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AIBU?

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Original poster

Midweek wedding

54 replies

Zoechat · 04/07/2019 22:18

Midweek wedding (Wednesday) during school holidays - all our guests bar two live in the local area. It’s a significant date for us as a couple. I’m willing to accept a lower No of guests as I believe my closest friends and immediate family will all be able to attend. But there is an option for us to have the ceremony on the Wednesday followed by a evening party on the Friday of the following week but it seems a lot of hassle to get dressed in our wedding outfits twice, hair and make up twice etc. Is a mid week wedding totally unreasonable? Anyone been to one before?

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/07/2019 23:29

Ceremony on Wed with you, DH and witnesses followed by a lovely lunch. Reception party on the Friday night. That way your wedding anniversary is on your significant date, and your party is at a time that people might actually be able to attend with ease.

Remember, if you want people to attend any sort of do, you need to consider their wants and needs above your own.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/07/2019 23:30

X post!

Original poster
Zoechat · 04/07/2019 23:33

I agree and it’s not that I was being deliberately neglectful in my considerations of our guests, as I said in my pp I am very laid back and have the benefit of work flexibility etc and this can sometimes lead to me overestimating the flexibility of others.

OP posts:
EmiliaAirheart · 05/07/2019 00:11

I say this as someone who just was a guest at the exact wedding you’re discussing.

People will never tell you to your face, but they’ll be cranky about needing to take time off work (especially a Wednesday - even a Friday is crap but marginally better). Yes, they’ll most likely make the effort to come but it’s an extra hassle imposed on a lot of people. And hand on heart, would you genuinely not mind if your guests (even close friends or family) didn’t come if it was midweek? My guess is no; you’d be hurt that they wouldn’t make the effort for you.

I’ve always found it somewhat childish to take the attitude of “but it’s my special date!” when it imposes an extra burden on so many people. Just seems like poor form as a host. Also the new wedding date is the day you officially become a married unit, so it should quickly take on its own special significance.

If you’re deadset on the date, nothing to stop you doing the official marriage bit then and the rest on the weekend...

BackforGood · 05/07/2019 00:13

If you work in a school, it's not much of an issue, or if you have some other term time contract, but if you are in any other job and always stretched for annual leave anyway, then it is quite a big ask for other people to take time off for your wedding.
In August, a lot of people won't be able to take leave if not booked a long time in advance, because they are already covering other people who are on holiday, and most workplaces need to be staffed by someone, and that will already be factored in.
So, as you seem to even prefer the wedding being just the two of you plus your witnesses, then I'd just have the one party on a Friday or Saturday night.
I can't see it working with close family and friends having to go to 2 occasions within 10 days, just for one wedding.

GemmeFatale · 05/07/2019 01:34

Could you elope on your special date then have a weekend party? I wouldn’t ask people to attend both but I’d attend a post elopement party happily

theorchidwhisperer · 05/07/2019 01:56

We had a Wednesday wedding. Everyone came. Much less expensive, easier to get caterers and flowers etc due to it being midweek.

Purpletigers · 05/07/2019 02:28

Have your wedding on the day you want ! It’s an invitation, not a summons . Those who want to come along will , those who don’t want to aren’t obliged to .
I’ve been to several mid week weddings . They were lovely .

CallItLoneliness · 05/07/2019 02:40

You could have a ceremony during the day and invite your nearest and dearest for dinner at a nice restaurant that night--surprise wedding!

araiwa · 05/07/2019 03:05

Wait a few years and your special date will be on a weekend

julensaor · 05/07/2019 04:13

totally unreasonable to have a midweek wedding, nah, sorry OP.

MaidenMotherCrone · 05/07/2019 04:50

Not unreasonable at all. Get married on whatever day of the week you like. I'm sure all the pp who begrudgingly went to mid week weddings would have been more miffed if they hadn't been invited at all.

Have the wedding you want when you want.

As for saying no one else will care about the date..... people who care about you will appreciate why you have picked that day. Filler guests not so much.

I got married on a Wednesday, everyone came. It was lovely. No one got drunk because we are not drinkers.

Congratulations Op.... have a beautiful day!

BeanBag7 · 05/07/2019 06:44

I agree with the idea of a very small wedding on the Wednesday (bride, groom and witnesses) and then a party on the Friday.
The date is significant to you but not anyone else and taking a day off midweek in the summer isn't really desirable or even possible for some people.

maddening · 05/07/2019 07:02

I would go for a weekend if you can or wait for your special date to be a weekend in a couple of years?

BarbedBloom · 05/07/2019 07:05

I would have been fine to take a day off if I had at least six months notice (work annual leave policy) but we would have to leave early as both of us have very early starts. I think the idea of close family or friends at your midweek ceremony and a Friday evening party would work well

RedSheep73 · 05/07/2019 07:08

We had a Monday wedding which was brilliant, much easier to get the venue and the people that mattered were there. We didn't have an evening party though - I don't really think you could split that.

SnuggyBuggy · 05/07/2019 07:08

I don't mind Friday, it's only one day to take off work but any other mid week day would suck. Having a small private ceremony on Wednesday and a party on Friday is probably the best option if you want to marry on the significant date.

I'm probably prejudiced as I went to a really shit midweek wedding a few years back that I couldn't get out of.

stucknoue · 05/07/2019 07:16

Throwing a party on s different day is ok but only if you put on the invite to the evening party that the dress code is casual - not a appropriate to be expecting people to dress up

stucknoue · 05/07/2019 07:16

Throwing a party on s different day is ok but only if you put on the invite to the evening party that the dress code is casual - not a appropriate to be expecting people to dress up

Redrupunzle · 05/07/2019 07:19

I much prefer weekday weddings! It's only once or twice a year so I don't mind using a days holiday and then I get the weekend to!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/07/2019 07:24

I’d just do it alone as planned but then wouldn’t bother with the party on another day. It just puts he costs back on gusts to attend re outfits, gifts etc when they didn’t even see the actual wedding.

ginghamtablecloths · 05/07/2019 07:35

It sounds all right to me but why wear the wedding outfits twice? An ordinary party dress is appropriate for the party. If anyone is at the party but not the wedding and therefore don't get the chance to see you in the dress than it's hard cheese.

Halloumimuffin · 05/07/2019 08:44

Honestly I'd be more understanding of a midweek wedding to save money than one that was due to a special date - surely none of your guests care about that? I'd just think, so you could have had this exact wedding on a more convenient day but chose not to. Also I don't go to weddings where I'm not invited to the ceremony, I don't see the point.

Ihatehashtags · 05/07/2019 14:30

Please don’t!! So people are going to have to take days off work?!! It’s really annoying and unnecessary in my opinion.

ChristmasInJuly · 05/07/2019 14:52

I like the idea of a private ceremony on the special date mid-week, then a celebration on the Friday, definitely. I went to a wedding on a Tuesday, it was very quiet, lots of people drove, didn’t drink, and left early. Barely anyone on the dance floor. It felt really flat.