Not wanting to be a sahm anymore

[catoney]

I feel like I'm in a huge hole.
I'm a stay at home mum to twin toddlers and I just want to get back to work. I had been feeling fine up until now and really enjoyed it but all of a sudden, I feel depressed and lonely.
I've applied for a few jobs so I'm waiting to hear back from them. I feel like there is something wrong with me for not wanting to be with my babies everyday anymore. My mum was shocked when I told her I wanted to work - so was my grandmother. Even though my mum won't give up her work to help me...I don't expect her to but people in glass houses.
People I go to mother and toddler told me to enjoy them and make the most because they'll be going to school soon but I seriously can't wait. I love them to pieces but I just feel like I'm stagnant now.

Loads of people feel that way too, I cerainly couldn't wait to get away from mine for a bit!

It’s not really your mum living in a glass house though is it? you can’t really say that, that’s very unfair. They aren’t your mums children. Not her responsibility.
Otherwise yanbu.
You don’t know how you feel about a situation until you’re in it - maybe look at doing some freelancing from home (airtasker, People per hour?) if you’re concerned about returning to work too hastily but if you do want to, that’s okay to. Yanbu, do whatever keeps you happy

It's not for everyone and 2 toddlers is full on! I would look at part time working and you'll probably enjoy the time you spend together more as a result

How old are they and are they in any childcare at all?
I've recently become a sahm but I expect it to be only a year or so before I get back to work. I imagine with twins it's very demanding though.

16 months . They go to in laws one day a week.

I was happy to go back to work; I love my DD an I would have preferred less hours than I had but I needed work for my own self esteem and it makes me a better mum. I found it difficult being at home all day.

I found being a SAHM incredibly difficult. For so many reasons. It's stressful, demanding, lonely. Some people love it but I guess they are just very different people. Twins must be especially hard.

Apply for jobs, particularly part time, maybe 3 or 4 days a week would be a good balance, and look into nurseries / childminders.

And don't listen to people who try to tell you you're wrong

I'm the same. Since my Ds got funded nursery hours, after I got over the sheer delight of being able to go out alone and regain some space, what I've realised very quickly is that, rather than wanting some peace and quiet, I actually want some involvement. I want to be part of something again. I'm incredibly busy, but it's within this little microcosm we've created here.

He still has one more year of preschool, but from September I will be looking for some work for his 2.5 days, which on the briefest of research I already know will be difficult to find.

Thanks. I love them to bits and I'm sad our period of extended maternity really is over but I'm ready to go back to work now and I know they'd have more fun in nursery.

I love my DS with all my heart and each to their own but I couldn't be a SAHM. I need an identity away from him and for my brain to be challenged. A happier you is better for them.

I work 3 days a week and my 1.5 and 3.5 year olds go to nursery. I need those days for my mental health and I'm a better mother because of it.

What do you do when your twins are at the PILs? Anything for yourself or just catching up on housework etc?

I went back to work at four and five months respectively. That was long enough mat leave for me. Felt 1000 times better, it was the only 'break' I got.
It's nothing to do with anyone else, they made their choices, you make yours.
FWIW mine are teens now and it doesn't seem to have affected them. And my pension looks great.

In France we go back after 13 weeks. Never occurred to me to go otherwise. It's cultural. I'd have lost the will to live without work.

I've suddenly had this OP, my DS is 19 months now and all of a sudden I've gone from loving being a SAHM to needing a bit more for myself and applying for jobs. I wonder if it's to do with him being a bit more independent too?
Good luck with your job search though x

I went back part time when mine were s lot younger than yours.
I did not enjoy being at home and they did go to a great child care centre.
They do like to see you at school in the primary years but not at secondary.
Now all grown up and at university and very independent young women as they had to learn to fend for themselves to a certain extent.
We have very good relationship now and they learned that women’s work satisfaction is just as important as men’s.

I don't think you ABU at all. If it's going to lift your mood and make you feel more like yourself again then go for it. Even a couple days a week. I went back to work (had to) when my daughter was 6 months and didn't enjoy it to start with but now she's 20 months and a handful I feel like I need those days. It can be very lonely and like Groundhog Day and very hard to keep her amused. I do 3 days, 2 she is in nursery and one with her Dad. Gives you a bit of a break too and not a constant slave to little ones. Hats off to you dealing with 2! Good luck and I hope you find something x

I found I needed to work through the toddler years as they were mind numbing. The baby days were a bit more relaxed and there was a better social scene, but that dwindled as mums went back to work.

SAHM to school age children on the other hand... I found they needed me more then. Childcare arrangements were more complex and less emotionally secure than nursery, and they have a more demanding day and need that home time more, and can talk you about their little worlds. Admittedly the finer details of Minecraft can still be mindnumbing, but it is much better than the monosyllabic babbling of a toddler and the stress of constantly intercepting their kamikaze missions of self destruction

If you have a day to yourself at the moment you are very lucky. That said I went back to work at 5-6 months both times and most people I know do.

I work for my husband on the day I'm off but still in the house and not involved in anything else.

I work for my husband on the day I'm off but still in the house and not involved in anything else.

I was a SAHM for 2 years and by the end of it I couldn't wait to get back to work. I love my son more than anything, but we struggled for money and I felt the way you described: lonely. I missed adult company and conversation that didn't revolve around children, and I really missed my financial independence, too.

I was desperate to go back to work by 9 months, my mum was also shocked by it but I really didn't give a fuck to be honest.

People like different things. Some like devoting their entire lives to their children, others can't stand the drudgery of it.

Going back to work was the best thing I ever did. She loves nursery and I love using my brain.

I was desperate to go back to work by 9 months, my mum was also shocked by it but I really didn't give a fuck to be honest.

People like different things. Some like devoting their entire lives to their children, others can't stand the drudgery of it.

Going back to work was the best thing I ever did. She loves nursery and I love using my brain.

I’d be careful that you aren’t jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.
Your life sounds joyless, where is the time off and breaks for you? Getting a job won’t solve that.
Factor in more breaks, enroll them into nursery anyway, and give yourself a break at least once a week.
Look for something part time to begin with. It’s very very tiring jiggling a full time job with twin toddlers. Think carefully how it will work before committing to anything.

Being a parent can be the hardest job in the world. You need more time out.