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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH does this really annoying thing ...

89 replies

Anoying22 · 02/07/2019 22:16

He gets ready for bed, comes down in his pants and says goodnight. I say ok, love you, goodnight, I'll be up soon etc.. we exchange a kiss and off he goes. I then settle down to watch the news or finish whatever I was doing, usually with a nice glass of wine quite enjoying 5 mins to myself!! He then returns and just stands there, in front of the TV in his pants. I have no idea why but it drives me crazy!!! I just think, 'well go then!!!' - we've said goodnight, had a kiss etc... So why doesn't he go!!! But he just stands there. Eventually he'll go upstairs but then he comes down about a minute later, again just standing around in his pants. I know he's not doing anything wrong but it drives me nuts!!! Surely he should either be up or down!! - if he wanted to stay and watch TV, couldnt he just come and sit down? Why just stand there, back to me, staring at the TV which he's not even watching! He's just hovering ...grrrr!!! It's just sooooo irritating and I can't relax!!!!

I know I am being VERY unreasonable and irrational!! But this is my absolute pet hate!! :) And it's EVERY night recently!!!

OP posts:
RightOnTheEdge · 02/07/2019 23:11

Lay like broccoli is a Pretty Woman quote, Grin
Him.."Veg out?"
Her.."Yeah lay like broccoli"

Or something like that anyway.

Cheeserton · 02/07/2019 23:15

So what actually is the reason why you don't just ask why?

abitfedup · 02/07/2019 23:20

@Anoying22

You need separate bedrooms, so you can 'retire' to YOUR room, and get some 'me' time. If you are relishing 5 minutes peace to yourself, away from him, then you are spending too much time together.

His behaviour sounds irritating and odd. I would HAVE to say 'what the FUCK are you doing?'

Some men DO have a habit of following the wife around, and mooching about after her, and they cannot seem to be alone. Mine is like this sometimes. I love my me-time, but DH finds it very difficult to be alone.

We have separate bedrooms though thank God, so I can get my me-time, watch netflix in there, and read a magazine, AWAY from him. I enjoy his company sometimes, but he can be too full-on. I know a few women with men like this; just very clingy.

@VivienneHolt

YANBU, My husband does something similar where he comes and hovers in my dressing room in the morning when I am doing my makeup. He doesn’t necessarily have anything to say, he’s just there. I don’t know why but it annoys me too!

My DH does this sometimes too. It got to the point where I was getting so annoyed by it, that I decided to take my make up kit-bag into the bathroom and do it there. He HAS to come in the kitchen when I am doing it, and just stands there at the side of me, not saying much, and just watching me. It's off-the-scale annoying!

Fascinating to hear that someone else has a husband who does it too! Weird!!!!!!!!

flyingspaghettimonster · 02/07/2019 23:21

He definitely wants you to go to bed too. My husband and I always go to bed at the same time. It means we can have a snuggle or talk a bit about the day before we sleep. If we didn't do that we would be less close. Maybe try joining him and see if that improves things. Or set some days aside for being left alone to drink downstairs, but sone days join him.

TheGrapefulDread · 02/07/2019 23:24

I'd ask him "are those pants see through?" ... and my Husband would say “ no but I know where I can get some - remember that Mumsnet post you showed me ‘cos you got inappropriate giggle fits ? “

RedDogsBeg · 02/07/2019 23:25

Annoying22 The lay like broccoli is like others have said a quote from Pretty Woman.

T-rexing is reference to a thread on here (in Classics I think) where a poster was ranting about her husband T-rexing in the supermarket, i.e., holding their arms the way a T-Rex does.

Helicoptering - requires full nakedness and then a sort of hip wiggle/shimmy so the penis waggles round and round like the blades of a helicopter.

pigsDOfly · 02/07/2019 23:28

This is one of the oddest threads I've read on here.

Your DH is doing the same thing night after night, it's annoying you but instead of asking him why he does it you come on here and complain.

I'm guessing he would like you to go up to bed when he does but doesn't like to ask, because clearly you don't talk to each other about such things.

My exh never ever came to bed at the same time as I did and trust me, it can feel very lonely being the one lying in bed on your own knowing that the person downstairs would rather stay down there alone than come upstairs and spend time in your company.

Anarchyshake · 02/07/2019 23:29

I pop back in and out til my OH comes to bed with me. I like our snuggle time before sleep.

@Whathappenedtooursummer you mean with his penis? The night before last I did it with my boobs (the shame, but they naturally grew in pendulums, so I gave it a go - I do not recommend this though, despite it making OH laugh)

abitfedup · 02/07/2019 23:29

@flyingspaghettimonster

My husband and I always go to bed at the same time. It means we can have a snuggle or talk a bit about the day before we sleep. If we didn't do that we would be less close.

Really? Why? Confused Can you not 'talk about the day' at any other time than when you have got into bed?

abitfedup · 02/07/2019 23:33

@pigsDOfly

My exh never ever came to bed at the same time as I did and trust me, it can feel very lonely being the one lying in bed on your own knowing that the person downstairs would rather stay down there alone than come upstairs and spend time in your company.

I find this one of the oddest posts on here.

Surely you are not always tired at the same time?? Why do you need to go to bed together? Confused

Why do you feel lonely when you are just going to sleep? (Most people rarely shag just before bed, and do it earlier in the evening, or morning, or afternoon.)

Why do you have to wait to go to bed, to talk?

Batshit.

S1naidSucks · 02/07/2019 23:33

That would irritate the fuck out of me. I don’t care how sweet some posters say it is, to me it’s low level control. “I’m going to bed, therefore you need to go to bed, even if you don’t want to. My wants override your need for a few minutes peace.” Just stop it! Leave your partner in peace for Christ’s sake!

abitfedup · 02/07/2019 23:35

@S1naidSucks

100% what you said ^

It is low-level control. I am going to bed, therefore you dear wife, shall come too. Fuck off, I have 2 episodes of Killing Eve to catch up on.

Preggosaurus9 · 02/07/2019 23:40

So he's a lovely DH but you cba to do him the decency of an honest conversation and instead you prefer to seethe with resentment which will eventually kill the relationship? YABVVVVVU. Communicate or you'll both be unhappy and then your marriage will be over.

Bluerussian · 02/07/2019 23:47

Tell him you don't like it!

eeela · 02/07/2019 23:47

I do this Grin (although usually in my towel post shower rather than pants!). I always forget something when going to bed; a pen, water, glasses, book, to put the dishwasher on, etc and whenever I walk through the living room I get distracted and end up staring at the TV, even if DP is watching something I have no interest in. It drives DP mental but I don't even realise that I do it until he points it out. I try really hard not to do it now!!

fakeniceperson · 02/07/2019 23:50

Oh dear I'd feel utterly smothered and extremely irritated by this behaviour.

I'd stay up even later just to claw some time and space back for me.

Sorry OP I don't find it endearing or sweet. I'd have to tell him to either stay up or fuck off to bed, I couldn't bear the hovering.

AppleTartlet · 02/07/2019 23:52

it can feel very lonely being the one lying in bed on your own knowing that the person downstairs would rather stay down there alone than come upstairs and spend time in your company

But . . what's companiable about laying awake next to someone who's sleeping? If I'm not tired I would rather be downstairs doing something. So would my husband. Why go to bed if you'd prefer his company a bit longer. And if it's because you're tired then why would you want company? I'm going round in circles.

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 02/07/2019 23:55

Our cat does this - I figure it's because he hates going to bed by himself. He was quite happy to go to bed earlier when our bedroom was off the living space but now it's further away he likes to have company. Cute in a cat Grin

AppleTartlet · 02/07/2019 23:58

It means we can have a snuggle or talk a bit about the day before we sleep

My husband never shuts up from the moment he opens his eyes in the morning.
If he carried on chattering in bed I'd want to smother him.

Bowerbird5 · 03/07/2019 00:03

That would annoy me.

Get a water pistol! Soak his pants. He probably wont do it again.

Decormad38 · 03/07/2019 00:15

I'm with the poster who wants to shoot him with a water pistol. This would annoy me no end. Just say 'get the fuck to bed. You're annoying me'

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 03/07/2019 00:18

OP, please ask him what he's doing and report back!

Goingonagondola · 03/07/2019 00:23

Get a water pistol! Soak his pants. He probably wont do it again.

I'm laughing at the idea of his surprise when she whips a supersoaker out from behind a sofa cushion!

RosaWaiting · 03/07/2019 00:24

It’s his passive way of saying he wants you to go up at the same time.

Would annoy the crap out of me as well.

Butterymuffin · 03/07/2019 00:25

Very obvious he wants to get you to come up. Would you expect him to say he'd like it if you had sex more often?