Would you go to your graduation if the course you are graduating in impacted on your mental health?

[Leapoffaith00]

Qualified as a mental health nurse in March. I studied for 2 years to gain a foundation degree and then 3 years to gain a degree in nursing. It was the hardest thing I have ever done whilst bringing up my dc's as a single parent.
I hated every minute of it. I kept going as it was too late to change my mind (mature student). Every placement I would think, this us the ace I will feel some kind of desire to work within it. Never did!!
It's over now! I can't even apply for jobs as it makes me anxious just thinking about it.
I continued with the degree to prove to myself (or was it) that I could complete something. I could over one challenges. Part of me knows I kept going because of ego. Proving I could be something/someone. I had a not do nice childhood where my step father would tell me I wouldn't amount to much, I am lazy, I wasn't allowed to visit home when I left at 17, he made me think I was useless. So I know why I kept going even though working in mental health impacted on my own. Now - I graduate next week. The cap and gown kept me going. But.....I'm not happy. I didn't get a feeling that I thought I would. I feel nothing. I actually feel worse as now I feel shame that I'm not going to use my degree. Do I go? Just for a photo in my cap and gown. What does this really prove? Will I regret it?

I can see why you don’t want to go, but maybe going to the graduation would be closure on this chapter. Well done for completing your degree though, it’s a huge achievement especially given that you’re a single parent and really hated the course, you’re obviously a very determined and hardworking person

Perhaps you could still use your degree in a different way, have you thought about the Health Visitor training vacancies?

You'll find there are many jobs that ask for a degree in any subject. Retail management springs to mind, as does HR, many public service jobs (check your county/city council's jobs page), and in addition, if you really stop and analyse the skills you needed to complete your degree, you'll probably find you could use them in social work, probation work or other allied health professional jobs that aren't quite so full-on as what I've mentioned

I’m going to guess that the OP wouldn’t fancy going back to university to study to be a social worker, and maybe also the training involved in becoming a probation officer.

But there will be roles out there for you with your current qualifications OP, you’ve done well to stick it out and qualify, and I think what’s important is some time to reflect on your triggers and what roles you could do that would avoid them, and which you might enjoy.

As for graduation? I went to mine, even though I wasn’t that fussed. I only went because others convinced me to. In hindsight, I’d not have bothered.

Maybe you'll never work in the field but I bet you've learned loads. I worked in MH for only a year and it opened my eyes so much. I think it's a massive achievement to finish what you started. I am also a single parent, I am graduating soon (not in anything as gruelling as MH!) and am taking my dc along with me, yes I want the photos, it took me twice as long as it should have done but I did it! I think you should go - because of your childhood you're used to putting yourself down and you're doing it now. Be proud. And good luck with the next phase of your journey

Really try to get the courage to go. I did uni as a mature student , single mum too. You earnt that cap & gown babe, go and get them & the pics. Be proud of yourself, you might not want to work in that area now but you have earnt a degree 😀

It's ok to go just for the pic and maybe the handshake! At least then you won't be thinking "what if". Congratulations.

If the cap and gown mean something to you, I would go for the photo then come home again! If not, there's no need to go if you don't want to - but do mark it in some way i.e. a meal out or buying yourself something special. You have done well and deserve a pat on the back

Wow thankyou all so so much for all your messages, advice and kind words - I can't express how much this means to me. Already I feel less alone. Thankyou.
I seriously didn't know where to look for jobs but will look where everyone has mentioned. Not even thought about HR (to be honest not even sure what that would involve or know how to go about it).
I really do not want to study again. I'm all up for extra training whilst working but nothing too stressful.
It's not just the course but I didn't really make friendships either, not any that will continue anyway. They were all so much younger than me and all went out together alot during the course. All pleasant but I won't see any of them again. So a little anxious about that too as feel a little bit out of place.

You have achieved SO much in difficult circumstances. I would go to the graduation ceremony to both draw a line on the hard times, mentally, but more importantly claim and be proud of beating the odds, proving other people wrong that I couldn't succeed, and to allow myself to be proud of my achievement in completing and passing the course. You are as good as everyone else attending, & going will boost your self worth. I think regretting not doing something is worse than regretting doing something. Go, smile and be proud, you have earned the right 👏👏🎓🎓

I didn’t go to my graduation (midwifery). I took a year off (for mental health reasons, although not directly linked to the course it was a contributing factor) right before I was due to finish so would have been graduating with the cohort below me who I didn’t really know anyway.

I don’t regret not going. It was a difficult few years and whilst I’m glad I saw it through and have managed to make a career out of it, I needed to move on from that chapter of my life without fanfare. I ended up getting a job in a different hospital from where I trained with a completely different demographic, much busier than I had been used to, and very different facilities; and it did me the world of good.

I would definitely recommend applying for some jobs. Give yourself 6 months to settle in and if you find it’s not for you, don’t give yourself a hard time about it and move on.

Op, if you would like to look consider HR, a good place to start is to google HR grad schemes and check out the CIPD website. If you were to consider it as a career at some point you would need most likely need to do further qualifications but they are ones you could do whilst working and completely different from the uni experience!

Thanks again for messages, really appreciate them. It's a lonely old world sometimes. So thankyou MN.
I feel from reading, I'm not alone in how I feel just graduating. I'm sorry some of you have experienced mh problems also. I want time out but pressure to work. I definitely can NOT work in acute or rehabilitation. It's not for me. I take my hat off to those who can (plenty of my cohort were excited about working in these areas), and I believe some are better suited which is so much more beneficial to people in services. I found life, single parenting and financial commitments were all challenging. I do not want a job to add to that. I want to now enjoy my time with my dc's and settle into some kind of normality. I have probably learnt more than I think but most of all learnt alot a out me (definitely what I don't want). So, yes I need to see it as an achievement. A learning experience. I'm 42 now so feel I should be more secure financially. I guess that is another reason i feel disappointed.
I'm going to look into HR. I have googled a little. It's trying to persuade someone to give me a chance in a new role.
I'm going to take on board comments re graduation ceremony. I need to do what's right for me and yes, another learning curve, I'm not sure how sometimes. I need to learn how to drop the ego somehow.

I can and did do this.

I studied for a PGCE plus specialist qualification. Absolutely hated it. Got bullied in placement to the extent that I ended up in Counselling.

Gritted my teeth even though I hated teaching to get the qualification.

Went to the graduation but without DH and DC and just for myself because I wanted to graduate with my course colleagues who meant a lot to me.

Actually loved the camararderie of graduating with my besties despite the fact that I was by that point in the grip of PTSD because the Counselling had then led to me talking about some serious stuff I had never faced up to.

Never, ever taught once I qualified but then - after a great experience in Counselling - enrolled on a Master's degree in Counselling which I've nearly completed.

I'll graduate next summer, four years after my disastrous PGCE and I hope I'll look back on the photos - of me with my course colleagues in 2016 and me and my family in 2020 (because they're damn well coming this time) and feel really proud of both.

justkeepsinging congratulations! You sound happy with your choice right now. I hope my bad experience takes me to a job I enjoy. I fond it hard sitting in the moment - trusting the process. I think its because Im on my own. I sometimes wish i had someone who I could lean on a little- ease the pressures.

You sound like you're in a similar situation to me! I did a PGCE as an older student, got stuffed on the placements, ended up hating it and teachers, will never work in schools. I also had little to do with youngsters on the course, I didn't have the time that they did.

I didn't go to the celebration, what did I have to celebrate? A huge debt and the lesson of how unwelcome I was in the job market as an older woman? You're better off not adding to the debt, education is a rip-off now.

Dangermouse That was exactly my experience of the PGCE as well.

Leapoffaith I so relate to you, and I've followed a few of your threads.

I went to the absolute darkest of places in the last few years and it's only now the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight in terms of finally finding a job I love that I can feel happy about it.

If you ever want to chat generally do PM me - I haven't lucked out with a story with a happy ending - I went to hell that included losing my entire biological family and a completely mangled police investigation during my Master's degree. It has not been plain sailing in any way, shape or form.

But the difference between the PGCE and what I'm studying now is that I loved it so much and so wanted to do it.

You have your qualification and that's awesome, a huge achievement. Give yourself time to think.

The biggest thing my PGCE taught me was to recognise what was wrong for me - I hated and dreaded teaching, totally the opposite to how I felt in my Counselling placement.

It's been a tough road for you but maybe you needed to learn what you didn't want to do so that you can recognise what you do want to do when it turns up.

I believe that you only have one chance to go to your graduation ceremony, so you should go

It's good to look back on the photos in the future

You have spent lots of time & effort
So make the most of it !

No I wouldn’t and I haven’t. I had OCD and university at the time could not of been any less supportive. They belittled me and basically made me feel inferior. I didn’t go to the graduation because I knew I wouldn’t get anything from it - they were the toughest years of my life and the attitudes of the lecturers made that worse. I got the last laugh, came out (surprisingly) with a first!

nsldriver on a recent play o'er t'internet I discovered some articles going back to 2000 charting the same experiences. They were written with the aim of improving matters. As one should hope, when we are now paying through the nose. The truth is that having to pay for education just hands those in charge of it more power and less accountability. It's a disgrace, but as usual in the UK, no one gives a toss about common decency.

I didn’t. I hated doing my degree, had my DD in the last year, had major PND, couldn’t think of anything worse than spending money for something that I truly detested. I got a good result but I wasn’t interested xx

Go for it, walk across the stage with your head held high and have the pic with a fake scroll.

Why?

Because you did it. Even though you hated it you still did it, not only that you did it pass a single parent. Your kids need to see that pic of you in a cap and gown and if they are old enough see you recieve your degree.

As for not using your degree, heck you don't HAVE to go into mental health nursing there are loads of opportunities open to you now as a graduate.

You could look at teaching, banking, graduate schemes at, wells from breweries to rail companies.

Your MH is not great at the moment but you will, one day, look back at this and be proud, and you will want that cap and gown pic then.

Hi there, I wanted some different graduation photos and I contacted the cap and gown company and arranged to collect a cap and gown and had my own photos taken. I think they were in my city for a few weeks as there were several universities and I picked up and returned in person. The name of the hire company should be on your graduation information. It’s a practical way of getting your photos (that you have earned and your children will be proud of) without any of the stressful elements.

I also agree with applying for HR positions, I think your skill set will be of great value.

Thankyou all for your support here! I feel so much better having the chance to chat to people. Good advice re graduation.
I was feeling so guilty (not sure if it's the right word) because I do not want to go into nursing. I felt I was letting people down, my dc's down. A bit like I'd failed! I think it's because I'm sat in limbo not knowing where to go with bills to pay. I have started banking in a nursery as I need income but its not a wage I can survive on as a single parent. I'm thankful for the advice here - I thought I had no hope of finding a decent income. Again that was adding pressure to make me think I had no choice but to go into nursing (My tummy turns even typing that - can't believe what this has done to me).
I had a look a HR and many are asking for particular areas of experience (in which I don't have). I don't know where to start as there are so many recruitment companies and this is a new position. Definitely eager to learn though.

Now is the time to use the parts of your university that work for you! If you contact the careers department they will work with you to create an excellent cv that you can then tweak for individual roles. They will also have knowledge about graduate opportunities that you can apply for. Be completely straightforward about the fact that you want to use your skills and qualifications in a different way. You are normally entitled to use the careers services for some time after you graduate.

Good luck!