To think this is harsh for a shy child

[Intravenousbitch]

I am ready to be flamed here but go easy please. My young ds came home upset from school saying that he had been in an X factor audition and been buzzed out. He is the only child in the group who has been told he cannot go now through to the competition and he is gutted. By his own admission he didn't dance amazingly as he felt scared and anxious. We are really trying to build up his confidence after a similar experience outside school where he was afraid to perform. Previous to this he was fine.

He's been looking forward to this for weeks and weeks and now he feels upset and angry. I know that's life and I've told him that gently but this feels a harsh way to deal with a shy 6 year old who tried to audition. Aibu to say to school that I am disappointed that this will affect his confidence?

YANBU - I’m against these kind competitions for children, and they certainly shouldn’t be held in schools.

I hope your DS is ok now.

Mathanxiety I don't know why he chose dance but I think the angst is general rather than just about the dancing. I need to look into it morr to find out if there is.more going on. I don't think Musical theatre will be his career choice as I know how tough it is but he may change as he grows up and get more resilient.

And DS is asleep now thankfully :-)

That sort of thing would have DESTROYED ME at that age. In fact, it would destroy me now.

The very thought of an X-factor type of thing for children of that age makes my hair stand on end.

Remember he did amazing to get up and audition, and he will learn lots by coping with these feelings and carrying on dancing being himself and auditioning again when he wants to.

Just say, as I expect you have, you know I have been thinking and I am proper proud and impressed that you put yourself forward for the audition - the nerves got to you maybe, and you didn’t get through this time, but what a great thing you did and this will be the first step of many - well done son.

It's very possible that play therapy would be helpful to your DS, Intravenousbitch, if the angst seems to be general/global. Play therapy might uncover whether there is an element of OCD at work, or an anxiety disorder, or a self-image he has somehow developed that he can't possibly live up to.

I really would seriously consider digging a bit to see what is going on.

I don't like the fact competition is being drained away so no child ever learns they can't get everything. Good on the school for honest competition. There will be other things he will win at. You cant bring a child up to be upset every time they don't get something they want or don't do as well as others. (And yes I know he is 6, but a lot of competitive sports begin at 5)

Would have been fine if they picked the top three to win. But eliminating one child when every other child in the class gets to go on to the next stage is simply bullying.

How did you get on op?