To wonder how DH will cope with his new baby *Thread title edited at OP's request*

[user87382294757]

At 50. We have two already and he really wants another one. Ours are late primary / early secondary age. I can't have another myself (nor would I choose to have another now, mid 40s) due to previous medical issues. So, as the mortgage is due to be paid off etc I have suggested he either could look at adoption or fostering, perhaps, and it will fall to him to sort childcare / feeding / nappy changing due to having two children already.

Sorry I meant 'cope with his new baby'

YANBU although you both have to really be onboard, and it sounds as if you’re a bit ambivalent.

Either way it’s a hard slog and adoption will change your family forever so you all (kids included) have to be 100%

I can't imagine you would be accepted for adoption or fostering as a couple if you are so detached from it all. So I think your question is academic.

I'm not sure that a child would be placed with you of only one person in the couple is on board with fostering / adopting (sorry if I've misunderstood, but it sounds like the child would be solely his responsibility day-to-day?).

I think it would be cruel to bring a child into a family where only one person appears to want them.

Why does he want another baby?

What they all said.

It’s not that easy to just get accepted for adoption

Yep- I don't want another one, hoping this might make him realise the reality of the situation. Sorry should have explained meaning in a a lighthearted way. There's no way he will be accepted to foster / adopt. he's a workaholic and also has an autoimmune disease. It annoys me how he sees having another DC as some kind of easy plan. I can only cope with two, only just as it is!

Definitely Yabu to consider adoption/fostering when you don't want another child. Also doubt you would be accepted without both of you demonstrating that you are fully committed to fulfilling the needs of the child. It sounds like your talking about getting a pet not a child!

Why does he want another baby? Because he is kind of broody and misses the baby stage

It sounds as if you're negotiating getting a dog or something

First of all, fostering is a job, not parenting-lite — an important job, but a foster carer is not the placed child’s parent — and adopting involves a gruelling process of approval and matching, and often involves intensive therapeutic parenting for a child whose early life has been difficult, AND you would need to absolutely be 100% on board for your DH to be approved.

I bet you were the one dealing with most of the shitty end (no pun intended) of raiding the children and he worked full time so got the the hugs and cuddles. It’s easy to be broody when you’re getting the easy part of parenting.

Raising *

I bet you were the one dealing with most of the shitty end (no pun intended) of raiding the children and he worked full time so got the the hugs and cuddles. It’s easy to be broody when you’re getting the easy part of parenting. Yep

Has no-one a sense of humour? I'm not meaning it seriously

Can a man be broody? That's weird.

I have also mentioned he would probably need to give up his much loved study for the new baby. And the nearby nursery is at least £60 a day.

Broody...maybe kind of soppy / idealistic about babies / toddlers? Not sure. He gets very kind of misty eyed and aww, when they are on TV of when relatives ones visit.

Tell him to get a puppy.

Yep he wants a puppy also. I have also told him similar for that too as not into dogs

Could you get him a dog/cat/hobby instead? He probably just needs something to fill the gap as your DC become more independent.

Oops, cross post.

So he fancies another baby, but doesn't really want to spend much time with one or do any of the routine slightly crappy stuff.

Does he realise they're not toys that you can pick up and put down as and when you feel like it?

Either get him one of those realist dolls or send him to spend a few days with whichever of your relatives has the most difficult baby. Make sure he does all the nappies, washing, clearing up of sick and night feeds. He'll soon realise it's a completely ridiculous idea.