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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to pull up work bullshitter

107 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 04/07/2019 08:08

I work with a really nice lady but she lies constantly about the weirdest stuff

She can’t drive which is fine but she recently found out she was pretty much the only person in the office who can’t so has started telling people she can drive but just doesn’t because her car is broken.

I’m from a tiny village in the highlands and someone who used to holiday there a lot asked me which one as they might know it.
She then claimed she lived there for a bit when she was younger. I brushed this off with “oh that’s nice” but wanted to say “no you fucking didn’t and last week you were telling everyone you’d lived in Wigan your whole life” and recently this week she’s telling people she grew up in Spain.

Every other week she’s claiming she has a different learning difficulty/disability/mental health problem (which as someone who has had issues with mental health I find fucking offensive.)

Then this week there seems to be something in the water as a few people in the office have announced they are pregnant. Inevitably she is now claiming she thinks she might be/her period is late, when a week ago she was being weird and oversharing how she hasn’t had sex this yearHmm

AIBU to tell her to shut the fuck up. I know other colleagues are annoyed too...

OP posts:
greenwaterbottle · 04/07/2019 08:11

I'd put a confused face on and say, "oh you said you lived in Wigan all your life..."
Pause, throw in a concerned head tilt possibly, smiling sweetly obviously.
Just pull her up on the low key stuff, wouldn't go near health issues etc

IceRebel · 04/07/2019 08:17

It sounds like she's trying to fit in with everyone else. Almost like she doesn't have her own identity, so has to muscle in on everyone else's experiences and interests.

No advice on how to tackle it, but it sounds very sad.

ICanWearMyBoobsUpOrDown · 04/07/2019 08:21

Be careful, there's someone at my work like this, everyone stopped feeding into her drama and now she has started to accuse people of various things, which have to be taken seriously and investigated. I'm really worried about whats going to happen next as things are getting more dramatic by the week with her.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 04/07/2019 08:21

Is her name Debbie? If so I worked with her.

These people are crazy making so just laugh and ignore.

HarryElephante · 04/07/2019 08:22

Why not show some compassion?

Dirtydancefloors · 04/07/2019 08:23

I have one of these in my office. Any story you tell she's been there and done it. I don't think it's a case of bragging or lying as such, she's just trying to fit in and join in conversations. It can be annoying but I think it would be quite cruel to pull her up on it if she's otherwise nice

Sicario · 04/07/2019 08:23

Just make a confused face and walk away. These compulsive liar types are a bit odd. I think it stems from feelings of inadequacy. Calling her out on it will only cause upset, then you'll be the villain of the piece.

howdyalikemenow · 04/07/2019 08:25

Compulsive lying is usually indicative of something more serious and deserves to be called out before she e da up on a lie that could ruin someone's life including hers.

Cornettoninja · 04/07/2019 08:27

Tbh I’ve come to think compulsive liars do have mental health problems. I think it stems from an insecurity that they’re not ‘interesting’ enough and telling people what they think they want to hear. That and underdeveloped social skills - the only way to bond is to share an experience.

I’ve known a few and the best strategy I’ve found is to call them out on it, kindly, it just fuels them if everyone lets it go. The liar knows everyone knows but if no one says anything it just continues.

Humour is a pretty useful tool if you can pull it off e.g. ‘I think I’m pregnant’ ‘no you don’t you daft boot you were saying last week your virginity had practically grown back!’.

HarryElephante · 04/07/2019 08:27

Compulsive lying is usually indicative of something more serious and deserves to be called out before she e da up on a lie that could ruin someone's life including hers.

Or maybe understood, rather than 'called out'

Chamomileteaplease · 04/07/2019 08:29

I always find it weird when people write things like your first sentence: "I work with a really nice lady but...."

How can she be a really nice lady???

She's a lying weirdo.

YANBU to pull her up on stuff. You can challenge politely and gently. She sounds really annoying.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 04/07/2019 08:31

Hi OP

I can see this might be annoying, its human nature to want to correct things that are obviously wrong and point out lies.

I'm not sure what you'd achieve though. I definitely wouldn't say anything in front of a lot of people - firstly shell probably just say 'no I didnt' when you point out she said the opposite thing a few days ago. And if you push it then you'll look bad. Or she will be embarrassed and defensive and I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of a compulsive liar to be honest or things could get very messy.

If you really want to say something could you pull her aside and ask as a concerned friend and say you've noticed she gets confused and gve examples and is she ok. She is never going to admit to lying and will probably just say you're getting confused but she might stop now she knows people are noticing

HarryElephante · 04/07/2019 08:34

She's a lying weirdo.

The lack of compassion or understanding is staggering. I hope people are more understanding of your frailties. For your sake.

Juells · 04/07/2019 08:38

I knew someone like this when I was about 18, but he was a very nice kid so I ignored it, and like everyone else just said "uummm yes, fancy!" when he'd come out with a tall tale. Ridiculous claims about people he knew. One day he asked to speak to me and said that his counsellor had told him he needed to admit to people that his stories weren't true. I was really embarrassed! The reason he had a counsellor was because his mother was a drug addict, it must have affected him very badly as he grew up.

OP, in your shoes I'd nod and smile, and feel very sorry for the person. Yes it's irritating, but they obviously feel they have to work really hard to fit in for some reason.

orangetrainers · 04/07/2019 08:41

It does feel like these people are lying weirdos though. My mum was one. I’m actually nc with her now.
We used to call it her expert cap as she’d pretend to know everything about all subjects. If we spoke about anything she was there had been there done it. We could be talking about spaceships and she would know someone who knew someone who was the presidents friend and she was best mates with them blah blah.

If you experience it over and over patience does wear thin. It’s not nice to be lied to. Sure you can have sympathy but it’s really not nice to be lied to and even worse to be sat near someone who you just don’t know when their lies will involve you.

ElektraUnchained · 04/07/2019 08:42

YANBU to want to speak to her about it. Gently and firmly is likely best. E.g. "That isn't right X as last week you said Y". Then don't acknowledge the lie again. Just ignore any further reference to it. Leave the conversation and walk away if she persists.

It may be worth talking to your manager beforehand in case she accuses you of bullying.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/07/2019 08:42

Why not show some compassion?

What a great post. You get to look a bit superior and kinder than everyone else, without having to bother yourself with any of the pesky practicalities around how you’d actually do this.

orangetrainers · 04/07/2019 08:44

Oh and in my experience ignoring them can just make you be the one being talked about.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 04/07/2019 08:45

My ex h is a compulsive liar. Had my fair share of being absolutely humiliated by the sheer amount of shite he used to come out with.

He once walked into an estate agents and arranged viewings on very very expensive houses as he had just won a lot of money. Except he hadn't. He tells people all the time about properties his parents apparently own, his numerous rentals properties (they're skint because he stole all of their money to feed his gambling addiction) and holidays he's booked etc which all are lies and everyone knows.

I've come to realise I genuinely don't think he can help it. He now works with my DH and still lies knowing full well there is no way he can keep it up. I actually feel sorry for him tbh but I always call him out on things now when I know for a fact he's lying.

Fluffymullet · 04/07/2019 08:49

I have dealings with someone I would call a compulsive liar when younger and was the only one who directly highlighted inconsistencies in her stories. We didn't get on! I imagine it did stem from feelings of inadequacy.

I would highlight this with you/Her manager. Like pps have said, it can all turn from light hearted stories to something more sinister with accusations very quickly. I would not trust someone like this....

sackrifice · 04/07/2019 08:49

'Wigan ain't in the Highlands love. nor in Spain'

I think you need to be careful as she might well have mental health issues, and that's why the total bullshit pours out of her.

You do need to bring past tall tales into your response, rather than 'call her out' so that she knows that you take note of past lies...and depending on your relationship with her manager, let them know that it is starting to become an issue and can they reign her in on it.

Chamomileteaplease · 04/07/2019 08:55

OK yes I know that was harsh to call someone a lying weirdo. Sorry.

But can you imagine working with someone like this everyday? Stuck in an office unable to escape listening to this nonsense? Day after day?

I can't imagine having much patience for the reasons behind it, as others have agreed.

msmith501 · 04/07/2019 08:55

It sounds like she has low self esteem, is insecure in her friendships and is really trying hard to fit in but maybe isn't experienced enough in life to know how to go about it, so creates a small life of her own with details that mirror other peoples. I'd suggest focusing on her positives and maybe some of the need to make things up will be replaced by actual new life experiences?

x2boys · 04/07/2019 08:56

My sil was like this the problem is I think they believe their own lies, she told some real.whoppers some quite amusing like she had met Jon Bon Jovi,and made him a coffee ,and that she had swum the English Channel, others were really dangerous and caused a lot of heartache ,she ,s dead now sadly it's difficult to believe anything people like this say.

HarryElephante · 04/07/2019 08:57

What a great post. You get to look a bit superior and kinder than everyone else, without having to bother yourself with any of the pesky practicalities around how you’d actually do this

Pesky practicalities of showing compassion?

Awesome. No wonder the world is f*cked.