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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH annoyed at me for my family using affectionate abbreviated name for DS

56 replies

Pleaser256 · 03/07/2019 23:00

My husband is annoyed at me and has said I don’t respect his feelings or views because I haven’t called my family out for using a shortened version of DS’s name (he’s 3).
What they say is (in my opinion) an affectionate shortening of his name, that they use sometimes. I won’t say the name but think “Jason” and they call him “Jasey”.

I respect his choice to be bothered by it but I think he’s overreacting slightly.
I think they’ll grow out of using it but he wants me to tell them now.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2019 23:02

Tell him to get stuffed. If your child doesn’t like it, he will correct them.

Mummoomoocow · 03/07/2019 23:02

Agreed with your dh I’m afraid. A nickname sticks and he’s expressing his desire to use his real chosen name and you should be either telling him he’s wrong (which he isn’t as it’s an opinion) or supporting him. Yabu.

PersonaNonGarter · 03/07/2019 23:05

I agree with your DH. I would hate my in-laws taking control of my child’s name.

SylviaAndSidney · 03/07/2019 23:05

Tell him to use his given name himself by all means, he can't control what others call him.

Reinga · 03/07/2019 23:06

YANBU. There's far worse things going on in the world than your family calling your child an affectionate nickname.
If it bothers your DH so much, he can speak to your family and explain why he'd prefer for them to use your DS's "real" name. I don't see why you should have to bring it up if it doesn't bother you?

CloudRusting · 03/07/2019 23:07

If both of you as parents have decided on a name and don’t want it shortened then I would expect your family to respect your choice not to use abbreviation

TheInebriati · 03/07/2019 23:09

Yanbu, he has no good reason to be annoyed at you. He's a grown adult and can say something himself.

Whathappenedtooursummer · 03/07/2019 23:09

Let him tell them if he has an issue!! Let him look like a complete knob....
Did you discuss the name and its abbreviations? My dc have names that can't be shortened all except 1. I have reminded teachers of her full name but at her request as she was too shy to say she preferred full name.. Family is different imo. Yours is just making the relationship with ds that bit more special by giving him a nn...

raspberryk · 03/07/2019 23:10

Tell him if he's so bothered he can tell them. I think it's petty.

Charmatt · 03/07/2019 23:11

I agree with your husband. I hated it when other people shortened my son's name. You and your husband chose it. Unless your son decides to use a familiar version of it, it isn't anyone else's decision to make!

sevenoftwelve · 03/07/2019 23:11

"Calling them out" sounds a touch dramatic for such a nothingness. Actually, this whole thing sounds over dramatic.

Sixgeese · 03/07/2019 23:12

I agree with DH, tell them now before it becomes a habit.

We used to use a short version of DD1s name. Think Izzi for Isabel. When she was 3 or 4 she asked if we could use her proper name. My family and DH and I call her what she wants to be known as, my In Laws won't as "she will always be Izzi to us"

DD1 is now 12, she doesn't like it, I have spoken to them about it numerous times, and after a visit her older brother calls her it too, knowing it will wind her up.

I really wish DH had nipped it in the bud 8 years ago.

TheSmallAssassin · 03/07/2019 23:13

It's not your husband's name to get bothered about. What will happen when your son gets a bit older and decides he wants people to call him by a shortened name? Is your husband going to ban your son from deciding?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 03/07/2019 23:15

I think if your DH goes on with this he’s going to give your son a weird hang up about his name. He’ll either get very annoyed about being called “jasey” out of a sense of duty to his dad (which is totally unnecessary because what harm is an affectionate name?) or he’ll like “jasey” or whatever nicknames his friends come up with as he grows but feel guilty about responding to them.

Your DH needs to cop himself on. No -one is being rude or hurtful to your DS. He is whingeing because he sees your DS’s name as his own possession that he should have control over. He is wrong. It’s your son’s name, if he likes jasey then jasey is fine.

ElizaPancakes · 03/07/2019 23:18

Now these posts I do not understand. It is totally normal to use baby talk for babies which is what this is. My kids get called a variety of silly things, I honestly can't imagine getting upset about it.

So I think YANBU and your husband is being precious.

81Byerley · 03/07/2019 23:24

When my Granddaughter was little, I called her "Bethy baby" ...I grew out of it and now she's in her twenties I no longer call her that. I can sort of understand your husband's feelings, as I didn't like my son's name shortened, but I think if your husband has a problem , he should address it himself.

Teddybear45 · 03/07/2019 23:24

If it’s just your family using this shortened nickname I would question why. Is your family otherwise controlling? Do they not like your DS name? Do they have problems respecting you in general?

GabsAlot · 03/07/2019 23:25

Mynan could never pronounce my name properly it came out differnt everytime-my DF used to correct her than gave up

Does it really matter if your son doesnt like it when hes older he can correct them

LilQueenie · 03/07/2019 23:28

If your ds doesn't mind then who cares. Why is your dh annoyed at you can't he open his mouth and say something himself.

saraclara · 03/07/2019 23:31

I understand his feelings, but as he's the one who doesn't like it, it's up to him to let them know that he'd rather they didn't use that name.

HollaHolla · 03/07/2019 23:32

I’m the other way around. I never ever use my given name, only the shortened ‘nickname’. I was very vocal about it from around the age of 6. Your son will make his feelings known. It also won’t stop older relatives calling him whatever they like.

TreacherousPissFlap · 03/07/2019 23:33

Well I can actually see both sides.

DM and DSDad started to call DS by a pet name, in fact the name of an animal. It grated on me at first but as an only grandchild I let it go. DS is 15 now and DSDad has died but the name lives on. Even worse, actual people where DM lives use it, there's even some who don't know his real name

It's gone too far now to stop it and I think DM would be really upset if she knew how much I loathe it. By contrast DS is stoic enough about it, but I doubt he's telling all his mates about it!

Durgasarrow · 03/07/2019 23:33

I agree with your husband.

HellYeah90s · 03/07/2019 23:34

I am with your DH on this.

I have the opposite problem, my bloody parents called me a diminutive of a full version name, and my uncles call me the full version. I am 35, wish my parents said something 30 odd years ago.

Not my real name but they would call me Anna even though it was Annie on BC.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/07/2019 23:38

I think it's a bit of a shame to get uptight about affectionate nicknames (unless they have interpretations which the kid could regret when they're older). But at the same time, this is your DH and the father of the boy in question. If you didn't like what his relatives called your child, wouldn't you feel like more of a united team if your DH had your back on that one?

It doesn't need to be a big deal, just next time they use it say "Hey mum, we've been thinking we don't really want him called Jaycee, could you stick to Jase, Jason or Jay? Please?" Or similar.

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