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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Midweek wedding

54 replies

Zoechat · 04/07/2019 22:18

Midweek wedding (Wednesday) during school holidays - all our guests bar two live in the local area. It’s a significant date for us as a couple. I’m willing to accept a lower No of guests as I believe my closest friends and immediate family will all be able to attend. But there is an option for us to have the ceremony on the Wednesday followed by a evening party on the Friday of the following week but it seems a lot of hassle to get dressed in our wedding outfits twice, hair and make up twice etc. Is a mid week wedding totally unreasonable? Anyone been to one before?

OP posts:
Constantsarechanging · 04/07/2019 22:21

I had a Thursday wedding, most everyone invited came and it was exactly what we wanted!

VivienneHolt · 04/07/2019 22:23

They are much more of a pain, but as you say the people who really love you will most likely still come. I wouldn’t split up the party as you’ve suggested as an option.

user1493413286 · 04/07/2019 22:23

It depends what kind of evening part you want; people probably won’t stay late and drink much but if that’s fine by you then go for it.

Bouncebacker · 04/07/2019 22:23

I’d come and take the day off work if you were a really close friend or it was family, and it would stop me from drinking too much which would be a good thing.... but maybe less relaxing? And a bit less fun? Are kids invited? If so then easier as I would be taking some time off with them anyway and if I know about your wedding in advance I’d plan to take that time off so I could hang out with my kids and come to your wedding - win win!

Hundredacrewoods · 04/07/2019 22:24

Weekday if you must, split no way.

Pipandmum · 04/07/2019 22:25

Don’t split it. You might find more people will go to the reception than the wedding, and on a different day it might not feel like it’s part of your wedding celebration.

Lotsalotsagiggles · 04/07/2019 22:25

We did a Wednesday wedding in Aug hols as have lotsa friends which are teachers and had young nieces. We have over a year or so in advance and only two people couldn't come.

Atalune · 04/07/2019 22:26

Don’t split the date.

Crazycrazylady · 04/07/2019 22:28

I've been to one recently. It was ok but most people drove and left straight after meal which meant it felt fairly flat for those who stayed. I personally wouldn't do it myself no matter how much cheaper it was for that reason.

Yellowpolkadot · 04/07/2019 22:31

People who work may also struggle with a Friday evening if they need to travel or sort childcare. May as well do it all in one swoop, easier for people to organise themselves

Youngandfree · 04/07/2019 22:32

I had a midweek wedding (Wednesday) everyone we invited came, a lot of ppl made it a wee holiday (it was in the Lake District) and others just booked a few days off, I’m a teacher so it was in the Easter break. The way I see it if they want to come they will make it happen!

FizzBuzzBangWoof · 04/07/2019 22:33

I would take a day of AL (the Wednesday) to attend the wedding of a family member or close friend. I'd be less keen on taking a second day (the Thursday) so assuming it was local then I would go to work as normal on the Thursday so wouldn't let my hair down in the same way as I would at a weekend wedding.

I imagine that as long as you give plenty of notice then those close to you will attend

Original poster
Zoechat · 04/07/2019 22:34

The cost isn’t really the factor - it’s the significance of the date. It wouldn’t be much more expensive - if at all - to have it on a weekend but it’s a fairly last minute almost surprise wedding so we don’t have the luxury of getting all associated suppliers who are booked well in advance.

I appreciate it won’t be a huge party that lasts till the wee small hours but I don’t really care about that, I’ve always wanted more of an afternoon garden party type affair anyway

OP posts:
that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 04/07/2019 22:37

It gives a perfectly good excuse for not attending if you don't want to.

Don't split it

Nevth · 04/07/2019 22:37

In my experience, when you're really close to the bride and groom and they choose to have a midweek wedding, you kind of have to say that you can make it if you get enough notice and that you don't mind. That doesn't mean that people are happy to use leave (for those working Mon-Fri), but of course they would never tell you even if you asked.

Last year we were invited to four weddings on weekdays, all close friends (we're late 20s so it's that time!). I actually massively resented taking almost a week off work for this (and some weddings required overnights), and so did my DP. We only ended up going to two, and most of our friend group did similar. It caused a bit of drama but we all have stressful jobs and value our time off.

HellYeah90s · 04/07/2019 22:40

See I like weekend weddings because I can drink as much as I want, stay up late etc because I have all day sunday to sleep in.

I mean unless you were a really close friend I probably wouldn't go, because I work FT so I like to save that to spend with my kids. Thats just my honest opinion.

nocoolnamesleft · 04/07/2019 22:41

"Last minute" is worrying me. One of the essentials for midweek weddings is lots of notice to the guests, so that you have some chance of booking an afternoon off. Oh, and obviously not having any friends/family who are teachers. Or nurses.

RosaWaiting · 04/07/2019 22:42

What’s the point of splitting it?

IceCreamSoda99 · 04/07/2019 22:46

To be completely honest I think guests will be resentful, it will look like a cost saving exercise on your part with little regard for your guests comfort and convenience unless you make it clear on the invites re the importance of the date. I'm not saying it's reasonable for guests to feel like that and as I'm sure others will point out no one is forced to come. I don't know but I prefer my guests to be able to let their hair down and not have to take leave from work, in ny old job taking leave during the school hols could be very tricky as lots of colleagues wanted the time off as well. But your wedding, your choice!

beethebee · 04/07/2019 22:50

Could you get married in the evening of the Wednesday after work time so people can take Thursday off instead of Wednesday, if they're local? Evening weddings are lovely.

deste · 04/07/2019 22:51

I got married on a Wednesday.

Original poster
Zoechat · 04/07/2019 23:14

I should perhaps also have mentioned that my plan was to marry in secret, alone. I would be fine with that but we have just discussed holding a larger wedding but the date if fixed and is midweek so just wanted to get honest feedback to decide if we should bother.

I expect some of my aunts to not get it and find an excuse to moan about it etc but I have no expectations of anyone to go out of there way to attend. I’m very laid back and want a very laid back, unstructured informal day. I would think nothing about attending a mid week wedding, I would either figure out a way to attend and deal with annual leave, childcare etc or I would decline the invite. No worries.

OP posts:
Hundredacrewoods · 04/07/2019 23:20

I can absolutely guarantee that no one else will care about the significance of the date. The Wednesday wedding will just look like you care more about your own cost saving than costing each guest a day of annual or unpaid leave. The Friday event will flop as the momentum will be lost after the Wednesday.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 04/07/2019 23:24

Why don’t you get married alone as you intended and have a reception on Friday.

Original poster
Zoechat · 04/07/2019 23:28

I think that’s likely what I will do. It was just an idea to invite people but given the response here I’d suggest it wasn’t a very good one!

I think I’ll stick with the original plan to get married alone then have a wedding party at a later date on a Friday or Saturday evening!

I do think I’m more comfortable having the ceremony private anyway, I like the idea of that part being just for us

OP posts: