Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how DH will cope with his new baby *Thread title edited at OP's request*

75 replies

user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 08:57

At 50. We have two already and he really wants another one. Ours are late primary / early secondary age. I can't have another myself (nor would I choose to have another now, mid 40s) due to previous medical issues. So, as the mortgage is due to be paid off etc I have suggested he either could look at adoption or fostering, perhaps, and it will fall to him to sort childcare / feeding / nappy changing due to having two children already.

OP posts:
Original poster
user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 09:25

Well, we have some relatives coming to stay with two tinies soon (he invited them). Going to suggest he looms after them both for a bit to remind him of the reality! Ours were very easy babies and breast fed so never had to do bottles etc, and think he forgets that side of things.

OP posts:
Original poster
user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 09:26

He'll soon realise it's a completely ridiculous idea.

It's totally crazy. The chaos in our house with two already is quite enough at times like getting ready for school / work, homework etc.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 03/07/2019 09:27

Get a puppy for sure!
Honestly, you’re mid 40s. My friend’s DH pulled this rubbish on her when she was 46. It’s your DH’s total mid-life crisis doing the talking here. You’re entering a new stage. I’m there too. 47. Life moves forward and we can’t hang onto the baby stage forever. Dogs have been so healing. Both DH and I have struggled with a mid-life depression and getting a pup (he’s 3 1/2 years now) was just the best thing ever. We got a lab-vizsla cross- a big, gorgeous, chocolate dog. A real hound. Grin

Ninkaninus · 03/07/2019 09:29

Just tell him he’s being soppy and looking at it with rose-tinted eyes, that the reality is nothing like he imagines it to be, and that what he’s feeling is actually middle age coming on and grandfatherly type feelings popping up - circle of life type thing. No need to actually think he wants a baby.

I really dislike it when men who had almost nothing to do with the hard work (shit work, in fact) of babies and young children insist that they must have more,

Original poster
user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 09:30

Dogs have been so healing.

No. We live in an apartment so now allowed anyway thankfully. I'm not keen on dogs and their smell / general neediness and fuss. DH's family have several and always find it stressful visiting them. The needs for walks and attention.

He can do Borrow my Doggy or Cinnamon trust and look after another person's dog perhaps. if he needs 'healing'

OP posts:
Original poster
user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 09:31

Yes it is very annoying Nink, I agree. I do tell him that (he looks mournful)

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 03/07/2019 09:32

Point out it's not that many years till he'll be a grandparent? Grin

Ninkaninus · 03/07/2019 09:32

Maybe a cat would be a better idea!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/07/2019 09:34

What about a Siamese cat? They tend to be adoring, interactive and fairly clean.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 03/07/2019 09:37

See, this is why we had 4 DC, so that now we are on our mid 40s there's no chance of one of us saying something stupid like 'let's have another baby' Grin

I do feel a bit sorry for him though. It's hard when your babies grow up and you realise that part of your life is definitely over for good. I don't really want the baby days back but I still get the odd pang.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 09:38

We aren't allowed pets with 4 legs! (say the apartment rules) but we already have a cute little yellow cockatiel. It is quite tame and keeping DH and the DCs occupied for now. Hoping it is enough. I have seen other family members keep getting more pets after having DC and hoping that won't happen. It tends to be the mothers though.

OP posts:
MrsRussell · 03/07/2019 09:40

My DH sat down after DS was born and wrote a letter to the daughter we'd talked about having.
He was an older dad, I'm an older mum, we looked at it realistically and decided we couldn't cope physically with having either another baby whilst DS was still young, or adopting a child who would have their own issues.

We wish, even 10 years later, that we could have had another child. But it would have been a selfish wish, and I'm glad we didn't.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 03/07/2019 09:40

my DH would love another baby

but I am 48 and on the pill, so it won't happen

easy

if he brings it up, just allow him to dream out loud and say vaguely "yes, wouldn't it be nice", then just don't actually get pregnant (contraception) and don't get involved in the adoption scheme, he won't want to do all the research/paperwork himself and the dream will slowly fade

Broodiness a normal part of midlife crisis! Tell him that Grin

SnuggyBuggy · 03/07/2019 09:44

It's not like he'd ever be approved to adopt and it means you don't have to be the bad guy

Tinkobell · 03/07/2019 09:46

Just get him a puppy OP. A puppy actually does push a lot of the parenting baby care instincts very very well and everyone gets the benefit of exercise and the love and affection of a wonderful dog.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/07/2019 09:48

You can't 'just get someone a puppy' when they live in an apartment that doesn't allow them and a person works full time.

TixieLix · 03/07/2019 09:57

Buy him a Reborn doll. But, if he's to be the main carer for the "baby", then make the whole experience as horrible as possible better and buy him a pregnancy empathy belly first so that he can "be pregnant" before his baby arrives. Might as well let him enjoy the whole thing Grin.

onalongsabbatical · 03/07/2019 09:59

Tell him to hang on in there for grandchildren!

Tinkobell · 03/07/2019 10:03

@Barbara.....chiwawa, dachshund, papillon all fine in an appt. if the family Are all fulltime then how would a baby work v a dog??

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/07/2019 10:06

A cat who has lost one leg in an accident? Grin

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/07/2019 10:08

Ooh, or get him an allotment - that seems to be a popular midlife option around here, and you might get some nice produce.

S1naidSucks · 03/07/2019 10:11

I think you’re brilliant OP! It’s so refreshing reading a thread from someone who is realistic, not letting their husband walk over them and doing it all with a sense of humour.

AutovillaGirl · 03/07/2019 10:19

The question is do YOU want another child? In a marriage it's not all about what he wants. Most probably you would be doing the majority of the childcare/ looking after anyway. If you are content with your family as it is then keep it that way. Maybe he is having some sort of mid-life crisis?

Dragongirl10 · 03/07/2019 10:20

No child really wants a 70 yr old father when they are barely 20.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 10:22

He already has two older DC who he has a good relationship and he's very lucky so I don't feel too sorry for him. I guess it is taken out of our hands in a way as I can't anyway - maybe I am lucky as I don't really get the feeling of wanting more and more like some seem to. I mean I do think they are sweet, but young DC need a lot of attention and support, as well, so yes being realistic is good really. It's really unfair on a DC to be brought into any situation where one parent may resent it, to appease the other. Not good.

OP posts: