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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to pull up work bullshitter

107 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 04/07/2019 08:08

I work with a really nice lady but she lies constantly about the weirdest stuff

She can’t drive which is fine but she recently found out she was pretty much the only person in the office who can’t so has started telling people she can drive but just doesn’t because her car is broken.

I’m from a tiny village in the highlands and someone who used to holiday there a lot asked me which one as they might know it.
She then claimed she lived there for a bit when she was younger. I brushed this off with “oh that’s nice” but wanted to say “no you fucking didn’t and last week you were telling everyone you’d lived in Wigan your whole life” and recently this week she’s telling people she grew up in Spain.

Every other week she’s claiming she has a different learning difficulty/disability/mental health problem (which as someone who has had issues with mental health I find fucking offensive.)

Then this week there seems to be something in the water as a few people in the office have announced they are pregnant. Inevitably she is now claiming she thinks she might be/her period is late, when a week ago she was being weird and oversharing how she hasn’t had sex this yearHmm

AIBU to tell her to shut the fuck up. I know other colleagues are annoyed too...

OP posts:
WhatTheWatersShowedMe · 04/07/2019 08:58

Ignore her. Don't feed the psychic vampire.

NameChangeNugget · 04/07/2019 08:59

YANBU, She sounds like an attention seeking prick.

I wouldn’t bother to be honest

HarryElephante · 04/07/2019 09:02

*OK yes I know that was harsh to call someone a lying weirdo. Sorry.

But can you imagine working with someone like this everyday? Stuck in an office unable to escape listening to this nonsense? Day after day?*

Definitely get this view. And, yeah, dealing with it day to day would be tough. But I'm always reminded of the saying 'Be Kind; Everyone you meet is, fighting a tough battle'. And I imagine compulsive liars are doing it tougher than a lot of others.

howdyalikemenow · 04/07/2019 09:03

@HarryElephante I have personally al experience of a relationship with a compulsive liar so yes, called out.

They nearly ruined my life with their lies so I'm less inclined to 'understand' and more inclined to 'call out'. People like this may look benign or a bit sad but my own experience dictates my response and I tried compassion. It got me nowhere.

Funnyface1 · 04/07/2019 09:04

Leave her to it. I'm sure it's very annoying but you'll only make trouble for yourself.

RevRichardWayneGaryWayne · 04/07/2019 09:06

Is she new there? i worked with a guy once who when he started was telling every one about the car he owned - except everyone was getting told a different car! tand the all would have been about 4 or 5 x his annual salary. Then wondered why everyone took the piss when he showed up in a clapped out old fiesta! Just one example there we other obvious lies too

The point is, once he'd settled in the lies stopped and he was actually an ok guy. I think he was just trying to make himself seem more interesting cos he was new" - I think that's the best you can hope for.

Otherwise I think the best way forward, as others have said, is to gently and privately call her out on the small stuff.

HarryElephante · 04/07/2019 09:09

howdyalikemenow

That's your experience, so I obviously won't argue with that.

But, in general, showing compassion is the better route.

LadyBumclock · 04/07/2019 09:14

The trouble is people who lie make other people annoyed and angry. It's possible to feel that compassion for someone who has a problem, but also find it difficult to deal with day-to-day. Someone who lies a lot makes genuine interaction impossible because you don't trust them and there is no real genuine "person" available to relate to.

I'd try not to be horrible - it could make her very uncomfortable or worse to show her up. But I'd reduce my interactions with her to the minimum and do them by email as much as possible, so I had a reliable record of what was said. I'd be kind, i.e. continue to say hi and offer her a coffee if I was making one etc. But I'd avoid conversations in order to avoid getting visibly irritated.

If she ever asked why people didn't like her or something, I might gently explain.

TwistyTop · 04/07/2019 09:14

Sounds like she has her own mental health issues. As she is just a colleague, and not someone who has any real importance or impact on your life, I would just totally ignore her. Especially if she is claiming to have health problems - you don't know with 100% certainty what's true and what isn't and you could land yourself in a whole heap of hot water. Just stay away from that conversation.

HazelBite · 04/07/2019 09:19

I'm in my 60's and during my life I have come across 3 people like this, initially you believe what they say (I mean why wouldn't you take things at face value), but as time goes at the lower scale it is irritating, way up the scale they are very dangerous.
All 3 that I have known have, ultimately, caused immense distress to those around them, and in one case real harm.
Be very wary, avoid as much as you possibly can, acknowledge their presence, but try not to even get involved in their conversations.
These people believe their own shit, however bizarre, and be quite hostile to those who call them out!

MonkeyTrap · 04/07/2019 09:21

I have one in my office too. I just try and ignore it now. It’s tiring trying to pull them up on it.

Pinkyyy · 04/07/2019 09:25

I'm guessing everyone knows fully well that she's always lying. Just ignore it, pulling her up will get you nowhere, she will just make more lies to cover her lies.

MsJudgemental · 04/07/2019 09:26

I once worked with someone like this. He ended up raping someone and leaving her for dead.

thedevondumpling · 04/07/2019 09:27

I've known a couple of people like this and it is annoying. One of them told a big lie and I was at a funeral of one of her close relatives who I also knew. One of her aunts started talking about the thing she had lied about and asked me something that if I had answered honestly would have outed her big lie (bit hard to explain) and she looked at me with total panic in her face and in that moment we both acknowledge that she was lying, I knew she was lying and she knew I knew. I didn't drop her in it and the lying really died down alot after that. I know she did it to other people.

I do think it is a mental health issue, some of the lies she told were just so stupid and pointless.

The other person was someone I worked with and it got to me one day, I think one of my kids had been ill and I was sleep deprived and I just called her out on it. She blustered and everyone looked a bit stunned. She avoided me after that and I felt bad as again I think she had some issues.

In the end almost everyone will realise they are lying and they look foolish. I wouldn't say anything, calling my colleague out didn't make me feel good to be honest.

chocpop · 04/07/2019 09:41

YANBU.

Was friendly with someone like this in school. Eventually everything he said became known as a "insert name story", and a lot of us just called him out on it immediately. Eg: you say you've booked this place but the booking never existed? Dave story.

It'll always catch up on them, though. The boy who cried wolf too many times. Eventually he tried to tell his gf about him being taken in by another family member and literally no one believed him. We only found out he was telling the truth through another source. We felt bad but what do you expect to happen after years of utterly pointless lies?

OP, I'd just jokingly call them out while the lies are relatively harmless and leave it at that. If she starts lying about serious things, eg about you, I wouldn't hesitate to file a grievance. There's only so much patience you can have.

Also, post script, but why does every negative attribute people have have to be a mental illness and you can't dare call someone out for it? Can people just not be irritating anymore?

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 04/07/2019 09:42

It's quite sad that she feels she needs to lie about these things.

Butterymuffin · 04/07/2019 09:43

Tricky because it's hard to know when it'll cross over into lying about things that actually matter.

Mabelface · 04/07/2019 09:48

I work with one of these. She also likes to answer questions that have been asked of someone else and butts in all the time, but woe betide anyone do it to her! She also wants to get me into trouble, which she won't be able to do. I've moved desks so I don't have to suffer her.

LetsSplashMummy · 04/07/2019 09:59

Is it compassionate to pretend to believe it all? I don't think it is, it probably feeds the sense of her not really knowing who she is or feeling anyone knows her/listens to her.

I think you can be compassionate and let her know you don't believe her. You can take her to one side and say "you don't have to pretend you can drive, nobody here thinks any less of you for not being able to yet." and "I understand it can be hard to be surrounded by pregnancy announcements while you're single and not pregnant, but you'll get your chance in the future, don't worry."

x2boys · 04/07/2019 10:07

I.don't think you have to pretend to believe it, in my sil, case it was easier to ignore or or just give very short answers when she launched into one of her bull shit stories and not acknowledge or change the subject ,she could be quite manipulative and would try and turn things back on you to save her own face I suppose

howdyalikemenow · 04/07/2019 10:07

Exactly my point @LetsSplashMummy - you articulated it better than me. When I say no compassion I don't mean being nasty I just mean not indulging it by pretending to believe it.

skybluee · 04/07/2019 10:08

how strange. aside from anything else, how doesn't she realise that it's obvious, people will remember her previous stories and know she's lying?

twoshedsjackson · 04/07/2019 10:16

I am currently encountering somebody like this, (not trapped in an office, thank goodness!) and I am grateful to the insight of other Mumsnetters as to why it is really bugging me so much! I think the comment about wanting to relating to somebody, but not being able to because they conststantly present another version of themselves has given me an insight I really needed - thank you! The temptation to call them out on blatant inconsistencies is a real mental itch, but I try to see the need to fit in to the group as what drives it, and, truly, in this case, it's harmless, and in fact so clumsy as to be laughable.
In my teaching days, I had to speak gently to a pupil who was devastated by the cynicism of his fellow 7-year-olds when he brought some genuine fossils in to show them. They were so inured to his tall tales that my supporting assertion that they were not plastic carried no weight; it was a harsh lesson in not crying wolf.
But I agree that it is concerning that a full-grown adult is still stuck at this stage. Somehow, they have never gained the confidence to be liked for themselves.

HippyTrails · 04/07/2019 10:21

I know you find her saying she has a mental health issue offensive but it does sound like she may have some sort of problem here or maybe she is just very very lonely

Ponoka7 · 04/07/2019 10:22

Don't call her out, it might be a Mental health condition.

I've know people with severe attachment disorders to do this, as well.

If it's really changing the atmosphere at work, then go to your Manager, whi can offer support.

I found when working in an office that you've got to become resilient against other people.

As you wpuld answer someone whose views you don't agree with, or you don't want to engage with, give short answers and don't indulge them.

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