit it is quite literally the least he can do he is telling you who he is right now and you should listen hard and forge your own path and find another way to make money to support your children or free up a bedroom get a nanny share a nanny get a really really good friend who works opposite hours to you that you can trade childcare with

Do not trust a man who could do more but WONT (not CANT but WONT)

Dont be so utterly ridiculous slippery

It would here... my wrap around will be 250pm when ds goes to school so 500pm for 2...
I guess this is not for a full week? £11 / day only covers breakfast club here (SE London). Or does not include the school holidays clubs?

It is for a full week 39 weeks term time and all the holidays with a cm bar 2 weeks...

Not everyone lives in london.

I too would love £400 a month from XH, I've never had anything.

However, OP it sounds like he should be paying more, especially given his lack of outgoings. Even if not officially, morally he should!

Just because I get fuck all doesn't mean I expect other women to be grateful for scraps.

This man is probably going to lose his house though and fund another one big enough for his children to stay over. he will nred to save a deposit and whatever else. O dont see why giving op more money should come before that.

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl
That would make childcare cost around £1.50 - £2 ph (assuming you need 7.30 to 9 and 3.30 to 6.30 as the average working parent). London or not London, I haven't seen prices like this for a long time, I am not even sure that a setting charging that can afford to pay min wage and maintain the legal min staff to children ratio.

I dont need breakfast club but our school one is £2 i think. After school club is until 5.30 as thats all they offer.

That's taking into account my tax free childcare too which op could use if shes not entitled to UC.

Our breakfast club is £5 per week per child.

After school club is the same.

The OP would surely get tax credits or universal credits on £1000 wages.

Lots of estimations here and assumptions about what’s possible to achieve or not. I know if I were in the OPs position I would seek to increase my hours. Not only to earn more money now but because I would worry about my pension contributions. We don’t know how part time she is at the moment and we don’t know what the wrap around care costs are so it’s impossible to say she wouldn’t be able to afford it.

Pleasebeaflebite- dads who underpay the legal minimum- despicable. I should know, I had one. But this is not the situation here- we have a dad who is paying what he is obliged to pay. Also, a point that has not been mentioned, is we don’t know how much he is spending on the kids in his care. So although he may be paying the legal CMS amount to the mother, he may be paying out a lot more in total.

I think there is a tendency on MN to assume that all NRPs are deadbeat dads who go out of their way to somehow ‘rip off’ the mothers and get out of paying for their kids, and I’m sure that there are some out there, but let’s not tar all fathers under the same brush.

@InTheHeatofLisbon £5 per week for after school club?!
It must be hugely subsidised!

I have a Childminder 3 days from 3.05 to 6pm and pay over £200 a month.

ZillaPilla we're in the lowest income LA in the UK, with a ridiculously high child poverty rate (thanks Tories) so I'm guessing it is.

@InTheHeatofLisbon wow, that's so cheap! Our's is £5 per hour per child!

Most things are cheaper here because they have to be tbh. We don't use after school club (yet, although that may change next school year).

We also have meals 365 which means hot meals are provided 365 days a year so that no child goes hungry. Needs must and all that. It's a sad indictment of the times that it's even needed tbh. The SNP desperately trying to counteract austerity, but with a Labour/Tory coalition in power at present things are sliding, badly, and with the cuts forecast subsidies will drop or disappear completely.

The same LA gave a £450k payoff to a woman who left her job after only a couple of years!

Ridiculous for what? Telling her cms is the bare minimum? It is? Telling her not to rely on him and make her own way? What do you expect people to advise? Throw yourself at his feet and beg?