‘I should have known not to come to Mumsnet’

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

Does anyone else feel like they’re seeing an ever-increasing number of this threads? OP asks ‘AIBU?’ and, if anyone dares say anything other than ‘Of course not, you’re an amazing mum/MIL is a total bitch/your DH is completely unreasonable and needs to learn to appreciate how wonderful you are’ or whatever it is they want to hear, they come back with:

‘I should have known not to come to Mumsnet for support. More fool me! I’m already feeling shit about this and you have all piled on to slate me and tell me what a worthless person I am. Why is MN like this?!’

Then a couple of posts later we get the ‘I am going to step away from this thread now for my own good’, as if this is something that has taken Ghandi-esque levels of inner calm and dignity, rather than clicking a button. Then if anyone responds with anything other than ‘Oh no, poor OP!’, they’re back demanding to know why people are still being so mean, having clearly not ‘stepped away’ at all.

I’m not talking about posters who get a genuinely hard time they don’t deserve. I’m talking about those who wail that they’ve been ‘slated’ or ‘berated’ if anyone says anything that’s less than 100% in agreement with their position. They cry ‘I just wanted some support!’, yet chose to post on an ADVICE forum. And if they all ‘should have known’, why didn’t they? Why the amateur dramatics because AIBU didn’t turn out to be one big group hug?

@starzig or maybe that’s the only support they can get as they have no support network in RL?

People act on those threads as internet warrior being so sure that they know everything and they are right. Not holding back because straight talk is so good etc...
And forgetting there is a fine line between straight talking and being rude/aggressive/abusive and they actually can’t see it.
Forgetting that they are ready to fire posts at. The OP wo having actually read all the updates (remember cancel the cheque? Well it happens all the time, people giving grief to a poster wo realising they have got the ring end of the stick and that the idea has been corrected NUMEROUS TIMES on the thread)
And forgetting to try and put themselves in the OP shoes, which WILL be different than theirs.

I agree @ChangedNameForToday. I have been here for a similar length of time and I have that as well.

I think what sometimes happens is that someone posts on AIBU just for a bit of a rant. Then people answer that the OP is being unreasonable. Then the OP gets really arsey and combative, then other posters start piling in and getting harsher and harsher and the whole thing just escalates.

Generally on threads where the OP is a bit more open-minded to different points of view they don’t seem to escalate as much.

I do think there are certain red-flag topics on MN where you just know the OP is going to get roasted, eg, holidays during term time or loo brushes.

I like that people here state their honest opinion. All that "you're doin the best u can hun" shit drives me mad.

Call a wanker a wanker.

"And forgetting there is a fine line between straight talking and being rude/aggressive/abusive and they actually can’t see it."

But one person's rude is another person's straight talking.

I know that in Scotland, we're way more direct than the English. I find it hard to talk to English people sometimes, as I have to watch myself constantly so they don't get offended.

Agree that 'straight talking' has spread unhelpfully.

I love AIBU and find it hilarious. I have also had great support from Conception over a long-running thread, and good advice and fun in Chat, S&B, Sleep, Relationships.

However. Sometimes a poster clearly isn't in a good place and it's not crazy to expect respondents to be aware of that.

Two things stick out for me -

One was a thread shortly before my twins were born where I was actually suicidal and I was posting in desperation because I couldn't get the consultant obstetrician to listen to me. I had a lot of baffled responses telling me to just crack on and be grateful I was having babies. Obviously in an ideal world I wouldn't have posted, but I was not really in a state to judge at that point.

Another was after the twins were born, we'd all survived, things were looking up, and then a worker at the children's centre started saying she thought I needed home help. I was gutted as I felt I was coping really well, the paeds team were pleased with us, etc. There was a pile-on, from one poster in particular, telling me I was smug if I thought I could cope with twins etc etc etc. It was horrible. I was just posting for some reassurance. That was in Chat.

I mean, who kicks a new mum of twins like that?

I would say its a mixture of factors. Sometimes, people do just want affirmation and applause, and are aggrieved when they don't get it. But it's equally true that some posters regard AIBU as a blood-sport, will twist ANY situation to say that the OP was being unreasonable, drip venom, smugness and, having had a irony bypass, crowingly judge the OP for being judgemental. Some people post here feeling cheerful and are robust enough to filter out the nasty idiots, but that isn't the case for everyone.

I always say people of a weak mind should not post on forums and social media. It's so impersonal, ill-informed and judgemental, you gotta be able to take it with a pinch of salt

I’ve been slaughtered a few times over the years on here but I still completely agree. I’ve never asked for a thread to be deleted or reported posts on my threads because, well, I’m and adult and perfectly capable of simply hiding threads when they go a bit .

I wrote an AIBU recently because I wanted the range of answers. I wanted a balanced view and that’s what I got. I adjusted my reaction to something as a result.

There’s no point in taking individual posts personally. There are always a few unnecessarily spiteful comments, you just have to filter them out.

No-one makes anyone post on MN.

True. But no-one makes anyone be gratuitously nasty but they are all the same.

cassian I'm from Yorkshire and I get what you mean. I don't want you to think we're all huffy as well as rude

DTMFA (dump the motherfucker already) I love it!