To think NCT attracts competitive middle class parents?

[lboogy]

I've noticed a huge difference in the attitude and outlook in life between the mum friends I made at hospital run pre baby events to the NCT crowd. NCT - wealthier more competitive in outlook, jobs and approach to parenting. Nhs - more relaxed mix of incomes and generally more ... pleasant

I do like my NCT friends/ acquaintances but I will confess to feeling a bit of the keeping up with the Jones.

Am I the only one?

Yanbu, this was my experience.

I never went to these things. Not necessarily competitive as a family but we have high standards in most things. Certainly spending most of our money of education/educational/cultural stuff. Just thought it was a bit of a waste of time.

That was my experience which is why I rarely see them any more. Truthfully though, it might have been my anxiety over playing any competitive aspects. My closest mum friend is from a free baby class I attended after DS was born

Mine were all lovely. Not competitive at all. Perhaps I just hit it lucky.

I was sceptical and I think the actual course was bobbins. But have made some wonderful friends and 7 years in - we are still meeting up regularly.

I confess to not knowing what NCT (I will google), is so I cannot be middle class.

Done. I presume it isn't 'Neo Culture Technology' so must be the
'National Childbirth Trust'.

Never had anything to do with either, I must be a pleb.

My NCT pals are all lovely, we're just normal knackered women!

You want competitive mums? I went to a baby music class in a school hall full of whippet thin, fully made up women with designer outfit clad babies who couldn't believe DS wasn't crawling. He was 7 months old. We didn't go again.

I'm not sure how many of my NCT lot count as middle class, but we had a fairly wide range of backgrounds/jobs/wealth. At least half would prob describe themselves as working class.

We saw a lot of each other for the first few years, and have now split into two smaller groups, but they're a good bunch and were really valuable to me during the steep learning curve of new parenthood.

The NHS postnatal class was 20 strong, and didn't really lend itself to forming friendships for me. Others found it better, but I was in deep PND and not really with it.
There was a good broad variety of people there, but most who did the NCT did the NHS postnatal one too, so there's lots of crossover.

I'd say the NCT thing is worth doing if you don't have a local network. We didn't learn much I hadn't already read, and the teacher was anti-CS/epidural/anything not 'natural', which we all found ridiculous. As it turned out, not one out of eight of us had a 'normal' birth. Nice wide variety of complications, half of them had CS etc... So thanks for the complete lack of prep on that NCT!

Oh, and the only competitive mum I've come across was from DC2's NHS postnatal group.
"How many teeth does your baby have? Mine has TWO." She was hilarious.

Nct classes attract those who want to make parent friends, they are also the kind of people who want to do things that their perceive is best for their offspring, they after all have paid for classes when there's free ones or who can learn from books/online. Income is a factor, they cost money but it's not really about job type, some of the wealthier people I know are builders etc

I never did any classes. Probably should have lol. I don't remember any midwife etc suggesting I should anyway. I did feel quite isolated at the time.
Are nct classes mainly to make friends? Everything you could possibly want to know about babies is on the Internet now so I guess it's less about learning that stuff. I don't think I would have cared what class other mothers were if they were nice. Does it matter?

Yes OP even 40 years ago. The attitude was if you wanted an epidural you aren't part of this gang. So I didn't go to any classes but still had the 100% painless birth with epidural that I asked for.
It's childbirth snobbery at its worse. I just got fed up with the way they looked down their noses at my choices.

In the area I was in, there were no NHS classes. The nct class was full of nervous people who had spent too long looking for the NHS one and then found themselves with only a few weeks to go.

Our NCT babies turn 17 this year and have just done their GCSE’s. I think I was lucky but I count our group of 5 as my best friends and the “babies” are all still friends too

@GivenchyDahhling I think you live near me, NCT was a nightmare, discussions were around Gucci baby clothes, buying a new car 'for baby' obvs, tan, eye lashes, wax and hair regimen pre elective C section, designer dummies and the post birth meet up, more frilly Spanish baby clothes than I've ever seen and a cat park full of range rovers. I'm still on the WhatsApp group but only message when I feel it would be rude not to and I have no intention of going to another meet up. There was one woman I got along with well, she was an HCP and has just moved to Ireland we keep in touch by WhatsApp.

I never went to any classes at all, didn't know about them. Maybe they weren't in existence years ago. I wouldn't have enjoyed being with a lot of other mothers who talked about children and child care all the time anyway, much preferred going to work. I didn't want to 'make friends' in that way, I had friends and my offspring had friends too. Do people really need groups like that, if they are unsure about something surely they can find the answer in a book?

I would say from my experience that I agree with you OP - I would have said that my DH and I were comfortable enough financially when we did the NCT classes but we felt like the poor cousins compared with most of the rest of the group. We didn't really click, I don't know if it was to do with income or world outlook - or maybe a mixture of both.

Some groups really gel well and become lifelong friends, others just don't, and I belonged to the latter category. It's luck of the draw I think.

I didn't click with anyone in my NCT class. We were the youngest couple and I felt quite excluded by the group initially. This soon changed when they found out that despite my dishevelled appearance I am a child psychotherapist (and now worth talking to!) but by then it was too late for me to feel comfortable with them.

I seem to remember there being a lot of discussion about what they had bought for their baby and lots of mention of brands. E.g. Gro-bag instead of sleep bag and Bugaboo instead of pram. But that might just have been me being fed up with them.

I spent about six weeks on the WhatsApp group but as I was unable to BF and was quite unwell after giving birth I didn't have much to contribute. So I left it. In a way I wish I had made friends from the group but all it means is that I have to try harder at baby groups to build friendships.

My closest friends are from my NCT days - nary a middle class among us! Not competitive either. Just genuinely caring, supportive, and lovely! 15 years down the line I'm so pleased I went.

Like @seniorschoolmum, in my area the NHS doesn't offer classes unless you're under 21 or vulnerable in some way, so my NCT class was me and half a dozen other nervous women who realised in 3 months or so we'd have a baby and had never changed a nappy.
I admit we were all middle class but pretty practical down to earth types. We kept meeting up and laughing about the very posh mums nearby, until most of them moved away. Still friends with the other one.
NHS postnatal groups were mostly great, except for the one bonkers woman who told us none of us had PND because she'd had it and could tell (hint:second time mums seeking out baby groups probably are the ones with depression), and showed videos of babies in Romanian orphanages being ignored followed by insisting people joined in sign language videos, in Hungarian...

While I don’t regret NCT and I have made some friends from it, I’d never recommend it. As to the OP, the most insecure/competitive/Elevenerifer in our group is the one who is youngest and afaik poorest. But, yes, makes it hard to connect unless you are good at nodding and smiling.

I hate NCT because my friend went to their classes, met some Doctors and rich people, then finally bought her own (normal 3 bed house) and suddenly thought she was a cut above everyone else!

We are no longer friends.

I had a great experience with my NCT groups. Met some life long friends. There has been no competitiveness. I would not have survived maternity leave without them, I suffered PND and they were my lifeline and meant that at a time I could barely leave the house I didn’t have to get out and meet new people. Of course there are some I got on better with than others but they were all lovely people.

Also AFAIK you can get discounted or free places on their course if you are in receipt of certain benefits, I think that’s part of the charitable aspect. They also run free things like breastfeeding clinics.

I was / am in a NCT group .... I can't stand the other mummy's in the group ... OP I think you are spot on!