To think NCT attracts competitive middle class parents?

[lboogy]

I've noticed a huge difference in the attitude and outlook in life between the mum friends I made at hospital run pre baby events to the NCT crowd. NCT - wealthier more competitive in outlook, jobs and approach to parenting. Nhs - more relaxed mix of incomes and generally more ... pleasant

I do like my NCT friends/ acquaintances but I will confess to feeling a bit of the keeping up with the Jones.

Am I the only one?

I didn’t do NCT which I kind of regret as it took me a lot longer to find mum friends.
Of the friends I know that did, one would say yanbu and one would say yabu. It really comes down to the area and mix of people that happen to sign up with you. One lives in an area which is expensive and very popular with commuters to a major city. I think that kind of thing brings a different vibe to it too. But even considering that, really it’s pot luck on personality. You only need one strong, competitive type to inadvertently bring out the worst in everyone else.

NCT was one of my regrets.

We were taught frankly dangerous nonsense.

My nct class was calm, supportive, well informed and occasionally funny. It could be a bit “happy clappy” but that was down to the course leader not NCT. Plenty of tips on how to keep costs down.

Definitely no Gucci baby clothes . What fool buys Gucci, to be sprayed in regurgitated milk?

There were no nhs classes so it was nct or nothing.

I didn’t really click with my NCT group but they were all nice people and not competitive. I think I was very focused on work when I went to the classes and not very interested in ‘baby stuff’whereas they were reading books and were very prepared. I was very stressed re my work life though and was burying my head in the sand about having a baby so I think I was the issue, not them. I didn’t stay in touch with anyone afterwards. I later went to some baby playgroups and found most of the Mums there quite standoffish and one of them laughed at my choice of clothes for my DD so that wasn’t a great experience. I did meet a nice Mum through baby yoga though who was on my wavelength so it is worth trying a few different things.

Very interested to know what dangerous things you were taught, ScreamingLady.

My NCT friend and I were just saying yesterday how the class taught us nothing about the birth. It was so idealistic. There wasn’t any mention of pain so I went in expecting period pains and went a bit mental when it turned out to be considerably more than that.

The parents in my NCT group are generally in professional jobs (teachers, doctors, bank managers) and some are very well paid and I would consider middle class.

However this doesnt equate to being competitive parents. My NCT group is probably the least judgemental group I've come across. We have a big range of choices from full time working mums, stay at home mums, formula feeders, breast feeders, combination feeders, co sleepers and those who put baby in their own ruin at 6 weeks. No judgement from anyone in the 2.5 years we've known each other.

Of course NCT attracts a certain person - someone with £200 to spare - but the personality of the people in your group is down to luck!

I’d never heard of NCT when I was pregnant with DD 8 years ago. (I’m well educated and DH and I have professional jobs ) we managed one class out of three of the NHS ones before I developed pre eclampsia and had to be induced though. I don’t think NCT would have been my thing though as I had a c section, couldn’t breast feed and was very unwell for a few months after the birth.

I don’t think NCT would have been my thing though as I had a c section, couldn’t breast feed and was very unwell for a few months after the birth.

NCT was my thing despite having four c sections, choosing to either formula feed from birth or combine feed and also being unwell and depressed. My group were also incredibly supported after the neonatal death of one of my babies. In fact, the ones in my group that I got on with have been some of the most supportive, least competitive and best friends I’ve had.

The only reason NCT classes are successful is that they offer the opportunity for educated, affluent expectant parents to make friends with other educated, affluent expectant parents.

The cost is what keeps the riff raff out.

AllFourOfThem I really meant that I would have struggled to identify joint experiences of births and contribute to discussions because my birth experience was quite traumatic. I'm probably not explaining myself very well.

I'm so sorry for your loss and glad that you were able to find support within your group.

My son is over one now and also have another older child- is it worth joining nct? I'm new to the town I live in and want to meet people?

What I don't understand is why the assumption is that all NCT parents are awful? Or otherwise? It's like any group activity - a mix of people and in your group you may or may not "click" with one or more of the group.

Our group was 9 couples and it was a godsend for the first year or so. Just such a relief to have someone else on WhatsApp at 2am or whatever. Over time, we've drifted apart in a very natural manner - if iI see any of them in town or out and about we always have a good natter and a chat, but we're not in touch. A couple sort of drifted off a bit earlier, but the same friendly chit chat if we bump into each other applies. Two have become very good friends to the point that DH and I have seriously considered asking one to be guardian to our DC if anything happens to us....

It's just luck of the draw really.

What I don't understand is why the assumption is that all NCT parents are awful?

it's just the same attitude as people judging "school parents". They just happened to have a child of the same age, but apparently they become some kind of unique entity. Funny how the judgement comes from someone who belongs to that exact same group anyway

It's all down to your local branch imo. Mine is absolutely lovely, and it's mostly down to the chair who is a fantastic, genuinely kind and wonderful human being. (She quite literally probably saved my life when I was home alone w a 2 yr old while my husband was out of the country, I had a blood clot, the GP wouldn't believe me and I needed child care to be seen at hospital. I have no family here and at the time, no friends. In fact, I barely even knew her at the time, she just rang me at the right moment for some random reason as I was sitting on the floor trying not to move much because I was terrified of something happening!) She now is a paid NCT employee which is brilliant because she deserves it.

Anyway I digress. The tone of these groups, as with any, comes from the top down and if you have a chair who is competing for the invisible prize in "least amount of pain meds during birth" or whatever, people will engage in that, and the only volunteers you'll keep are those who care about that sort of thing. We did have a few when I first started volunteering, but I (and others) called them out on it when it happened (I had an epidural and I'll absolutely respond when someone says "oh dear could you just not take the pain then?" Similar exchanges would happen between hardcore BFers vs those who chose not to BF with second children, or whatever reason which wasn't anyone elses business!)

I'm using those as examples because they're typical baby discussions. Basically though, it was/is a nice inclusive group of mums. Our biggest fault is probably that we were all about 30 or over when we had our babies, so the average age skews higher than the Sure Start groups did. Which will obviously have an effect on where people are with careers etc. I don't know.

I still help out with the Nearly New Sales though, and my son is 10.

(oh fwiw, I never did any of the NCT classes, and I'm glad I didn't. My prenatal group was lovely and half the cost of the NCT one)

nelsonmuntzslingshot
it's sad, because the classes cover traumatic birth and bottle feeding just as much. At least half of the mums from my NCT class had traumatic births in the end, and their little ones had to spend quite some time in hospital.
I wouldn't reject the idea of a group in theory, because you never know who will be in it.

@ambereeree check if they let you. literally ALL NCT offers when i had my second were for first time parents only. oldest siblings were explicitly not welcome.

Imagine the uproar at a thread titled:
'To think NHS antenatal classes attract lazy working class parents'

Reverse snobbery is as twat-ish as regular snobbery.

dameofdilemma
That's not a fair comparison though.

NHS classes are open to all and as part of the health service will typically have a range of people with a range of experiences.

NCT being essentially a members only social club where the courses cost quite a bit, so is likely to have a much narrower demographic. It's not unreasonable for someone to ask for experiences or how narrow the demographic is and whether there are certain traits within the groups.

Lola - I could see your point if the thread was asking if all NCT users were wealthy.
But it doesn't.

Instead it assumes if you have enough money to attend NCT you must be competitive - a stereotype rather than a demographic.

Then it uses that catch all cliche for all reverse snobbery threads 'middle class' . Again stereotyping.

I'm neither for nor against NCT but I am against sneering in either direction.

This thread has upset me a bit. I am going to NCT, as a doctor I suppose I am middle class but am in no way competitive. Will be going to make friends and as a way to help my husband and myself learn a bit more about parenting. My brother and sister in law went and met some great people and found the sharing of the uncertainties, sleepless nights and challenges of parenthood really therapeutic.
I can’t wait to go. Let’s just hope no one brands me a competitive snob and refuses to talk to me!

It doesn't need to upset you @HorseyMamma. I didn't think anyone was saying all middle class people or all NCT people are judgey and competitive, more that they've seen it can attract that type.

I had a reservation about NCT attracting a certain type of person and seemingly it depends on the group you get. The more I've asked, the more I've found there does seem to be an income effect, to be expected, but nobody has suggested to me they're all pushy and competitive (unless they already live in an area or socialise in a circle that promotes that sort of mindset e.g. tutors from 4 to get in the right pre-prep school).

DH and I will be signing up for our local group. By all accounts it's largely people in their 20s and 30s, both tend to be working reasonably professional jobs, but want to meet new people at the same life stage. I'm not expecting to get on with everyone, but I'm hoping there will be a nice dynamic.

My NCT group of 8 are fab. There are different careers, birth experiences, feeding choices and parenting styles amongst us but we all get on great. I see 3/4 of them weekly and the others less frequently due to work commitments but still every few months.