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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘You have a very mature face for your age’

67 replies

Pinapplejuice · 02/07/2019 19:08

Said to me by the man I’m dating. Known him for a few years but we have only recently reconnected.

When I asked him what he meant, he said some people still look young at my age, but I look very mature. Hmm I am 23, he is nearly 32.

Other strange things he has come out with randomly (which feel like he is trying to put me down) is that although I can drive, I’m not a driver like he is - whatever that even means? I’ve driven longer than him, he doesn’t have have a car anymore.

And the one I actually found rude - I got the highest possible grade for a few university assignments - and he told me ‘it’s good that you can work so hard to get good grades, some people are naturally academically gifted so don’t need such a strong work ethic - I don’t have to revise to do well’ he did no further education beyond a college course, which I don’t think he passed.

I brought up all these things and he pretended to be ignorant and have no idea any of these things were strange or rude. There’s loads more - such as mentioning I have a larger frame than average but it really suits me Confused (I’m UK size 10-12)

So my AIBU is - AIBU to think he knows exactly what he’s doing, and I should get rid of him?

OP posts:
Unfinishedkitchen · 02/07/2019 19:26

Was about to say he’s negging you and realised I’m about the 20th person to say so. The worrying thing is that it’s starting to work because instead of realising this, laughing in his face and ghosting him you’re on here doubting yourself.

You are smarter, have a car, and are a healthy size. He can’t believe his luck and is insecure so is trying to make you think you’re inferior to him so you’ll stay.

Cinammoncake · 02/07/2019 19:28

Run for the hills. Or be prepared for more of the same like a dripping tap until your self esteem takes a turn for the worse (and beyond)

PicsInRed · 02/07/2019 19:29

I'll bet if he had ever learnt the piano forte he should have been a great proficient. 🤔

🤣

In the bin with him.

womaninthedark · 02/07/2019 19:29

See the back of this twat.

womaninthedark · 02/07/2019 19:29

Him, not me!

donquixotedelamancha · 02/07/2019 19:29

Said to me by the man I’m dating.

Why? Just, why?

SleepingIsOverrated · 02/07/2019 19:32

Oh God OP, run a mile!! Possibly bred from insecurity but what awful things to say!

FancyACarrot · 02/07/2019 19:32

100% get rid

Oblomov19 · 02/07/2019 19:32

What a fucking knob.
I had to work my arse off. To get ONE first class honours mark. In Russian literature. I'm still proud.

Dvg · 02/07/2019 19:32

How have you not realised that hes bringing you down as he is abusive and wants you to rely on him. he is controlling.

Sarcelle · 02/07/2019 19:33

He is a dickhead. Give him the elbow, he will only get worse. He should be showering you with compliments but instead he is chipping away at your confidence.

MegaClutterSlut · 02/07/2019 19:33

If he's like this now imagine what he will come out with a few years down the line and how worthless you will feel. Get rid!

Likeawolf · 02/07/2019 19:34

PicsinRed I just re-read that the other day -- love that you quoted it here! Perfect! Grin

browzingss · 02/07/2019 19:36

Why are you with him, are you dating him because you have no other options? He sounds like knob and I would be put off by all of those comments by now, you don’t have to stay with him

browzingss · 02/07/2019 19:37

Also I’m 23 and wouldn’t date a 32 year old tbh, we would just be in completely different way places in life

sandalsinthebin · 02/07/2019 19:38

Have you binned him yet?

sockatoe · 02/07/2019 19:38

Wow, he's an insecure little poppet isn't he?!! You are younger - you look old. You have a car but he doesn't - you're not a driver. You're at university and better educated - he found it easy so didn't have to work.
Does he struggle with women in general or just you? Sounds like he's trying to assert his alpha male hunter gatherer position. You either need to head out and gather some berries for the poor lamb or find yourself someone who wants an equal.

goose1964 · 02/07/2019 19:39

How rude, as my son would say. He's not worth your time. My ex (emotionally abusive) once said to me "you're only friends with ugly people to make yourself even prettier". My friends were not ugly, and this comment ruined my self esteem for years.

Do you want to end up like that? No? Get rid now

iklboo · 02/07/2019 19:41

He's a gopping great hoofwank. Get rid OP, you deserve to be treated better than this.

ChicCroissant · 02/07/2019 19:44

Don't walk away from this Prince OP, run as fast as you can! Talk about damning with faint praise!

Bellablahhole · 02/07/2019 19:45

Dump him, fast!

ElizabethMountbatten · 02/07/2019 19:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Lllot5 · 02/07/2019 19:50

Yep what everyone else has said he’s negging you. Dump him

Mirali · 02/07/2019 19:53

Urban Dictionary describes this flirting technique best as "low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances."

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