Manager worried I am struggling with spending more time away from child

[BambooTwo]

Following a promotion, my manager has approached his manager to pass on his concerns around me. He is worried I am struggling due to increase in hours and spending time away from my daughter.

Please tell me I am not mental for being absolutely raging about this?

The fruits of tapping "Post" not "Preview".

"and you will feell nvindivated"

=

and you will feel vindicated.

covfefe

I think it’s absolutely fine to be raging that instead of coming to you, your manager when to his manager!

Even if you are struggling, even if he was a woman - part of being a manager is MANAGING. It is fine to have concerns but to go above your head is really bad.

Even if you are struggling, even if he was a woman - part of being a manager is MANAGING. It is fine to have concerns but to go above your head is really bad.

Maybe they're a fairly inexperienced manager and wanted advice from their manager? As the post is so vague, we have no knowledge of the back story.

There is nowhere near enough information here. Maybe you have been talking a lot about how you arent spending time with your DD. Maybe you have mentioned it makes you feel guilty. Is your manager concerned about your work or your welfare?

I'm quite shocked at the answers here.

YANBU to be absolutely raging.

1. If he has concerns about your performance, they should be addressed with you first. Not go straight over your head to another manager.

1. If he thinks you are struggling in any way related to your mental health, he should be discussing this with you. Not making assumptions ("it must be because she's missing her daughter, poor little women")

1. He has absolutely no right be making assumptions about you think or feel and his assumptions are particularly sexist.

Reading between the lines - I assume he didn't want you to be promoted?

Depends on whether he has already spoken to you about it or not?

If it's a concern he's shared with you and after discussion he's still worried then it's alright. Although it does require a reason, would he have a reason to think it?

Need more information really.

xBlingLoving

do you always start to rage before you know anything about a situation?
I guess it can be a hobby, but that must be tiring.

If it’s your manager then surely they should be contacting you first. Have you had a lot of time off recently that prevented that?

Did your manager speak to you first? Is the issue the fact he has spoken to his manager without raising anything with you (in which case YANBU) or is it that he has shared information you and he spoke about with his manager (in which case YABU)?

If he is speculating/gossiping/making assumptions with his manager without any basis in fact or having raised his concerns with you, YADNBU. If your increase in hours is actually causing you problems and you and he have discussed it, then YABU as it is good practice for him to keep his manager in the loop and get assurance that he is following the correct course of action / has considered all appropriate actions to both support you and minimise adverse impact on the business.

He is worried I am struggling due to increase in hours and spending time away from my daughter.

Please tell me I am not mental for being absolutely raging about this?

we need more information!?!?

@that25cUKHeatwaveof2019

While it's entirely possible that there's a massive back story here and that she's been sobbing at her desk and begging him for more time off to spend with her daughter, I prefer to give women the benefit of the doubt. we know that workplace sexism remains rife. we know that women are consistently being accused of all kinds of things like hysteria, over-emotional states, not being focused enough because they have children at home. So rather than questioning her, I'm happy to take it at face value.

And frankly, the only backstory that would even vaguely make her manager's behaviour be okay is if she's repeatedly told him that she's struggling to get the work done because she's missing her daughter.

Pretty much ANY other version of the story, he's out of line.

@ourkidmolly
Can't get over all these posts asking op if her manager is correct to worry about her spending time away from daughter. Bizarre!

Well if the OP is If you’ve been sat in the office in floods of tears over her baby photos on your desk but we don't know, as they haven't given any other info??

That’s absolutely ridiculous and very sexist

Well if the OP is If you’ve been sat in the office in floods of tears over her baby photos on your desk but we don't know, as they haven't given any other info??

But why are so many people assuming this is entirely possible? Does this sound like the behaviour of a woman who has recently been promoted? Do most women spend their time in floods of tears worrying about their children? I mean, come on. Surely many many of us on here work and leave our children behind and do just fine?

The Director of the last company I worked at had a baby and women were constantly making remarks like her kid probably doesn’t know who she is, that it would kill them to be away from their baby all day. So rude and would never have been said about a Dad.

We really need more info, OP.

Does this sound like the behaviour of a woman who has recently been promoted?

no one knows!

if anyone comes to see me with "concerns" about a colleague or employee, my only question will be "why?".

We have absolutely no idea what the story is, we can make up as many of them as we want, it won't help.
Yes, the manager might be jealous, yes the OP might have started to miss work because of childcare emergency, yes the OP might have started to leave on the dot because baby, yes the manager might be fuming to have been refused a promotion
might, might, might..

Unless we have details, it's entertaining to make stuff up, but we're not going to go anywhere. No need to enter into a full rant against discrimination when no one has a clue.

The way you've presented it is that he's sexist and undermining but if you want a genuine assessment of whether he's UR or not, you'd actually need to give relevant information.
Just as he would be wrong to assume you can't cope with a promotion because you're a mother, we'd be wrong to assume you can cope with a promotion just because you're a MN poster.

*Even if you are struggling, even if he was a woman - part of being a manager is MANAGING. It is fine to have concerns but to go above your head is really bad.

Maybe they're a fairly inexperienced manager and wanted advice from their manager? As the post is so vague, we have no knowledge of the back story*

well, yeah. That’s why I answered based on the info I have?

Higher manager must be just as shit if they’ve approached OP instead of coaching their direct report on how to talk to their own direct reports.

Following a promotion, my manager has approached his manager to pass on his concerns around me. He is worried I am struggling due to increase in hours and spending time away from my daughter.

Please tell me I am not mental for being absolutely raging about this?

The way you've presented it is that he's sexist and undermining
where is he being sexist and undermining?
I cant see that in the OP and there is no other information....?

Why is he worried that you are struggling? Are you (e.g.) snappy with colleagues, do you have mood swings, are you making mistakes or missing deadlines? Do you talk about feeling guilty because you're not seeing your daughter so much?

How fucking dare he - I'd complain very vocally to manager of manager. Would he say the same about a man?

Would he say the same about a man?

as no one knows what was said, maybe?

Well.
There's a redtop piece gone down the tubes.

Info?