Manager worried I am struggling with spending more time away from child

[BambooTwo]

Following a promotion, my manager has approached his manager to pass on his concerns around me. He is worried I am struggling due to increase in hours and spending time away from my daughter.

Please tell me I am not mental for being absolutely raging about this?

I have some questions:

What do you do?

Have you shown any signs you’re struggling? And be honest with yourself.

Do you think the manager is concerned about your mental health?

How was it brought up with you?

I don’t know if YANBU or YABU. Many bosses don’t give two hoots about their direct reports’ mental health.

YNBU how rude to make a comment like that and why promote you without raising any extra hours issues!

YANBU- wonder how many dads he’s asked- so patronising and sexiest

He is worried I am struggling

based on what?
Is it jealousy about promotion, or does it have something to base his "worry"?

That's a very sexist comment to make innthis day and age.

If there are concerns about your performance, they should be raised, without bringing your DD into it.

Your post is very vague (deliberately I'm sure). We need some more information such as the questions asked above by giffaft

Ask yourself honestly, does he have any honest cause for concern? Although, as you've recently been promoted, that would give them impression that the bosses are pleased with your work!

Need more if as requested by pp but on the face of it, it sounds fucking outrageous.

Without more detail it’s hard to comment. Is there a reason he thinks this?

If you’ve been sat in the office in floods of tears over her baby photos on your desk then I can see the justification for him asking.

Could be a case of genuine concern
Could be a sexist old pig
Could be totally valid bc your work isn’t up to scratch

More info required

Tell them to butt out of your private life.
If they have issues about your work, that is a different matter, but ask them if they would say the same about a man with the same performance issues?

Well, does he have reason to worry?

I'd be fucking raging that he's gone straight over your head with it.
Why didn't they pull you aside for a meeting and talk to you if they were genuinely concerned?

Well it depends.

Are you doing your job as you're meant to or are you spending half the day on your phone or crying in the loo?

Can't get over all these posts asking op if her manager is correct to worry about her spending time away from daughter. Bizarre!

More info needed.

Can't get over all these posts asking op if her manager is correct to worry about her spending time away from daughter. Bizarre!

why? it's common sense to ask. No one knows, so without more details no one can answer.

Think these type of interventions should focus on outputs not speculate re causes e.g. I’m worked about the quality of X’s work- there have been about 20% more errors/a couple of the team have complained about deadlines being missed when she needs to handover work/20% less appointments booked/insert KPI of choice. That is straightforward and measurable. Any speculation about the cause of the deterioration that doesn’t come straight from the horse’s mouth is just little more than gossip really.

Oh, and if there’s no deterioration in standards, there’s no conversation about the situation. If he can’t point to something/you haven’t approached him with concerns, he’s projecting his prejudices. Which in this case could be that women of child bearing/rearing age aren’t reliable.

Why on earth didn't your manager have a quiet chat with you to talk about his concerns. Certainly looks back stabby

Is this down to your behaviour in work, or have you been unable to make some meetings because of out-of-work commitments? You mention increasing your hours, has there been an issue?

Your very vague post makes me think there have been some issues tbh.

I guess it depends on what his reasons are. If its just perception or an impression or a feeling then he is being a twat. If it's because you have had to leave early because you want to see her (not because she's ill or something when you have to leave early) or are constantly on the phone to nursery or childminder to ask how it's going or you have built a shrine on your desk with 20 pictures and her dried up umbilical cord then maybe he has a point

Think these type of interventions should focus on outputs not speculate re causes

completely agree, but with the very vague post, no one knows what was actually said and based on what!

So who knows who is right here

How do you know he's spoken to his manager? Have one of them approached you?

What exactly has been said?

Please tell me I am not mental for being absolutely raging about this?

Well, just from my point of view, I can't.
You gave so little information that it would be irresponsible to say yes or no.

Maybe you aren't functioning as well as may be expected.

Are you struggling?

And would you be "raging" if your manager was female?

If you're working to your promotion requisites (the ones you presumably accepted on taking up the promotion) then your manager will end up with egg on their face and you will feell nvindivated