Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

‘You have a very mature face for your age’

67 replies

Pinapplejuice · 02/07/2019 19:08

Said to me by the man I’m dating. Known him for a few years but we have only recently reconnected.

When I asked him what he meant, he said some people still look young at my age, but I look very mature. Hmm I am 23, he is nearly 32.

Other strange things he has come out with randomly (which feel like he is trying to put me down) is that although I can drive, I’m not a driver like he is - whatever that even means? I’ve driven longer than him, he doesn’t have have a car anymore.

And the one I actually found rude - I got the highest possible grade for a few university assignments - and he told me ‘it’s good that you can work so hard to get good grades, some people are naturally academically gifted so don’t need such a strong work ethic - I don’t have to revise to do well’ he did no further education beyond a college course, which I don’t think he passed.

I brought up all these things and he pretended to be ignorant and have no idea any of these things were strange or rude. There’s loads more - such as mentioning I have a larger frame than average but it really suits me Confused (I’m UK size 10-12)

So my AIBU is - AIBU to think he knows exactly what he’s doing, and I should get rid of him?

OP posts:
mbosnz · 02/07/2019 19:55

Bin the Bugger.

MamaWeasel · 02/07/2019 19:58

Have my first ever LTB

NoTheresa · 02/07/2019 20:02

What a passive aggressive git. He is jealous of you and your success. Dump.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 02/07/2019 20:05

He's an arsehole.
Probably thinks he can get away with it because you're a lot younger than him.
Definitely drop this twat.

BooseysMom · 02/07/2019 20:11

He's a gopping great hoofwank

Got to say I've never heard that one before. 🤣 MN gold!

Thurmanmurman · 02/07/2019 20:17

Dump him immediately, you can do so much better

MrsSarahSiddons · 02/07/2019 20:20

Oh god he’s just a disaster. Run for the hills.

Beldon · 02/07/2019 20:25

I agree with the get rid quick. It will only get worse. He is slowly trying break your confidence while building himself up to be better. Had it done to me by couple of partners and by the time we were long term relationship it was picking on ever little detail, I hated going out in end as you look nice became ‘you look nice but ...’ it still affects me now as I now self critique about everything.

HappyLoneParentDay · 02/07/2019 21:07

You ok OP? @Pinapplejuice

Pinapplejuice · 02/07/2019 23:05

Thank you for your replies! I have never heard of negging but its spot on. FWIW the comments have only started very gradually - everything was fine, then he made one of the comments which I called out, I though that was the end of it, but more have started creeping in - the last three times I’ve seen him, it feels like there’s constant jabs towards me/put downs.

It has massively put me off - I wasn’t 100% if I was being over sensitive or not, because the insults were wrapped in compliments or a normal conversation Confused.

Definitely going to get rid. Is it worth telling him why?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Pinapplejuice · 02/07/2019 23:08

Oh and re his comments towards my size - when we first met a few years ago, I was actually about 1.5 stones heavier! I have a healthier lifestyle now, and he is actually a bit overweight (doesn’t bother me, but made his comment towards me feel even stranger Hmm )

OP posts:
theWarOnPeace · 02/07/2019 23:10

Ha!

Dick

Pinapplejuice · 02/07/2019 23:11

@GreyHairDontCare3 your comment really made me laugh! Grin

OP posts:
Zofloraqueen27 · 02/07/2019 23:15

Do not ever allow a man - or woman - to talk down to you in this way - EVER. By not addressing his pathetic attempts to undermine you you are colluding with him and giving him permission to behave so very disrespectfully. He knows full well what he is doing.

This man is really insecure. If he felt confident as an adult he would never try to demean you in this way.

Now he knows he can get away with chipping away at your achievements he will not stop until he has you reduced to a shadow of your clever, capable self. Please don’t let this happen. You have so much to offer someone - please ensure it is someone who truly values you for the very special person you are. Never settle for third rate.

KittyWindbag · 02/07/2019 23:16

Personally, I would tell him why. Let him know that you know what he’s doing and you’re not going to put up with it. Let him know that his textbook negging approach ain’t going to cut it in 2019. Women have self worth and don’t need his approval. Then block him and move on.

user1497863568 · 02/07/2019 23:18

Er, are you still interested in him? He sounds like a jerk.

Mirali · 03/07/2019 10:13

Have you dumped him and told him why?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page