Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘You have a very mature face for your age’

67 replies

Pinapplejuice · 02/07/2019 19:08

Said to me by the man I’m dating. Known him for a few years but we have only recently reconnected.

When I asked him what he meant, he said some people still look young at my age, but I look very mature. Hmm I am 23, he is nearly 32.

Other strange things he has come out with randomly (which feel like he is trying to put me down) is that although I can drive, I’m not a driver like he is - whatever that even means? I’ve driven longer than him, he doesn’t have have a car anymore.

And the one I actually found rude - I got the highest possible grade for a few university assignments - and he told me ‘it’s good that you can work so hard to get good grades, some people are naturally academically gifted so don’t need such a strong work ethic - I don’t have to revise to do well’ he did no further education beyond a college course, which I don’t think he passed.

I brought up all these things and he pretended to be ignorant and have no idea any of these things were strange or rude. There’s loads more - such as mentioning I have a larger frame than average but it really suits me Confused (I’m UK size 10-12)

So my AIBU is - AIBU to think he knows exactly what he’s doing, and I should get rid of him?

OP posts:
AltasCloud · 02/07/2019 19:10

Fucking get rid!

pilates · 02/07/2019 19:10

Get rid definitely

AltasCloud · 02/07/2019 19:12

You are younger, brighter, better looking and more accomplished than he is.

He's passive aggressively putting you down on all points to make himself look/feel better.

RUN.A.MILE.

honeylulu · 02/07/2019 19:13

Get rid quick. You have yourself a negger (possibly also a narcissist).

OKMorty · 02/07/2019 19:14

Oh God yes, get rid!

Cloudofsparrows · 02/07/2019 19:14

He sounds insecure and like he's trying to knock your confidence and put you down. A decent bloke wouldn't ever speak to you like that. Dump him you don't need that in your life.

Louloulovesyou · 02/07/2019 19:15

He is negging you.....Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval.

PaulinesPenStash · 02/07/2019 19:15

Please Get rid he's a dick head

Insecure cos you're way out of his league in every way so puts you down often, and quite subtly

I've been here x

TheInebriati · 02/07/2019 19:15

He's negging you, I would have laughed in his face.

hazell42 · 02/07/2019 19:15

He definitely knows what he is doing

Negging

I thought that went out years ago.

He wants you to believe that you are lucky to have him, even though he suspects the opposite is true. If he cant force out a 'well done' on you university grades I think I'd dump.hom tbh

Self absorbed twat

Sunshine93 · 02/07/2019 19:16

Get rid. He's doing it deliberately.

Louloulovesyou · 02/07/2019 19:17

Dump him, he does not have your best interests at heart

tierraJ · 02/07/2019 19:17

No just get rid he's nasty.

His comments will eat away at your confidence otherwise.

nicecuppaforme · 02/07/2019 19:17

He is negging you. Get rid.

EKGEMS · 02/07/2019 19:17

He's never read Carnegie's book How to win friends and influence people,has he?!!!

Djchickpea · 02/07/2019 19:17

He's an arsehole. Unfortunately we have to learn to recognise these guys. You just have - get rid and consider it life experience

Notthetoothfairy · 02/07/2019 19:18

This is negging, agree you should get rid.

BogglesGoggles · 02/07/2019 19:18

Firstly, get rid of him.
Secondly, some people still have a bit of a baby face at 23 so maybe that’s what he meant

HollowTalk · 02/07/2019 19:18

You are WAY out of his league and he is trying to make you feel really bad about yourself so that he can feel better about yourself.

So far he's criticised:

  • your figure/weight
  • your face
  • your driving (what the hell was that all about?)
  • your qualifications that you struggled to achieve

What else will he criticise? Don't give him the chance, OP - get rid and don't even bother to tell him why. He'll just make one last ditch attempt to make you feel bad about yourself.

HollowTalk · 02/07/2019 19:19

Sorry I should have said "your qualifications that you struggled to achieve." You did fantastically well - don't let that idiot tell you otherwise.

GreyHairDontCare3 · 02/07/2019 19:19

Before you ditch the twat I'd have to get a few negs in myself

"Gosh for a guy with 3" you really try!"

"For someone only college educated it's cute that you try to engage in academic conversations"

"I like how you really don't care how you sound when you say such silly things"
Grin

PetitTorteois · 02/07/2019 19:22

Why do you even have to ask if this is ok?

Henrysmycat · 02/07/2019 19:23

“Thank you neeeeext” Should be your next line to him.
He’s negging you, whether intentionally or not, he’s on the right path for EA.
Truly academically gifted individuals are very rare, they rest of us work very hard to achieve, uni or otherwise.
Don’t allow anyone to tell you, you’re bad at something without following with constructive criticism or example pointers. “You suck at cleaning because I say so” is not the same as “your cleaning could improve if you didn’t leave dirty dishes in the sink for 5 days straight.”
Man men think they are drivers, only a few are in formula 1.

SummerWhisper · 02/07/2019 19:24

Please stop seeing him with immediate effect. Do not respond when he tries to manipulate you to get back with him. You sound like a good catch. He sounds jealous of you and willing to belittle you in order to crush you and once crushed (you are a few steps on that path already) you won't be able to understand what an absolute pig he is because you will be too wrapped up in your insecurity that he has created for you. He is nothing more than an abusive twat. You will meet somebody amazing. This bloke should be making your skin crawl.

WishUponAStar88 · 02/07/2019 19:26

He’s a twat. Get rid asap you’re worth so much more than this.