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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH annoyed at me for my family using affectionate abbreviated name for DS

56 replies

Pleaser256 · 03/07/2019 23:00

My husband is annoyed at me and has said I don’t respect his feelings or views because I haven’t called my family out for using a shortened version of DS’s name (he’s 3).
What they say is (in my opinion) an affectionate shortening of his name, that they use sometimes. I won’t say the name but think “Jason” and they call him “Jasey”.

I respect his choice to be bothered by it but I think he’s overreacting slightly.
I think they’ll grow out of using it but he wants me to tell them now.

OP posts:

Saracen · 03/07/2019 23:38

YANBU. I think it is sweet that they are so fond of him that they have a pet name for him. My MIL tried to insist that everyone should call my youngest child by MIL's preferred nickname. We declined, but didn't stop her using it. The nickname was evidence of her special relationship with her grandchild.

It is entirely different if/when the child objects to the nickname. Then you'll need to stick up for him.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/07/2019 23:42

Time enough to start the footstamping when your DS is old enough to object to it. Until then, remind your H, with a bright smile, that not everything is about him and his opinion is no more important than everyone else's.

PregnantSea · 03/07/2019 23:46

Go with what your DC wants to be called.

chipsandgin · 04/07/2019 00:09

People will shorten his name his whole life, he may even end up being known by a random nickname. Hand him a large grip!

Sobeyondthehills · 04/07/2019 00:18

DS is known by a few names (as am I) however he is getting to the stage of deciding what he wants to be called. He has asked me not to call him the nickname I gave him and also he prefers to be called the shorter version of his name. (Apparently I can call him his nickname when we are home and there are no visitors)

So far everyone has respected his wishes but I would pull people up on it if they didn't.

notangelinajolie · 04/07/2019 00:19

I'm team DH. Your son has a name and your family should use it.

BackforGood · 04/07/2019 00:28

I think it's a bit of a shame to get uptight about affectionate nicknames
YANBU. I think it is sweet that they are so fond of him that they have a pet name for him
The nickname was evidence of her special relationship with her grandchild.
People will shorten his name his whole life, he may even end up being known by a random nickname. Hand him a large grip!

All of these ^
Your dh IBU.

Jux · 04/07/2019 00:38

We used a similarly babyish nickname for dd until she started school when we knew she would be teased if any of her classmates heard it.

I think your dh is being a bit silly and making a mountain our of a mole hill, but if the boot were on the other foot his family were using a nickname you didn't like, would you expect hm to stop them?

StoppinBy · 04/07/2019 00:39

He is BU, my FIL has an absolutely terrible nickname for our DD and I can't stand it but I know it is done with love so while I cringe inside I just try to put on a blank face and ignore it (think calling her a kind of insect that is in a movie with her name). I would happily settle for a shortened version of her name haha.

Whoops75 · 04/07/2019 00:42

I agree with your husband
Do a poll

DecomposingComposers · 04/07/2019 00:51

Your husband should do the same to all of your family's names - after all it's cute and affectionate. Maybe they'll stop doing it when they realise they don't like it much.

BlackCatSleeping · 04/07/2019 00:54

Are they Scottish? I can see why some nicknames would grate. For example if your kid is called Jeremy and family start calling him Jez or Jezza. I wouldn't like it. I know a Scottish boy called James and his family call him Jamsey. I think it's a common way to make nicknames in Scotland.

Northernparent68 · 04/07/2019 00:55

It’s probably more about him feeling his view are n’t respected than the nickname. It’s not a pleasant feeling, so would it kill you to respect his wishes on this issue ? It’s his child too.

DaftHannah · 04/07/2019 00:55

We gave our children names which were not easy to shorten. Both DCs were quite happily saddled with an abbreviation of our surname as nicknames at school that we did not anticipate. DS often comments now he is an adult and working for years, that it is still weird for him to hear people calling him by his actual name.

DecomposingComposers · 04/07/2019 00:58

Until then, remind your H, with a bright smile, that not everything is about him and his opinion is no more important than everyone else's.

Well, he's the child's dad so I think his opinion in his son's name is more important than everyone else's, bar the child's mum.

BackforGood · 04/07/2019 01:23

I know someone who refuses to use any shortening of anyone's name, even when they specifically say to her "My name is Bob, that is what I'd like you to call me, please don't call me Robert".
What we do with her is specifically shorten her name, which she hates being shortened, to show her just how rude it is to continue to call someone a version of their name that they don't like. When she shudders, we can then point out that is exactly what she is doing to other people - dictating to them what they should be called. Sometimes, you need to really spell it out to people.

I still think he is making a mountain out of a molehill, but, if it really grates on him that much, maybe your husband could start to shorten your family's names and see if it grates on them ?

NameChange92 · 04/07/2019 01:40

Why can’t he say something himself if he’s bothered by it? If he’s managed to father a child he should be mature enough to be able to hold a conversation with your parents, otherwise he’s really going to struggle with parenting.

As to whether he’s being unreasonable it depends on whether it’s a specific nn he doesn’t like, or any nn at all. If the former fair enough, if the latter he needs to get over himself and not be that parent.

NameChange92 · 04/07/2019 01:44

@Mummoomoocow why should op be supporting her dh in his opinion? It is as you say just an opinion, until her ds is old enough to have a preference of his own surely op’s opinion carries just as much weight as her dh’s?

Monty27 · 04/07/2019 01:48

I agree with your DH. Why not just say the child's name? It's what his name is. Your child can make their own mind up when he's mature enough to do so.

NameChange92 · 04/07/2019 01:50

@Sixgeese
You do realise it can go the other way too? Personally i’ve never liked my full name so would always choose to go by a shortened version. Unless you have a crystal ball which can predict which names your child will themselves like as they grow older (which may of course also change over time) nipping nn’s in the bud isn’t the solution. The problem you have isn’t that you allowed her to go by a nn when she was younger, it’s the people who won’t respect your daughter’s wishes

DeeCeeCherry · 04/07/2019 01:50

Your son may end up shortening his name anyway.

I doubt he'll go through life pulling up everyone who doesn't say the full version of his name.

Is your H going to be on name patrol?

Let him tell your family he doesn't like it.

I have a 3 syllable name that's often shortened by others. Even my own parents. So what - I'm still me and I know and have my name.

Big fuss about nothing.

steff13 · 04/07/2019 01:52

My grandfather always called me Susie. No relation to my real name. I have no idea where it came from or when began, it just always was. And I loved it. If your son doesn't like it, he'll make his feelings known. If everyone else calls him by his given name, I doubt it will catch on. I don't see the harm.

Ihatehashtags · 04/07/2019 08:11

Jasey 🤮🤮

AyBeeCee10 · 04/07/2019 08:14

Yanbu our families call ds a name that's not even related to his name! He is 3yo and knows perfectly well what his name is. It's not like your ds will walk around confused by his name. Your dh is being petty about this.

SoupDragon · 04/07/2019 08:15

The advice when it's the mother who doesn't like it and it is the in-laws doing this is to call them by a daft name until they get the message.

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