‘I should have known not to come to Mumsnet’

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

Does anyone else feel like they’re seeing an ever-increasing number of this threads? OP asks ‘AIBU?’ and, if anyone dares say anything other than ‘Of course not, you’re an amazing mum/MIL is a total bitch/your DH is completely unreasonable and needs to learn to appreciate how wonderful you are’ or whatever it is they want to hear, they come back with:

‘I should have known not to come to Mumsnet for support. More fool me! I’m already feeling shit about this and you have all piled on to slate me and tell me what a worthless person I am. Why is MN like this?!’

Then a couple of posts later we get the ‘I am going to step away from this thread now for my own good’, as if this is something that has taken Ghandi-esque levels of inner calm and dignity, rather than clicking a button. Then if anyone responds with anything other than ‘Oh no, poor OP!’, they’re back demanding to know why people are still being so mean, having clearly not ‘stepped away’ at all.

I’m not talking about posters who get a genuinely hard time they don’t deserve. I’m talking about those who wail that they’ve been ‘slated’ or ‘berated’ if anyone says anything that’s less than 100% in agreement with their position. They cry ‘I just wanted some support!’, yet chose to post on an ADVICE forum. And if they all ‘should have known’, why didn’t they? Why the amateur dramatics because AIBU didn’t turn out to be one big group hug?

Yes I agree there's one active at the moment, and tbh the advice is in the main helpful but because it's not what the Op wants to hear ,people are nasty and don't understand, but I was reading a thread in legal.a few weeks ago and there is lawyer ( I think) who regularly posts advice and had posted on one particular thread with the correct legal position, but because it wasn't exactly what the Op wanted to here the lawyer was accused of being unhelpful and unsupported ,as they made the laws up

As though they*

Some posters can be quite nasty and go into attack mode over absolutely nothing. As a PP said, they don't seem to realise/care that they are responding to an actual person.

Yes I agree OP and why I just say what I think now lol.

just get it out :D

Well yes..........but there are far too many thickheaded dickheads on here who like to pile onto people who are often in vulnerable states. All from behind the safety of their keyboards.

It's not a good look really.

Off topic really but after reading a few pp I felt like sharing this, may help other think twice before being harsh in the future.

Back when I first had dd (different user name, I asked MNHQ to deleat all my posts at the time which they did so I wouldn't even be able to pull them back up) I posted so much on the parenting/baby section. What I didn't realise was I was entering a rabbit hole of PND. It was actually picked up from other users after they searched my posing history. I was asking mulitable questions a day, purely because I had no one else to ask irl and I was so scared and anxious, I just needed support.
They're were quite a few genuinely lovely and helpful posters who urged me to seek help as they could see from my posts that something wasn't right (I couldn't see it for myself) but dotted between those I had comments that I was "cruel" (after I posted about giving dd water instead of milk as I was concerned she was constipated) and a few posters pilling in saying SS would take dd away (that thread was in relationships when I was posting to ask for help in my shitty relationship) that particular one spent me on a serious downward spiral, it stopped me from getting the help I desperately needed as I was terrified that the only good thing in my life, the reason I had for living at the time would be taken away should anyone know how bad things were.
I really wish I hadn't posted back then, I should have known better than to do so when I was so fragial but i assumed thats what mumsnet was for?? And non of my questions were on AIBU..
It took me 3 years to come back on here I was so scared of the place haha.
Now, I know no one could have known how I was feeling, well apart from all the posters who recognised my username/posting history but still, just be careful what you're typing ffs!
There's really no need to be harsh or a scaremonger for the sake of it as others have said, you never know what the person on the other side of the screen is dealing with.

Fwiw, I did get help, broke up with shitty ex and moved me and dd to the countryside, I now have a good job, nice house and car.. Me and dd are flourishing and things have never been better!

To anyone else, if you're feeling vulnerable/unwell.. its really best to seek real life support if possible. You have no idea what a couple of harsh comment can do to your wellbeing, I'd never take the risk again.

(Sorry for the essay but after after all that time it was good to finally get that out )

MN is like people from Yorkshire- they pride themselves on their straight talking but to a lot of people they're just plain rude.

TBh Ive felt ike this on a regular basis when I am posting suff that is really sensitive.
Ive learnt that when I have a complex and sensitive situation, trying to put it on paper is impossible. And people read things through their own experience that can be totally irrelevant (eg giving advice on what to do as if I am well when I am actually ill and then telling me Im unreasonnable not be able to do said things ).
Same with a lot of relationhsip issues.

Of you are already down/anxious etc... those posts (which are often quite agreesive - think of fgs why dont you ...) can be extremely hurtful. regardless of whether the OP was 'right' or not. (think there is always a different way of looking at things and there is rarely a full consensus as shown by the voting system).
So yes, I personaly avoid posting on any sensitive subject. MN and esp AIBU is not the right place to get support.

a few posters pilling in saying SS would take dd away (that thread was in relationships when I was posting to ask for help in my shitty relationship) that particular one spent me on a serious downward spiral, it stopped me from getting the help I desperately needed as I was terrified that the only good thing in my life, the reason I had for living at the time would be taken away should anyone know how bad things were.

Obviously I haven’t seen the thread, but perhaps the people who thought you were at risk of having your daughter being taken into care because you were in a damaging relationship thought their warning might be a catalyst to get help, rather than stopping you from doing so?

Perhaps there should be more monitoring of AIBU and movement of threads over to Chat when it becomes clear that the OP actually wants support/reassurance rather than judgement.

Maybe, but I think loads of posters are unnecessarily harsh in their replies. If you don't agree there's no need to swear, or call them batshit, or whatever. People posting have got something on their mind and even if you think those things inwardly, you should shut down their delusions on here respectfully.

As many previously have said it's the keyboard effect; I read once that as a human you have to overcome a strong pull on your conscience, to ignore the face of someone who's in pain or who needs help. We don't see that on these forums and as a result some posters seem to make a sport of piling in with nasty responses.

MN is like people from Yorkshire- they pride themselves on their straight talking but to a lot of people they're just plain rude.

Yes every single person in Yorkshire is like this...

Yeah possibly.
The situation was, ex was a free loading weed smoker, I wanted to leave him but I was scared.
When I didn't reply immediately that I had left him that very day every one came on saying she would be taking away as I was allowing her to be around drugs.. I know they had a point and its why I left him, but it just took some time (a couple more months as I just wasn't strong enough to walk out there and then).. I had written in that post I thought I was getting PND after it was pointed out on here and had explained how vulnerable I was feeling so it wasn't like they were unaware.
But i feel now that because i didnt give them the drama they wanted for their own entertainment, the responses got harsher and harsher until I just had to come off..

Idk.. like I said they had a point in it, it was just so heart breaking to hear.. which is why I wouldn't come to a site like this to ask for help like that again.. not if I was feeling like that away. Lesson learnt I guess

I had to step away from TTC/Infertility threads for my own good, even though the women were lovely and supportive. Sometimes you genuinely do need to step away because it's hurting you/reinforcing the hurt you aready feel and it's nothing to do with previous posters. I think I even said this and they were lovely, although I didn't go back to read all replies.

I sometimes wonder why people post on AIBU when what they actually need is emotional support. I've noticed threads where the OP seems to get more and more upset as their choices (including things it's too late to change- "Why on earth did you have children with...? etc) are attacked and judged- almost as though some people gain a degree of enjoyment from doing so.
Having said that there seems to be fantastic support here for people who are in abusive relationships and are trying to gather the strength to confront their situation or leave.

If they know what AIBU is like, I really don't understand why they bother posting there. Yes, there's more traffic, but also more hash posters.

Perhaps there should be more monitoring of AIBU and movement of threads over to Chat

Agreed - over to chat or to any of the many other more appropriate boards. But Mumsnet will never do that for fear of diluting its most powerful magnet to the site. They must know how much of their traffic is thanks to AIBU.

Ffs *harsh

You find that a lot on threads @Withnailandeye. Posters love the drama it's like a soap.opera to them , and You get a lot of " Just checking in" or " How are you Op I have been worried about you " etc a lot of the time it's for the gossip ,also it's not that easy just to leave someone ,most people have to think about finances ,where they will go but posters forget that.

@Withnailandaye really brave of you to post your experience, im sorry you had to go through that but you sound like you've come through the other side and are much stronger for it. I hope your post will make people think twice before posting extreme replies to people who are clearly struggling.

The LTB posts are really unhelpful even when they are probably right. I often wonder if people would be so quick to uproot their own lives in the way they expect strangers to. You're quite right as well, a lot of people enjoy the drama and find entertainment in it. Terrible really. By all means offer advice and support but when it turns into nastiness it's so awful to read.

I always say people of a weak mind should not post on forums and social media. It's so impersonal, ill-informed and judgemental, you gotta be able to take it with a pinch of salt. Validation from a bunch of strangers seems to be a powerful thing.

Some people take huge personal offence bout very minor things and love a good flounce. For some reason they think everyone else on the internet gives a shit

I think the LTB posts can be great. A decade ago, when I was with my very unpleasant exH, I used to post in distress on a US website, where the acronym was DTMFA (dump the motherfucker already). The first time I saw that was such a revelation - I was amazed that it was so obvious and common that there was an acronym for it. It made it seem possible for the first time.

That said, I agree that it doesn't mean that you instantaneously come to the fact that you are being abused. WA didn't berate me about not leaving immediately. It took a few months to get my head around it and get a place in a refuge. It's not helpful when what should be support becomes just another source of pressure.

Oh dear, all these people failing to get the point of what I said and getting testy.

So, put more simply - one person's straight talking is another person's rude. (And I didn't said that people from Yorkshire were stupid, Sounds. Read again what I wrote.)

(there was a survey done a while back on the rudest regions in England - London was top (unsurprisingly, and I say that as Londoner who can appreciate that plenty of people find us rude and unfriendly without getting up in arms about that). Second was Yorkshire.)

Sometimes posters can’t or don’t want to hear the truth.

However, there’s a lot of bullying on AIBU. Posters take out all their aggro on the OP.