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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to pull up work bullshitter

107 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 04/07/2019 08:08

I work with a really nice lady but she lies constantly about the weirdest stuff

She can’t drive which is fine but she recently found out she was pretty much the only person in the office who can’t so has started telling people she can drive but just doesn’t because her car is broken.

I’m from a tiny village in the highlands and someone who used to holiday there a lot asked me which one as they might know it.
She then claimed she lived there for a bit when she was younger. I brushed this off with “oh that’s nice” but wanted to say “no you fucking didn’t and last week you were telling everyone you’d lived in Wigan your whole life” and recently this week she’s telling people she grew up in Spain.

Every other week she’s claiming she has a different learning difficulty/disability/mental health problem (which as someone who has had issues with mental health I find fucking offensive.)

Then this week there seems to be something in the water as a few people in the office have announced they are pregnant. Inevitably she is now claiming she thinks she might be/her period is late, when a week ago she was being weird and oversharing how she hasn’t had sex this yearHmm

AIBU to tell her to shut the fuck up. I know other colleagues are annoyed too...

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 04/07/2019 10:23

@LetsSplashMummy

I agree with your approach. IME people like this are doing it because they want to "fit in", they worry they have no interesting life experiences or nothing in common with colleagues (hence, "Oh yes I used to live there too" and "I can drive all of the sudden".)

Personally OP I would speak to her privately and gently give a few examples where she has contradicted herself and tell her that she doesn't need to be a Billy Bullshitter - people like her for herself and would rather hear about her real life, but if she continues bullshitting then she's going to get known for it and people will start to assume everything she says is bolllocks.

However you do need to be prepared that she may react very defensively. I think some compulsive liars do start to believe their own version of reality.

Bettyspants · 04/07/2019 10:24

Tricky, I'd want to pull her up on Every thing but then I can feel a bit vindictive towards bull shiters. As others have suggested for her to lie to such an extent could indicate there's something organic going on causing her to behave in this way. Of course you could be the amazing person who tries to help but I've found this approach can backfire ending up with the 'helper ' being accused as a trouble maker (the irony). I would go neutral and ignore it.

Dropitlikeitshot · 04/07/2019 10:26

We have just had a similar short lived version of this at work.

Everything bad that could ever happen to you, has happened to her in this past few months, and her life is much more dramatic than anyone else’s.

She told everyone about being told she had cancer the other week despite not having any biopsies or blood tests, her grandmother had a heart attack but was well enough to go on holiday the next day, she’s starting IVF although she doesn’t want children yet etc etc.
In the end people got absolutely sick of hearing this rubbish and always a different story, and stopped giving her attention.

She stormed out and never came back the other week saying ‘everyone has ganged up on her’ as some dared question why you’d start IVF 5 years before wanting a child.

Always question the things you deem appropriate to question, it’ll stop her on her tracks.

VanGoghsDog · 04/07/2019 10:31

Every other week she’s claiming she has a different learning difficulty/disability/mental health problem (which as someone who has had issues with mental health I find fucking offensive.)

Given her behaviour - she probably has.

LennieLou · 04/07/2019 10:31

I have experienced this, it's can be very frustrating, calling them out would have to be done carefully and jokey I think, as they do not admit their lies and it gets turned on you.

driggle · 04/07/2019 10:34

There's a mum at the school like this and everyone knows everything she says is a load of bollocks and most people give her a wide berth now. From the moment she meets someone she tells them how rich she and her husband are and how many houses they have. She actually lives in a council flat (no judgment, so do I, but I'm open about it). She's been saying her child is moving to private school for nearly 4 years now and that her new mansion is being renovated. She's very aggressive as a person generally so most people just nod and move along rather than call her out on it.

It's sad because she can never be liked for who she really is because she's always lying. And if someone does like her, she'll know deep down they only like the pretend version of her. In reality after 4 years everyone knows she's a liar so hardly anyone talks to her anymore.

Viviennemary · 04/07/2019 10:35

It's irritating but she does sound pretty harmless. In a way you have to feel a bit sorry for her if she feels she needs to make up tales all the time.

HarryElephante · 04/07/2019 10:42

Is it compassionate to pretend to believe it all

It might be, but it's an odd take on compassion. Compassion is showing understanding and guidance. Not indulgence. For me, anyway.

sneakypinky · 04/07/2019 10:43

I ignore people like this, don't get involved.

They always trip themselves up in the end. Pretty sad really, but I don't pander to it.

MagpieSong · 04/07/2019 10:48

I would agree with some previous posters that most people who lie in this way have mental health problems. I would not call her up or pull her up on it. She sounds insecure and Panoka7 made a good point, both about attachment disorders and approaching the manager if you feel it causes issues in the work environment. There are so many mental health conditions that cause people to do this, including backgrounds of trauma or exposure to alcohol in utero.

As you have said, you have mental health problems. I can understand you finding her claims offensive (I have diagnosed MH issues and quite a bit of experience in MH), but in reality, she is likely to have something too - though probably not what she is claiming to have. I would try to view it as a symptom of her's, which is difficult to deal with and sometimes means she is offensive, but something which shouldn't be hugely judged as we don't and can't know her background or life experiences.

Jux · 04/07/2019 10:49

Play along? "You grew up in Spain? Was that Spain in Wigan? Know it well, my bf lives there; fab wool shop with a great Deli so you can eat sarnies while eyeing up your yarn of choice...."

Just let your imagination flow.

Sammy900 · 04/07/2019 10:55

I used to know a girl like this many years ago - back when I had a Saturday job...It was annoying at first but once a fellow workmate and I had twigged that her amazing stories were outrageous lies ..we used to find it quite amusing and encourage her to expand on her stories

.....oh really you lived in that exact same remote village? What school did you go to? Where did you hang out? Remember what happened at black rock (no incident really)..go on tell everyone the story....

Sammy900 · 04/07/2019 10:56

Jux - snap!

Piggle23 · 04/07/2019 10:59

This could be anything op. Be careful what you say. Trauma and PTSD can cause issues like this. I know. I do it. I have severe PTSD from a violent upbringing.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 04/07/2019 11:00

Ok it’s a bit weird but hardly the crime of the year. She’s hardly evil out drowning puppies, it’s just a few little white lies. She isn’t hurting anyone

No need to call her out or some of the mean responses on here, Just nod and move on with the work day.....

perplexedagain · 04/07/2019 11:16

I would ignore this to be honest. Everyone knows it isn't true if she is changing her story all the time. You don't know if she has mental health problems or not nor if managers or others know something you don't. FWIW, I have been in an office with someone like this - she pretended to be pregnant, and wasn't, and other stuff. No one talked about it but we all knew something was't right - she left eventually, thank goodness.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/07/2019 11:27

Thing is, these people are actually horribly destructive. In many cases they can't help it, and may even sincerely believe some of their own bullshit, but the consequences for other people can be devastating: compulsive liars can end up draining you of money, humiliating you in front of others, causing huge inconvenience and worry for those who know them (can you tell I once dated one?)
Is there anyone sensible in HR you could have a quiet word with? Sometimes people like this lie about their own competence to the extent that they get trusted with a job they can't do, with awful fallout.

Artnan · 04/07/2019 11:28

I know someone just like this! First she told me she had broken her back in a fall from a horse. Then she was epileptic. Was going through a hellish divorce etc. I took her at face value and was always checking that she was OK, but subsequently discovered that none of it was true. The most recent thing was she has 'decided' she is having panic attacks - because someone else in our group was hospitalised after having one while we were out. We used to feel sorry for her, but not anymore!

PuffsMummie · 04/07/2019 11:33

She sounds totally wackadoodle but why does it bother you?

Also, "she’s claiming she has a different learning difficulty/disability/mental health problem (which as someone who has had issues with mental health I find fucking offensive.)" Tbf it does sound like she has some MH issues of her own!

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 04/07/2019 11:33

Ignore

As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, as long as she does her job properly and doesn't lie to cover mistakes, as long as she doesn't beg for money for some invented scam, why does it matter?
I'd completely ignore her, but really, who cares where she was raised. I wouldn't even take the piss with her nonsense, I would just avoid her as much as possible.

MirandaGoshawk · 04/07/2019 11:33

Pinkhart - it can start out harmless but can end up causing a lot of pain. I had a friend like this at school. She would say stuff like her cousin was called Melanie because her mother had eaten a melon, and someone else was called Robert because they'd had a robbery. But gradually we all came to not believe anything she said.

I didn't see her much after we left school, and then she contacted me on FB and we caught up. She then asked me if I'd heard that my ex-DH had died (aged 45). I hadn't. I asked her how she knew - his best friend had told her, but she didn't know the best friend's name. How/why had he died? Didn't know that either - odd, because you'd ask, wouldn't you? It sounded odd, but who would lie about that? Then two years later, my mum met him on a bus, this zombie. It wasn't actually a huge deal for me, but it could have been! I feel for her dch being brought up with that.

As to how the OP should handle it, I think maybe a quiet word. Maybe it will do the trick, but not if she has a compulsion.

Supersimpkin · 04/07/2019 11:35

Be nice, but don't feed the vampire. Bullshitters are boring and rude. And watch out... the lies can start harmless, but if they turn to accusations, you're all in trouble.

Bet you £100 within weeks she'll have a dangerous illness.

Duster12 · 04/07/2019 11:35

Imagine lying about living in Wigan 😂😂

Dirtydancefloors · 04/07/2019 11:36

Pretty sad that so many people are so quick to assume the worst and throw around words like 'weirdo'.

Unless the lies are malicious it's pretty obvious that these tall tales are born from a feeling of inadequacy or wanting to fit in. Sure it can be annoying but if she's a nice person which the op initially said she was then why make a big deal of it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jjou · 04/07/2019 11:40

It's hard - we used to have someone like this in our office; it was exhausting. In the end nobody used to speak ever, as she would just dominate and manipulate the conversation, and spout her bullshit. I used to be dying to call her out on it, as it was so insulting that she thought we believed all the nonsense she came out with. She must have thought we were all as thick as mince.