Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To feel worse after weight loss?

67 replies

SkinThing · 03/07/2019 07:50

7 years ago I was obese and unfit - I had always been a chubby kid, then overweight teenager, then obese adult.

I spent 18 months changing my whole lifestyle and I steadily lost 6 stone, and I improved my fitness so much. I run and hike now, I love exercise.

I always thought the confidence would come. But after 5 years being a size 10-12, it never has.

I have such an awful body still. My legs are short and cellulitey so I cannot wear shorts, and I was apple shaped so a lot of the weight was around my middle - so now the overhanging skin is disgusting. It's wrinkled, saggy and very ugly. My DH, who I was with prior to weight loss, says I was beautiful before and I'm still beautiful and he wouldn't ever, ever support surgery (I have mentioned I'd like a tummy tuck). He's adamant he doesn't want me to go through surgery (I'm not great with general anesthetic).

In tighter fitting tops I look pregnant.

AIBU to feel just as bad and ashamed about my body as I did before? Actually it's worse, I have no hope of looking better.

I know I'm healthier and I try and focus on that but I hate my body so much.

OP posts:

brummiesue · 03/07/2019 17:58

You will not get rid of the excess skin caused by a large weight loss by exercising. If it is causing you that much distress please go and see someone about surgery. Your DH will just have to accept it, its your body - not his.

florriepeck · 03/07/2019 18:00

Will be trying the flaxseed thing.

Beau321 · 03/07/2019 18:58

Christ you have had a tough time. I am really sad and really sorry to hear what you have been through its beyond words. Stay strong. See your GP and demand to have a tummy tuck you deserve to be happy.

Original poster

SkinThing · 03/07/2019 19:43

That's really kind, I feel lots of people have gone through far worse, I'm sure I must seem shallow.

I just bought it up with DH and he point blank refuses to discuss it.

I would self fund if I decided to go ahead (DH would have to lump it), I wouldn't want to put a strain on the NHS and I have some savings luckily.

I'm going to take all the advice about getting a hair cut, moisturising, flaxseed, tyle advice, making a positive list, more yoga (I do some already) and look into doing weights to tone up. Though I think it's mostly skin it could help?

I'm going to try and get down another stone as well and see if that helps reduce it at all. My BMI is 23 so I'm no means underweight.

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 03/07/2019 19:47

Congratulations on your weight loss.

Have you had counselling? If not, that might be good. Cheaper and much less risky than skin removal/tummy tuck. Ultimately, while it’s understandable that your DH is concerned about the risks, it’s your body and solely your choice.

user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 19:53

I'm a bit concerned about you trying to lose more weight as you are Ok as you are. careful as eating disorders can start like that (trying to get thinner and thinner to be happy / perfect). Also, I too have an overhang and a hot cross bun type massive scarring on tummy from abdominal surgery. It looks horrible, but I missed having a stoma which I am grateful for. i try and think of what I went through and survived, which helps a bit.

Thequaffle · 03/07/2019 19:54

I have to add, I know your DH is worried about the risks, but I also know the mental pain of having the skin overhang be the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing you think of at night - it’s pure torture. There are risks, yes, but risk of death is very small, other risks can be managed down by making sure you dont smoke or drink and are super healthy in the months before. Yes it’s very sore after but it’s totally manageable. Go for it, he will see how much happier you are afterwards. If he refuses to discuss it then go ahead and start planning it without him. Xxx

Tallgreenbottle · 03/07/2019 19:58

In all honesty OP, the tummy tuck is not his decision. If you want it, go for it.

User7429001 · 03/07/2019 20:00

Congratulations on your weight loss your amazing. ! maybe you need help to see that and see your great achievement and accept it.Try using your wellbeing service usually run by the local mental health service in my area it is called positive steps,you can self refer. I used them and it ready helped me order my negative thinking which I was beating myself with. Good luck

Battytwatty · 03/07/2019 20:39

Are you sure your DHs reasons are genuine? It seems like , to me, that he’s feeling threatened by your weight loss.
He must know how miserable this overhang is making you. I say go for the surgery. I’ve been toying with the idea of a boob job for s couple of years now. I hate my saggy , stretchmark covered breasts

Original poster

SkinThing · 03/07/2019 20:50

Thanks again for the kind posts, I was worried about being flamed a little.

As for DH - honestly he's not got a bad bone in his body and wouldn't resent me at all looking better. He's my biggest supporter.

His fears are based on a routine op I had when I lost the weight (gallbladder removal) it was supposed to last 40 minutes but I was in surgery for over 4 hours after complications. As well as that, I reacted terribly coming around and was quite poorly.

He was told there were complications around hour 2 and he was terrified/convinced I was going to die. So I completely understand why he's so against an opted-for operation, when there are risks and complications.

I wish I could flick a switch I my head to feel confident and attractive.

OP posts:

Waveysnail · 03/07/2019 21:11

How old are you op and how many children have you had?

Advisemeplease1 · 03/07/2019 21:16

@SkinThing, I'm in a similar position with respect to loose skin. I've lost 41kgs, it was 54kg, but the skin was so sore and painful, and I felt I looked so awful that I've put 13kg back on so it doesn't hurt as much.
I kinda feel ok in clothes, but I hate seeing myself uncovered. All I can see is the saggy skin and I hate it. Then I hate myself for being so shallow.

I'm luckier than you in that my oh would support surgery, but I feel so guilty due to the risks, and for spending money on something so vain and just for me, rather than the family.

I feel I should be setting my DC a better example, and I worry that if something goes wrong, how will my DC feel knowing I put myself and my vanity above them.

I know it's not just vanity deep down; it would also benefit my mental health, and I'd feel more confident to go swimming, etc, with the dc, which I won't do at all atm, so in a way it would benefit them too because they'd get their fun mum back.

I decided to pay for a private consultation to talk it through with a surgeon that specialised in removing xs skin after weightloss.
I actually found it really helpful, and it cemented what I wanted to do. There was no pressure at all, and they were really helpful, informative and kind.

I've actually just been given a proposed surgery date and will be having a 2nd consultation soon to discuss more details.

I'd suggest looking into it, finding out the risks/benefits for yourself, maybe even meeting someone to discuss things. At the end of the day, you have one life, so if this helps you feel better about yourself, I say go for it.

Advisemeplease1 · 03/07/2019 21:17

Forgot to add, congrats on your weightloss

pandarific · 03/07/2019 21:41

Has anyone mentioned Dermaroller or microneedling to you yet @SkinThing? It's probably one of the only ways to improve excess skin as it actually grows new collagen - it's non invasive, and as you have savings you can pay for them professional treatments which are pretty reasonable actually. Otherwise a lot of people use an at-home microneedling roller but for you I'd say have a look at some befores and afters at clinics near you.

BIWI · 04/07/2019 17:03

FFS @Waveysnail RTFT

Quartz2208 · 04/07/2019 17:14

It could be linked to past trauma, I was sexually assulted as a child and the man that did it commented on my 'little bit of a tummy'.

I think its this to be honest - I suspect even with the surgery you may not feel any better. BMI of 23 is a healthy weight but your mind and though process needs to follow that

I would definitely do weights and toning (yoga is not the exercise to help here). I would caution against losing weight as that is (and I speak through experience) a slippery road to an eating disorder

If you do get surgery do it properly with your past experiences you do need to weigh up the risks and have them explained to you

Flip

1 2 3