To feel uncomfortable about FIL's comment

[NameChangedForThis34]

Have name changed for this, just in case.

I feel I can't talk to anyone about this IRL without creating more awkwardness, so would like to ask the anonymous people of MN.

I have known FIL for years and we've always got on really well, he's become like a second dad to me in a way. The other day he came with us to breakfast. FIL started to eat greasy fried bread with his hands, and DH said he should probably use a knife and fork (as it was greasy). FIL then said (loudly) "I'm not going to start putting my hands all over your wife am I?"

It made me feel really uncomfortable, I laughed awkwardly but there was something about it that made me feel really weird and creepy. I know that probably sounds stupid as it was a throw away comment but idk, just wondered if others would feel the same way or if I'm overreacting?

I get it OP, for me it would be the knowledge that the thought had even occurred to him. That the mental image in his head could actually exist. Euch!

Eww. And I bet you felt too awkward to challenge it even though its him in the wrong for making such comments. Being a woman sucks.
Dirty old man.

Exactly, yes I think that's what it was. And being spoken about in that way, "your wife" etc. It's strange as I've always got on really well with him and now feel really awkward!

If it was a one off comment laugh it off but if it happens again definitely tell your FIL how often it makes you feel.

If he's never said or done anything like this before, then I would assume it was an awkward response to your husband patronising him, but if he has form, then I would prepare yourself to speak up and ensure that he understands how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

As others have said, if this was out of character then I'd put it down to him feeling awkward to being "told off". But YANBU that's a very weird comment. Perhaps just keep your eye on it and get DH to talk to his father separately if something like that occurs again.

Why didn’t he say, “I’m not going to put my hands on you (his son)” rather than mention his dil? Nah, I wouldn’t like that either. Yuck. What was your husband’s response?

If it's a one-off I'd put it down to a clumsy knee-jerk response to being treated like a child.

If it's not a one-off or if it happens again, I'd certainly be having a firm word with him.

Exactly what @tearsofrobertsmith said. And also no recognition of the fact that you might have immediately have bopped him on the nose if he’d even tried to put his hands anywhere, let alone ‘all over’ you.

It's an odd comment but why did you husband treat his father like a child? Perhaps he just responded to this in a way he wouldn't normally have? I'd just put it to the back of my mind unless he made another comment like this. PS friend bread is must better eaten with your hands.

That is so cringey.

eeeoooo cringey

If he says something like that again don't be afraid to call it

''well that's awkward, cringing for you FIL''

It was a lash out response as guessing dh made him feel like a child. Shrug it off

The response was creepy. It would have really annoyed me to be told how to eat though.

He’s clearly trying to put your DH in his place with a hint of macho manhandling ‘your wife’. Ugh. If he says anything like it again, say you’re embarrassed for him that he thought it was an acceptable thing to say out loud.

OK, forgive me, this may sound absolutely daft, but if this is completely out of character, what he said makes me wonder if he might be starting to be ill with dementia? I know that may sound a complete over-reaction, but my mother was sort of off kilter, making odd remarks a bit like that from time to time over a few years, and it eventually transpired that she'd been having TIAs (mini-strokes, as we used to say), which were the cause of her vascular dementia.

I don't suppose he meant anything but it was a really 'yeuch', inappropriate thing to say, quite embarrassing, and I think you should say something to him.

Creepy, but if it was a one-off I'd leave it. Possibly he was annoyed by your DH's rather patronising comment about using a fork for fried bread ! I'd have snapped at my son if he spoke like that to me. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Agree with disputed this is about power and old fashioned sexism. Your FiL felt belittled so to re-assert his power he got your husband where he thought it would hurt most i.e. getting his hands on you. You 'belonging' to your husband.

Either way it's pretty unsavoury

Log it with 101

Yeah, this gross. It’s the “wife as property” angle that’s making it feel off kilter.

An awful thing to say, but even worse because he actually said it in front of you. I would have felt Very awkward too if I was you.

He probably felt a bit belittled by your DH (rightly or wrongly so), and lashed out at him without considering how badly/cringeworthy he was coming across.

state with icy calm & steady beady eye "I beg your pardon, perhaps you could think what you just said!" or words to that effect - icy polite is the way to go!

YANBU

It's a rather inappropriate comment IMO.

With or without mini strokes this could well be dementia. DM comes out with weird things now (she says racist things and she never ever was racist) And not thinking before speaking is common.

Best to ignore it I say to my mum "shut up silly old woman". She does laugh she still has a sense of humour