Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Would you go to your graduation if the course you are graduating in impacted on your mental health?

60 replies

Leapoffaith00 · 02/07/2019 14:29

Qualified as a mental health nurse in March. I studied for 2 years to gain a foundation degree and then 3 years to gain a degree in nursing. It was the hardest thing I have ever done whilst bringing up my dc's as a single parent.
I hated every minute of it. I kept going as it was too late to change my mind (mature student). Every placement I would think, this us the ace I will feel some kind of desire to work within it. Never did!!
It's over now! I can't even apply for jobs as it makes me anxious just thinking about it.
I continued with the degree to prove to myself (or was it) that I could complete something. I could over one challenges. Part of me knows I kept going because of ego. Proving I could be something/someone. I had a not do nice childhood where my step father would tell me I wouldn't amount to much, I am lazy, I wasn't allowed to visit home when I left at 17, he made me think I was useless. So I know why I kept going even though working in mental health impacted on my own. Now - I graduate next week. The cap and gown kept me going. But.....I'm not happy. I didn't get a feeling that I thought I would. I feel nothing. I actually feel worse as now I feel shame that I'm not going to use my degree. Do I go? Just for a photo in my cap and gown. What does this really prove? Will I regret it?

OP posts:

Sirzy · 02/07/2019 14:31

I wouldn’t go unless you think going will provide some sort of closure for that part of your life

Loopytiles · 02/07/2019 14:32

Congratulations on completing your degree!

You have the qualification now. Do whatever you feel is best for you with regard to the ceremony.

The main thing now is getting well and finding well paid work that you’re qualified for, and can do and still stay well.

Loopytiles · 02/07/2019 14:33

Perhaps your degree could be used for other things?

CmdrCressidaDuck · 02/07/2019 14:40

Congratulations on finishing your degree, it's a real accomplishment. It's entirely up to you whether you go or not - if you would just feel bad about it don't bother. The ceremony is for you not anyone else.

Moving forward, and I mean this kindly; having persevered despite hating it shows real tenacity and grit, and I hear what you said about proving you were good enough, but was it the best use of your time, once you knew you would never work in the field? Valuing yourself is also about changing course, accepting that we learn by doing and that it's OK to make mistakes and walk away from them.

M3lon · 02/07/2019 14:44

You should do what ever feels right regarding the ceremony.

You appear to be putting a lot of additional meaning on it that isn't really there though.

It won't make any difference if you go or don't. You will simply have either been or not.

TBH none of your emotional responses here make much sense on the surface. You appear to have ended up in a situation where carrying was making you unhappy and stopping would perhaps have been worse. Now you are perpetuating that situation by saying you are too anxious to apply for a job in the area and too ashamed not too.

The route problems here are complex and significant I think....

The most important thing is that you don't have to let the past rule your future.

Please seek some professional support to help you get a control on all this strange misplaced emotion and historic baggage though!!

Original poster

Leapoffaith00 · 02/07/2019 14:51

Thankyou all! I don't want to go or be there, I just feel like I will never jave a photo of me in the cap and gown. I know that sounds like my ego talking. This is what I mean by the reasons for doing it, it's about proving again. I hate feeling that way.
I'm hoping the degree helps but it doesn't open many doors, only ones still in the same area. I need to be totally away from it. It's like a phobia now. I'm not sure what to do. Everything is minimum wage which worries me.
I know I should have been kind to myself and stopped when I felt I should have. My mum put pressure on me and I felt I'd let my dc's down. Also my husband left, so part of me needed to keep going to achieve something that I could earn a wage independently.

OP posts:

nsldriver · 02/07/2019 15:16

I felt exactly the same as you and I didn't go, all my hard work meant/means nothing. I don't regret it because I'd make the same decision again but only because of low self esteem. Can you address that at all?

Batqueen · 02/07/2019 15:20

I didn’t go to my master’s graduation as I hated the course.

Having a degree in anything will open doors for you. There are many grad schemes that just want you to have a degree and don’t care what in they just want to know you have the discipline and critical thinking skills.

Have you thought about getting into health and well-being in the private sector? Might be something you enjoy more and more lucrative in the long run. Likewise HR tends to love psychology grads and would probably be keen on someone with your background too. Don’t sell yourself short

Birdie6 · 02/07/2019 15:20

You've done a wonderful thing OP - sticking it out for 5 years despite everything else going on. You're a great role model for your children - I bet they are super-proud of you . Put that cap and gown on, get that photo taken and put it on the mantle piece with pride !

You have lots of negative thoughts about the degree - but who knows what might happen in the future. Give yourself a pat on the back and look forward, not backward .

You wonder if you'd regret not going - I can only tell you that I've lived a long time, and the only things I regret are things I didn't do ....times I ducked out because I didn't feel I belonged, things I didn't do because I felt unworthy. Don't be like me ! Hold you head up ( with the cap on ) and grab hold of that degree. You might use it one day, you might not, that doesn't matter. What matters is that you achieved something really worthwhile. Onwards and upwards, OP. I'm proud of you !

BinkyBaa · 02/07/2019 15:31

I'd go for the graduation photo tbh. Theres no jobs in the area my degree is in, so God knows if I'll ever use it. None the less, it's an achievement all the same.

Don't think of it as a negative. You got through a difficult time in your life that not everyone is able to overcome. You've done so well to finish.

M3lon · 02/07/2019 15:39

I think its really concerning you feel you now have a phobia of an area that you previously actually wanted to work in. That's not really a rational response. I would attempt to deal in some way with your feelings and hopefully rediscover your interest in the area.

You don't have to have your fears control you like this....

Girasole02 · 02/07/2019 15:40

I would as it's a massive achievement. In years to come, you may regret not going. It doesn't have to be a huge occasion if you don't want it to be. Photo, ceremony then leave. Lots of people make a big day of it but it's not compulsory to do so. X

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 02/07/2019 15:43

I didn’t go to my master’s degree graduation. I don’t regret not going, but I did not feel that sense of achievement for ages after, whereas I think going to the actual ceremony can make it all seem real. Lots of people never use their first degree (or even their second.... looking at me here) so that is not a big deal, you still achieved the degree and that is something to be really proud of!

museumum · 02/07/2019 15:47

Get your certificate and your photo and start thinking of yourself as “a graduate”. That’s what you are - well done.
No need to look at minimum wage jobs, get searching for graduate jobs, use your university career service. Tell them you don’t want to work in mental health nursing but you want a graduate level job. It’s their job to help you.
You can do this next step.

brainfrying · 02/07/2019 15:51

Dont go. Graduations are full and a waste of money anyway. Have a meal out or buy yourself something nice to mark the occasion and closure.of that chapter.

brainfrying · 02/07/2019 15:52

*dull not full

nespressowoo · 02/07/2019 15:54

Well done - you've done so well.

I didn't go to my graduation ceremony once I completed my HV course. That made me ill and the people I did it with were horrible. I felt no desire whatsoever to go

Pippa489 · 02/07/2019 16:09

Congratulations, go and enjoy it. I did nursing (hated every bit of it). My graduation was a great day to reflect and feel proud of my achievement. You will always keep the pictures.

ChopinIn10Minuets · 02/07/2019 16:16

I'm hoping the degree helps but it doesn't open many doors, only ones still in the same area.

You'll find there are many jobs that ask for a degree in any subject. Retail management springs to mind, as does HR, many public service jobs (check your county/city council's jobs page), and in addition, if you really stop and analyse the skills you needed to complete your degree, you'll probably find you could use them in social work, probation work or other allied health professional jobs that aren't quite so full-on as what I've mentioned.

Congratulations on completing a degree that was a long, hard struggle. Whether you're bothered about graduation ceremonies is up to you, but it is a huge achievement and one you should celebrate. And well done for having the self-awareness to recognise that the work isn't for you. Only about 15-30% of graduates overall use their degree directly in their work, so don't worry about that. Take a break to come down and recover and your options could look much clearer.

VeryImportantTests · 02/07/2019 16:21

I did not go to my graduation. I went to see The Beautiful South in concert instead and it was great. Don’t go unless you want to but please give yourself some credit for how hard you worked and what you have achieved. Congratulations.

crumpet · 02/07/2019 16:22

I have a photo somewhere of me in cap and gown. It’s never been on display, and to be honest i’ve Not thought about it in many years. You have the qualification, regardless of whether or not you attend. The ceremony is for form only, as a nice recognition, but it’s not obligatory to attend. For me it was a nice occasion to catch up with everyone before we went our separate ways, and that was the main (or only) reason I bothered to go.

lljkk · 02/07/2019 16:22

Is there any job you could use your degree in but doesn't include the work activity that makes you unhappy?

QueenofPain · 02/07/2019 16:24

I didn’t go to my nursing graduation because I had a ticket to see Black Sabbath instead. No love lost there, the last 6 months of my degree left a really sour taste in my mouth as I was treated very badly by my tutor and her colleagues during an extremely traumatic series of events in my life.

Fuck ‘em. You might have another graduation at some point!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/07/2019 16:24

I think you need to be more proud of yourself!

You completed a degree even though each day was a struggle. That is a really big deal.

As someone else said - you are now a graduate and for many jobs that is all that matters. You have proved that you have the intelligence, drive, determination, grit and maybe even sheer stubbornness to keep going when times get really hard. That is what a lot of employers are looking for.

I also think that HR might be a good fit for you.

CornerofUpandDown · 02/07/2019 16:25

Didn't go to my graduation for my BA or MA and don't regret it at all. Do what's right for you.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread