Am I solely to blame or does this lie with both of us?

[SkintMama]

Our 10 year relationship has come to an end today. We haven’t been happy for a long time but we got engaged and our wedding is all booked for next year.
The past 6 months, I’ve found myself. I’d been a SAHM for 16 years and I’d lost my identity. Now, I’m listened to, respected and I make a little bit of difference to people’s lives. I love this.
My DP couldn’t handle my new-found independence. My new spark. I’d struggled with severe anxiety for most of my life, until I started taking antidepressants. They saved me and gave me the courage to do scary things like get a job etc. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. But it’s come at a price.
DP showed me very little affection, had very little time for me, and I felt invisible when I was at home. I felt the loneliest I’ve ever been, while in the same room as him. He would pass comment on my weight(I’m a size 10-was a 6 when we met-3 kids later, what did he expect?!)
My head was turned. Someone showed me attention and it felt nice. We’ve been sending the odd message and have shared a kiss.
I told DP this morning. For the past 3 weeks, I e barely been at home when he is. I’ve sat in my car most of the time, even drank wine in my car, just to avoid the atmosphere at home. It gave me heart palpitations.
Now he keeps saying this is all my fault. That he isn't to blame at all. Yes it was me that ultimately ended it with what I did, but there's been so many things leading up to that, things that pushed me to that point. I refuse to take all the blame. Honestly, am I being unreasonable to think like this?

It's so tempting to focus on the events of the last few days and his reaction but they aren't necessarily the most relevant or important.

I think you need to find some headspace to evaluate your relationship over the last few years. How it made you feel, what the issues were, what the good points were, whether you can see it improving, what has led you to create a life for yourself that you love, what has led your mental health to improve, how has he fitted into that, etc.

It's very hard to decide to split up and it may not be what you will choose to do. But that decision has to be based on the whole relationship, not on what he is saying/doing now. And not on the feelings of guilt that you have right now.

For example, he might forgive you. But how will that change things? How does that fit in with the last few years? How will you work together to fix the issues that were already there? Can you really see things improving?

Good luck OP x

I really appreciate everyone’s replies. Thank you so much.
I am feeling very little... I take antidepressants and I’ve lost the ability to cry. He’s often commented on how ‘cold’ I am. I’d rather this than what I was like before I started taking them. Bit, because I’m not feeling anything, I’m struggling to work out if I want him or not?! I have a doctors appointment later today. Part of me wants to increase my dosage as I think I oll need it to actually move out and not lose the plot. But another part of me thinks I should reduce it so that I can ‘feel’ for a while?