To think NCT attracts competitive middle class parents?

[lboogy]

I've noticed a huge difference in the attitude and outlook in life between the mum friends I made at hospital run pre baby events to the NCT crowd. NCT - wealthier more competitive in outlook, jobs and approach to parenting. Nhs - more relaxed mix of incomes and generally more ... pleasant

I do like my NCT friends/ acquaintances but I will confess to feeling a bit of the keeping up with the Jones.

Am I the only one?

I had this perception and that's why I didn't go, even though a family member offered to contribute to the cost.

I'm from a very divided area in terms of wealth, so I assumed it would be the extremely rich/privileged people from my area, who all send their kids to the local private schools, and we'd have nothing in common.

Now I wish I had put my own insecurities aside and given it a go.

I'm middle class. Is that a negative?! I've never been anything but friendly to people I've met from any background and certainly wouldn't turn my nose up at a class where I thought upper class people might attend.

Competitive could get tiresome

YABU, our NCT group is a good mixture, some of the Mums are very well off financially compared to us, but I’ve never felt that we were in competition. I think we were fortunate as we’re very different and would never have all met on our own, but no ones been bitchy and there’s always been a lot of support. We still meet up quite frequently! I suspect it may fizzle out slightly when the kids are school age and we spend less time in soft plays, but it’s been brilliant in terms of a support network and people to hang out with!

We were going to go to NCT classes because the only NHS class available in my area is a two hour talk on what to expect in labour.

We ended up spending the money on a Harmony test instead.

YABU.

NCT is crazy expensive around here, so yes, it attracts people who earn well...

What is working class yoga?!!
My nct lot were either mc or wc that had been to uni and did quite well. Only one couple were from what I'd call a privileged background.
It was maybe a little competitive at times but I think most of us got something valuable out of it. Still friends with a couple of them 9 years later.
The content of the classes themselves were pretty awful tbh. Things like if you have an epidural then it will almost certainly end in intervention and some other agenda led crap.

None of my NCT group were competitive parents in the way you mean. We only didn’t continue to meet up as everyone went back to work eventually and they fizzled out. I see some of them around in random places and have a chat but haven’t forged life long friendships as some people have from NCT groups. The woman running the group was a local midwife and it was all very helpful.

I think I was lucky and you could very easily end up with a competitive parenting group. But that happens in lots of MC groups of people, not just NCT.

OP did you do NCT classes or are you just making sweeping statements.

Perhaps individually the participants might be more reasonable , but I'm finding the collective tribalistic enthusiasm on pain-free/water/home/yoga/lavender scented births naive and tiresome. As the only member of my group having an elective c section (on neurological health grounds, not that it should make a difference), I feel alienated and patronised by the view that I could overcome the need for a caesarean "with the right mind-set." Yes, because stroke symptoms will right themselves with a smile and a sunny disposition... 😂

YANBU OP was my experience too.

Everyone in my nct group was at least 10yrs older than me (and I was 26 so not ridiculously young) and gawd died I feel it. After our babies were born it was all meet ups at expensive farm parks that I had to get lifts to cos we couldn't afford a car. I've never felt so alienated.

*did not died!

Yes, to be fair all 8 of us can drive and have access to a car 5 days a week. We meet up at various garden centres/coffee shops/each other's houses spread across 5 towns. If one of us couldn't drive they'd have ended up only joining us maybe once a month which I appreciate may have been isolating.

Don’t know - didn’t go to any but I can tell you the friends that went the nct are normal people.

I never went to anything like that and wouldn't have wanted to but can't help wondering - what is wrong with being middle class? We are what we are. It's quite snobbish to be berating people for their social standing and commenting on their cars, etc.

Jimdandy, why would somebody crow about buying a three bedroomed house? It's what most people do, nothing remarkable. If it was your friend's first house, it's possible she was just pleased and excited about it. I doubt anyone would look down on others because they've bought a house.

When I was first pregnant I (& husband) was invited to attend ante natal classes by the District Midwife. We went once a week, in the evening, for a while before giving birth. During that period we learned all about labour and did various exercises, saw film and that sort of thing. It was quite good, I had wanted to go especially for my husband's benefit because I'd read enough to know what to expect and what to do, and it did help him. There was no competitiveness amongst the expectant parents, everyone was quite pleasant but no strong friendships were formed. It was free except for paying for coffee and biscuits at the break time.

Mine were mostly professional, degree level jobs, teacher, social worker, solicitor, HCP etc so yes pretty standard MC. I was the youngest at 33, the oldest was 40. One was, I admit, at the more alternative end of parenting (baby wearing, home educated, home birth) but half of us had C section, and I found them a pretty normal, mixed bunch of people. Definitely no Range Rovers, but we were all on fairly similar incomes.

None of us clicked like we were going to be best friends, but they were pleasant enough. It was convenient to have a group to meet up with sometimes, I keep in loose contact with two of them, we have done the odd bit of babysitting and met up on our second mat leaves.

I was actually disappointed we weren't more compatible as other friends have made amazing friends they see every week and holiday with, I only signed up for the social network and relied on it too much, I wish I'd made more effort at baby groups, but I was shy and felt very low on my first mat leaves so when we went as a group to baby and toddler session I didn't push myself to be more sociable with the other mums

Cost depends on how long the course is )varies between 12-18 hours typically) and your location (London courses are more expensive). Also, there’s an up to 90% discount available for clients who are on certain benefits. Check out www.nct.org.uk/courses

My NCT group are all nice, normal, working class/middle class people. The NHS only offered a one hour session in my area.

In my limited experience, I have found this tbh OP. I only did NHS and made some good friends - complete mix of backgrounds- drifted apart now but the kids are 9, so to be expected. Lovely when they were babies though.

On the other hand, when my best friend had her baby a couple of years ago she only had NCT. I met them at a baby group meeting in the park and they were hard going.

Our grp was 4 Wc 2 MC. I joined because we live nowhere near family and none of our friends (we're gay) were having kids. Wanted to met peeps with babies. It served it's purpose with the PFB and we skipped it for subsequent kids.

I'm still really close to 3 out of the 7 women I did NCT with. Our eldest kids are 8.

I think age / job type etc must depend on area. I was the youngest in our NCT group at 22, then there was a 25 year old, a couple of late 20s, 3 early/mid 30s and the eldest was 36. The men and women were mostly teachers, nurses, HR assistant, accountant type jobs so professional but normal.

However I do think parenting itself has become a bit... "choose your camp and find your tribe". You can use a sling on holiday without identifying as "A Babywearer". You can breastfeed without being at all bothered about what other individuals do. Seriously unless they were there, who is even going to know much less care if you had an epidural or a waterbirth?

My NCT class was lovely and not at all competitive. We had one super type A doctor type who was very Gina Ford and very uptight that she had parenting sorted while the rest of us were struggling (clearly because we didn't have a 'routine'). Then she had baby #2 and realised she just got lucky the first time and none of what she was doing had anything to do with why she had an easy baby. But the rest of us were pretty laid back. I am the only one (besides Type A doctor mum) who has gone back to work full time (our eldest are now in primary school). Two of them are home and on benefits. Not competitive or particularly middle class, but obviously the fact you have to pay does mean you get only a certain population. We took our class with a concessionary rate though as I was a student at the time and dh had only just finished uni and gotten a job so our income at the time was quite low.

My NCT group are all what I’d consider ordinary people, but I suppose they are erring towards middle class if thats you POV. We are all 30’s-40’s and 3 out of the 5 women have “careers” eg teachers, but not high paid as such. We also have a soldier and wife, she doesn’t work as they move about so often.
My NCT course was £230, the NHS one wasn’t free but was only 1 day and absolutely miles away in a city I don’t go to unless desperate, so people there would be no use to me friendship wise as I’d never want to travel in (we live rurally) so I decided to just do NCT.

We had 7 other couples and three years on, I'm still in regular contact with three others who are lovely. Really glad I met them. There was a stuck up one who goes to my church and has never acknowledged us even though we see eachother regularly lol. We are considered working class and she is very much middle class (lawyer, detached house in affluent area, double garage etc)

Just sounds like the mix of people weren't to your taste 🤷‍♀️

Our NCT was all 30 somethings of middle class (if you like) incomes, but that was mostly geography, as we lived in an expensive area, therefore you had to have money.

They weren't all to my taste either - the only thing we had in common to start with was the date of birth of our babies and a general disbelief in all the shite that the NCT leader spouted.

19 months down the line, I've moved away from the area, and I'm still friends with two women. But that's because we had things in common beyond new babies.

It's rent-a-friend, right? Have a group of people to see you through the next 3-6 months of insanity. Once everyone has found their feet, you'll stay friends with the people you genuinely click with.