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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel worse after weight loss?

67 replies

SkinThing · 03/07/2019 07:50

7 years ago I was obese and unfit - I had always been a chubby kid, then overweight teenager, then obese adult.

I spent 18 months changing my whole lifestyle and I steadily lost 6 stone, and I improved my fitness so much. I run and hike now, I love exercise.

I always thought the confidence would come. But after 5 years being a size 10-12, it never has.

I have such an awful body still. My legs are short and cellulitey so I cannot wear shorts, and I was apple shaped so a lot of the weight was around my middle - so now the overhanging skin is disgusting. It's wrinkled, saggy and very ugly. My DH, who I was with prior to weight loss, says I was beautiful before and I'm still beautiful and he wouldn't ever, ever support surgery (I have mentioned I'd like a tummy tuck). He's adamant he doesn't want me to go through surgery (I'm not great with general anesthetic).

In tighter fitting tops I look pregnant.

AIBU to feel just as bad and ashamed about my body as I did before? Actually it's worse, I have no hope of looking better.

I know I'm healthier and I try and focus on that but I hate my body so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
SkinThing · 03/07/2019 09:03

:(

OP posts:
user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 09:16

Well done on your weight loss. Have you thought about general health in terms of getting enough nutrients, proteins and veggies etc and also maybe toning like pilates? Maybe it is hitting home that confidence comes from within not just what you look like.

tearinmybeer · 03/07/2019 09:27

Congratulations on your weight loss! You're not being unreasonable, but may I make a suggestion? Could you write down a list of all the positives of your weight loss- your new love of exercise, energy, ability to do things you couldn't previously, what you've learned, etc?

Of course this won't just "fix" how you're feeling, but maybe shifting the focus might be helpful for you.

I say this as someone who has lived, word for word, what you've posted- and my weight loss was 15 years ago (and not easy to maintain!) Some days are better than others, but I know I've done so much for my health, and have had life experiences I might not have had I remained obese.

user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 09:28

Also quite a few of us have saggy tummies etc after pregnancy and babies etc, you're not alone! It's nice your DH is caring

isthatapugunicorn · 03/07/2019 09:33

Well done on getting healthier - you have literally extended your life span, you know that?
As for a tummy tuck - if you want it then you should do it. Ignore your DH, he's not the one dealing with overhang...

b0bb1n · 03/07/2019 09:34

You are an amazing person to lose all that weight, and in such a short time! I'm serious, I couldn't do it, I don't think many people could. I agree with the above to focus on the positives, and your DH doesn't want you to 'fix' what you see as problem areas - we tend to be our own worst critics so maybe you look a lot better than you think. The main thing though is how the weight loss has affected your health for the better, your heart is now so much healthier as you not only weigh less but enjoy exercise now. I know I'm blathering but please don't be sad :( You've accomplished something amazing and I think you should go easier on yourself :) x

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 03/07/2019 09:37

Maybe have a browse of the myfitnesspal forum (community.myfitnesspal.com/en/categories). There are people there who have had issues with loose skin and have helped it with weight lifting or surgery and could offer advice.

I have to say, I don't think it's your DH's decision to make. It's great that he loves you as you are (and so he should!) but if you're unhappy and you actually WANT surgery, he should support you.

sadkoala · 03/07/2019 09:40

First of all maybe you really don't look as bad as you think. We tend to be over critical of ourselves.

Secondly , congrats on the weight loss! It's an amazing achievement!

Thirdly it's lovely you have got such a caring and great DH who loves you and finds you attractive for who you are.

However if you feel like a tummy tuck/skin removal might be what you need the decision is up to you, not DH or strangers on the Internet.
You would need to very carefully weigh up all the pros and cons as any surgery carries a risk and decide what is and isn't worth it.

Original poster
SkinThing · 03/07/2019 09:55

Thank you so much for the kind words. I know I should focus on the many, many positives and it's shallow to focus on the saggy skin but there hasn't been a day when I don't think about it.

I'm considering losing another stone even though I'm a healthy weight now just to try and see if that helps me feel better.

I would love a tummy tuck - I have savings too. My DH would absolutely not support that whatsoever. He says my tummy is part of me. He's researched it and people have died from the complications so I understand his feelings.

OP posts:
BIWI · 03/07/2019 10:00

Have you considered a type of exercise that will tone your stomach muscles, like pilates or yoga? (Although I'm sure running will very much be helping here!)

But otherwise, if I were in your position, I'd go and have a chat to my GP about it, and find out what the medical verdict is. I'm sure your DH has the best of intentions, but he could be scaremongering here.

If it's impacting you so that you're focusing on it every day, I think it's time to take some professional advice.

BIWI · 03/07/2019 10:01

... btw, forgot to say - really well done on the weight loss in the first place. Above all this makes you much healthier Flowers

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 03/07/2019 10:05

op I have managed to get down to a size 12 recently not by running, but by doing press-ups in the morning and sit-ups in the evening - one extra of each per day. It has really changed the shape of my abdomen; admittedly I don't like the fatty bit which clings to the middle but the sides look amazing!

Maybe something to try? Plus it's free, and easy.....

Pineappleunder · 03/07/2019 10:09

If you want a tummy tuck and can afford it then go for it.
You just need to be highly aware that it is unlikely to solve your issues with not liking your body. That needs to come from within.

DerelictWreck · 03/07/2019 10:14

I would love a tummy tuck - I have savings too. My DH would absolutely not support that whatsoever.

It's not up to him.

People have died in car accidents. Does he not let you drive either?

OliviaBenson · 03/07/2019 10:19

I lots a lot of weight a few years back and like you once I'd done it I still felt rubbish.

I think part of it was low self esteem but me thinking that it was all tied up in me being fat and thin would = happy!

You need to work on your self esteem. It sounds like you have a really lovely husband there that loves you for you. I'd wager that even if you had a tummy tuck, you'd find something else to be unhappy about.

It's taken me a while to readjust and work on other issues that affected my self esteem.

Try to be kind to yourself and look at other stuff which you can now address.

Ihatehashtags · 03/07/2019 10:25

I think your DH should support you if you want a tummy tuck. Please be aware it’s one of the most painful operations you can have with a very long recovery time. I had one and don’t regret it one bit. You’ll need a lot of support though because you can’t do much for quite a while

user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 10:30

I can't see an op on excess skin being that risky. I have had varicose vein surgery which needed an anaesthetic and it was life changing. Don't let his anxieties put you off, discuss the op with a surgeon perhaps.

NannyRed · 03/07/2019 10:33

Congratulations on that huge weight loss, you’ve done brilliantly.

I’m a little overweight, I want to lose 2stone, so I appreciate just how hard you’ve worked.

Enjoy the positives your weight loss brings, you have more energy, you enjoy running and you’ve lengthened your life expectancy. Your husband loves you regardless of your baggy belly and that’s real love.

Could you try some good foundation underwear? I remember Gok Wan always stressed just how important a well fitted bra and Bridget Jones style suck you all in big pants were.

I recommend shapermint.com/ for smoothing out your silhouette.

florriepeck · 03/07/2019 10:34

DH being against a tummy tuck could be due to ignorance or feeling threatened ( thinking that you will appear more attractive).

WhiteDust · 03/07/2019 10:48

I found the same OP. My body shrunk but the proportions were the same. Still couldn't wear strappy tops/shorts or jeans.

Reith · 03/07/2019 10:53

All of the sit-ups and yoga in the world is not going to shift excess skin.

OP why don't you look in to the surgery and just gather some facts?

HennyPennyHorror · 03/07/2019 10:55

I've never been overweight but I still can't wear shorts OP! Not all slim people have great legs you know!

You've done amazingly but need to adjust to your new figure.

You should look into the surgery for your skin though...that's just a symptom of what was.

FinnBalorsAbs · 03/07/2019 10:56

I can relate to your post so much. I've lost six and a half stone and when I look in the mirror all I see is imperfections - bingo wings on the bottom of my arms (even though there are now muscles on the top from the regular exercise), saggy, squidgy tummy, cellulitey thighs.

I don't have anything clever or helpful to say, just that you're not alone. Maybe it takes time for brains to catch up with body changes? (I hope so!).

FinnBalorsAbs · 03/07/2019 10:57

Also, to add... when I was 18 stone plus I wasn't this self critical - rationally I know it's like a form of self sabotage, I just don't know how to improve it!

ManyBoysMum · 03/07/2019 11:01

Have you had all your children yet OP?

As I would wait if not - I would think a tummy tuck might be wasted if you then went on to get pregnant.

Just a thought.

Congrats on being a healthy weight