To feel worse after weight loss?

[SkinThing]

7 years ago I was obese and unfit - I had always been a chubby kid, then overweight teenager, then obese adult.

I spent 18 months changing my whole lifestyle and I steadily lost 6 stone, and I improved my fitness so much. I run and hike now, I love exercise.

I always thought the confidence would come. But after 5 years being a size 10-12, it never has.

I have such an awful body still. My legs are short and cellulitey so I cannot wear shorts, and I was apple shaped so a lot of the weight was around my middle - so now the overhanging skin is disgusting. It's wrinkled, saggy and very ugly. My DH, who I was with prior to weight loss, says I was beautiful before and I'm still beautiful and he wouldn't ever, ever support surgery (I have mentioned I'd like a tummy tuck). He's adamant he doesn't want me to go through surgery (I'm not great with general anesthetic).

In tighter fitting tops I look pregnant.

AIBU to feel just as bad and ashamed about my body as I did before? Actually it's worse, I have no hope of looking better.

I know I'm healthier and I try and focus on that but I hate my body so much.

Changing your body doesn't change your mind.

You've changed your body significantly already, and now I think you would be much better off focusing on changing your mind, rather than making further changes to your body. I'd look into counselling, mindfulness or even a life coach.

I would love a tummy tuck - I have savings too. My DH would absolutely not support that whatsoever. He says my tummy is part of me. He's researched it and people have died from the complications so I understand his feelings.

Your body, your decision. End of.

Congratulations on your weight loss - 6 stones is incredible!

WRT the tummy tuck - I had one a couple of years ago, after having recti following three massive babies. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made. I understand your husband's concerns but the risks are extremely low, and as a PP mentioned, the risks of a car crash are higher. Also - and perhaps more importantly - this is your decision to make.

Please be aware it’s one of the most painful operations you can have with a very long recovery time.

Respectfully, that was your experience and may not be the same for OP. I was on painkillers for maybe 5 days (OTC after the first day); walking around after 3 days and back at work within three weeks (office based).

You don’t say if you have dc? If I had dc I wouldn’t have unnecessary surgery especially as I you say you don’t react well to general anaesthetic and you’d be risking leaving dc without a mother for what? A nicer tummy. If however I was child free and had the money I’d consider it but then if your planning on having dc it might be a waste of a tummy tuck now.

Your much healthier now and everyone has body hang ups, no matter what size or shape they are. EVERYONE has something that bothers them be it the tummy, the nose they have or on. Have the tummy tuck but your just find another body hang up, because everyone has one.

Of course you can wear shorts! Nobody is going to care, most people you walk past on a daily basic are so wrapped up in where they are going they aren’t even going to notice you.

I think you do just have to get to a point and accept what you are.....

You don’t need your husband’s support to make changes to your body.

OP can I suggest maybe joining some of the bariatric surgery groups on facebook.....there will be lots of people on there who have lost massive weights and are at this stage of considering surgery and thinking of the pros and cons.

When you lose stones and stones of weight (9 for me) then it isn't really isn't a matter of toning, tbh, the excess skin does not tone up, it just hangs. There are also issues of self image, self esteem, loving yourself etc, but the excess skin is a physical issue which is not just psychological. Its not just having a 'mummy tummy' etc.

I have young DC and for me I have to weigh up the surgery, which would massively increase the quality of my life, against the risks and costs of surgery, which would potentially impact my dc's. I have decided to not have surgery for another year to see if I can reconcile living with my skin without surgery....If you are going into it with your eyes open and fully thinking of the consequences it isn't an easy decision either way

Well done on your weight loss. You have given yourself the gift of health. I think these Instagram and filters are to be blamed for selling idea of perfect bodies. Most woman have normal bodies and maintaining healthy weight is more for general health. I think if you are not good with GA, think long and hard before any surgery.

To answer - sadly no, I'm unable to have children. :(

Honestly, if I didn't have dc's and this bothered me everyday, i'd go for it

Part of me thinks 'fuck society and transforming myself into a man's image of what I should look like'

But then I hate feeling the apron of skin against my thighs when I'm sat down. I hate how it moves when I run. I hate how chubby it makes me still look. I hate never being able to feel nice in a dress or even jeans and a t shirt.

Trousers have to be high waisted (which then gives me a pregnant paunch) and tops have to be loose which makes me appear bigger.

I know it's shallow. I hate that I hate it. I've spent 5 years trying to accept it.

But I think PP are right, it may just pass to another body part if I did get a tummy tuck. My boobs are disgusting: fat and saggy going from 42E to 32D.

Honestly, I had more body confidence when I was obese.

Sorry for ranting, and thank you for those that understand and for the advice.

I'm normally against cosmetic surgery but it seems like here it would make a big difference to your life. You've kept the weight off and you've already tried to get used to it. It's your body, it's not your dh's decision.

It's not shallow at all. We're all judged by our appearance. Totally get why it's getting you down.

If, as PP have said, it's 'only' excess skin - which means that toning/exercise won't help - then I'd definitely go and talk to your GP and ask their advice.

I think this is quite a normal reaction. I was a chubby kid/yo-yo weight as a teen, then overweight for periods of adulthood. My body skin is NOT great, but there are things you can do to help, even after many years:

• Dermarolling has reduced the old stretch marks on my legs and stomach by 50% and tightened some of my skin. I've started wearing shorts again after 10+ years (big deal for me, so I get it!!). I've been rolling for about 7-8 months now.
• Moisturise your entire body daily - St. Ives and Nivea do cheap, decent ones.
• Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred tones me up like nothing else. I try to do a few times a year, then move onto more fun exercises.
• 100% cotton tees seem to hide my stomach really well while still being somewhat fitted.
• This might sound weird, but sometimes loose tanks look better on bingo wings than a tight tee. They aren't constricted so no tightly packed sausage look. Give it a try.
• Invest in quality clothing, great haircut, good skincare, whatever beauty stuff you like. It helps me hugely with the confidence.

@SkinThing I can relate Totally. This time last year I was 15st and now I'm 9st 3, so that's almost 6st off.

But it's 6 stone off my ass/boobs too. I kind of liked my ample big bum and boobs - now both are saggy and baggy as f**k!
I have the whole apron tummy going on (weirdly and annoyingly only on the right side!) I also have jiggly arms where the fat has melted away and now there's just skin.
My DCs insist on jiggling it, which doesn't help!

I also know that my DH prefers larger women but I was sick of busting out of my size 16/18 clothing and my PCOS was waaaay out of control with the extra weight. For the first time since starting my period at 14, I have a clock work 28 day cycle

Could some pully in pants help? I had a good pair a few years ago and I felt fab in them. You should be proud of how much you've lost

I know how you feel OP. Whenever I lose weight I look more pear shaped as I lose on my tummy, boobs and hips but not my thighs, and I don't have as much of an hourglass shape because my small waist isn't as noticeable. I undoubtedly look better at a lower weight but it's hard not to then see the 'problem areas' more. Toning does help though. 4 years ago I believe I had an eating disorder, I went from 12 to 9st (5ft7) but all I could see was fat everywhere so I kept starving myself until I gave in and binged. Whereas the second time I lost weight, last year I only went from 12st7 to 11st but I lifted heavy weights, ate a lot more veg and protein and felt much better about my body. I also finally got pregnant after having messed my periods up after the previous 'diet', and as soon as I can go back to the gym after giving birth I will, because I know now becoming strong and toned does much more for my self esteem than the big losses I can get from dieting.

OP, you sound so down when you have achieved so much.

Two things strike me. Firstly, that weight loss will not cure distorted self worth/image/esteem. It is far easier to fixate on our ours assistance than accept the battle is inside our head. So no amount of surgery can fix that without you working on yourself first.

Secondly, have you ever had any styling done? I have am online Styled by Susie session a free years ago. Not only did she say lovely things and pointed stuff out I never saw, but the advice she gave over colours and styles had taken years and inches away. They are about £50/60, a whole lot cheaper and less painful than surgery. You can get similar no doubt elsewhere or even in Adobe department stores.

After that if you decide to pursue surgery it will still help you feel better in what you wear.

Congrats, you have achieved a good thing, please don't forget that

I didn't RTFT and see your posts about the surgery. I think this is your DH's decision, though I understand his concerns. If you are sure you want this it is not up to him. But as you and others say, the insecurity may just transfer. Maybe you can speak to someone and try and get to the root of the problem before going ahead.

I can totally relate to this - I was exactly the same. I lost weight and still couldn’t enjoy it by wearing what I wanted or going on beach holidays with friends because I felt I was “hiding a secret” - my loose skin. I had a tummy tuck 6 months ago and it has been the most wonderful decision of my life. Still have some wobbly bits but I feel so confident in clothes and am overhauling my wardrobe. I finally feel like the real me.

If you want a tummy tuck get a tummy tuck. Fuck it, life is too short.
My friend got one and feels so much better. Hers was on the NHS. She kept getting very red raw sore in her overhang and got a couple of infections which her GP said impeded her new healthy lifestyle.
It's your decision not your DHs, although it is a big one to make.
And cellulite is not a flaw, it's just how the female body stores fat. I'm a size 8 have it a bit despite exercise.

If you want a tummy tuck get one if you are genuinely unhappy.Life is too short.Im getting my breasts done as theyve changes so much since ds was born 5 years ago.

I've been fat my whole adult life apart from two year long period where I succeeded at SW and lost a third of my body weight. I still felt mentally awful and after a while I thought what's the point, I don't feel any better, gave up and gained all the weight back again. Now I'm huge and depressed, and wish I was still thin and depressed!! Try and focus on the positives if there is nothing you can do to mend the negatives. You have done so well.

Congratulations on such an achievement. I have struggled with body confidence and lack of confidence in general all my life.I have never worn shorts or a vest top as I hated my body so much. I still hate summer clothes, and relish when Cashmere jumpers are back in the shops so I can cover up again! I am in Peri menopause and despite eating the same healthy diet with little alcohol my body shape has just changed which I struggled with, it really put me at a real low point in my life. The turning point was I found a dodgy lump/ are of skin on my chest. Fortunately the results were clear but it really put my life in focus. We are not here long and I dont want to waste any more time worrying about my body. Its honestly really liberating. I guess you need to fix the inside before we fix the outside.

You can get rid of the appearance of cellulite really easily. A tablespoon of ground flaxseed a day on top of yoghurt or smoothies or whatever boosts collagen and within a week the cellulite look goes, it comes back fairly swiftly if you stop though.

Ground flaxseed costs about £1.80 for a bag in any supermarket.

@Beau321 I'm really glad your results were clear, and you're right it should be kept in perspective.

I'm pissed off with myself that I can't get over it and just enjoy my healthier self. I've tried so hard to focus on everything positive.

I just despise this overhang. Then I think maybe it's not skin, it's fat, and I'm still obese. I've never felt like celebrating the weight I did lose.

It could be linked to past trauma, I was sexually assulted as a child and the man that did it commented on my 'little bit of a tummy'.

I've had lots of counselling as an adult and moved on with my life, but it's THIS comment I think of every day when I look at or feel my saggy stomach.