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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is harsh for a shy child

59 replies

Intravenousbitch · 04/07/2019 19:09

I am ready to be flamed here but go easy please. My young ds came home upset from school saying that he had been in an X factor audition and been buzzed out. He is the only child in the group who has been told he cannot go now through to the competition and he is gutted. By his own admission he didn't dance amazingly as he felt scared and anxious. We are really trying to build up his confidence after a similar experience outside school where he was afraid to perform. Previous to this he was fine.

He's been looking forward to this for weeks and weeks and now he feels upset and angry. I know that's life and I've told him that gently but this feels a harsh way to deal with a shy 6 year old who tried to audition. Aibu to say to school that I am disappointed that this will affect his confidence?

OP posts:
moreismore · 04/07/2019 19:14

As in the school ran auditions with buzzers like X factor? YANBU for that age that is way too much pressure!

Original poster
Intravenousbitch · 04/07/2019 19:15

More yes I think so. I wasn't there but he said he was Xed out.

OP posts:
firawla · 04/07/2019 19:15

Only one child not going through is definitely harsh, should be at least 50/50 so they don’t feel singled out

thedevondumpling · 04/07/2019 19:16

Poor little chap, that is so harsh. How about getting him some dancing lessons. There are all sorts, it isn't all ballet and tap. My son loved dancing lessons at that age.

Atalune · 04/07/2019 19:18

That’s appalling!

Original poster
Intravenousbitch · 04/07/2019 19:18

Devon he has a lot of dance lessons and theatre and acro but he really struggles with confidence.

OP posts:
Craftycorvid · 04/07/2019 19:19

Yes, very harsh and what an odd thing to do with children so young! At that age singing and dancing should be because it’s fun and for no other reason. Your little chap gets 10/10 from me Star

SnuggyBuggy · 04/07/2019 19:19

That sounds so tacky

Greyhound22 · 04/07/2019 19:20

That's really mean Sad

AnyFucker · 04/07/2019 19:21

That type of activity in a school is fucking shit

SushiForAmateurs · 04/07/2019 19:21

How about getting him some dancing lessons.

That doesn't really address the wider point though, does it? Or the school's handling of the situation.

Next time it probably won't be dancing, it'll be something else.

CloserIAm2Fine · 04/07/2019 19:21

That’s horrible! Only one child not going through is nasty (although it’s worth checking the facts on that one, he might feel like everyone else did but it may not be the case).

At that age it really should just be about having fun and taking part. If they need to trim numbers it should be more like “you all did great, but these children did slightly better” rather than “these children were good, these children weren’t” and shouldn’t just be one or two children left out.

Original poster
Intravenousbitch · 04/07/2019 19:23

I know there must be others in the class who didn't get through so I won't get too het up. I will mention it though.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/07/2019 19:24

More yes I think so. I wasn't there but he said he was Xed out.

I think you need to find out more tbh, including whether he really was the only one who didn't go through, or if he was one of a few.

dinnerpartyhell · 04/07/2019 19:26

Are you sure this wasn’t a game at break? My dc play similar games. Do check!!

AChickenCalledKorma · 04/07/2019 19:29

If that's genuinely how they ran auditions, then that is a horrible way to handle things at such a young age. And please let his teacher know that his self esteem has taken a knock, in the hope that they can keep an eye on him and give him other chances to build up his confidence. I hope it doesn't put him off dancing.

herculepoirot2 · 04/07/2019 19:30

Not sure who would ever think this was a good idea.

Original poster
Intravenousbitch · 04/07/2019 19:33

I will check the facts before I go in all guns blazing. It's just so hard building up a shy child's confidence. :-(

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 04/07/2019 19:36

I’d check this first because I cannot believe a school would think this was appropriate!

itisthecause · 04/07/2019 19:37

It was very brave of him to take part, for a shy child that wouldn't have been easy at all. What a shame the school wasted a perfect opportunity to boost his confidence of a 6 year old by acknowledging he's achievement.

thedevondumpling · 04/07/2019 19:40

Devon he has a lot of dance lessons and theatre and acro but he really struggles with confidence. Don't know if it would help but my DD was like that, we paid for some 1 to 1 lessons so when she went into a lesson with a new routine she had already started learning it. Her confidence grew and she didn't need to do it for long, amazing how much better she got when she was confident.

That doesn't really address the wider point though, does it? Or the school's handling of the situation. No but it can make a difference to confidence, I know it can because it did for my DD. Might not work for everyone but I can't see why it would be a problem to share something that can work with the OP. With the next thing well it might not be such an issue if he is more confident.

OP I hope he is OK.

Original poster
Intravenousbitch · 04/07/2019 19:43

Thanks everyone. You've given me some perspective. Now I need to work out how I approach this ...

OP posts:
Jamhandprints · 04/07/2019 19:43

Yes, check with the teachers what went on. But if it's as he said, that is really mean.
If he's so shy, maybe it's time to try a different activity now, rather than performing! Is there a sport, craft or play activity that he would enjoy outside school? This could raise his confidence more because it's not all geared up to a single performance, it's just fun.

Dontcallmeprecious · 04/07/2019 19:44

If you find out the school did this ( and def check) then a meeting with the HOY is necessary. It’s absolutely crushing for a shy child, having put themselves on the line.
Don’t mix up shyness with a lack of confidence though op. I have a reserved but confident child, and she won’t do anything ever that makes her feel uncomfortable. Reinforce your child’s choices and preferences and you give him the green light and lots of love to be himself. 🤩

Original poster
Intravenousbitch · 04/07/2019 19:47

Devon it's a good idea but in the past he has refused to dance on his own with a teacher. I think he feels conscious. He now dances with a group of girls that he likes and he is happy. He may need private lessons for exams and I don't know how that's going to go. I don't know what to do with him sometimes as he gets quite anxious.

OP posts: