To feel uncomfortable about FIL's comment

[NameChangedForThis34]

Have name changed for this, just in case.

I feel I can't talk to anyone about this IRL without creating more awkwardness, so would like to ask the anonymous people of MN.

I have known FIL for years and we've always got on really well, he's become like a second dad to me in a way. The other day he came with us to breakfast. FIL started to eat greasy fried bread with his hands, and DH said he should probably use a knife and fork (as it was greasy). FIL then said (loudly) "I'm not going to start putting my hands all over your wife am I?"

It made me feel really uncomfortable, I laughed awkwardly but there was something about it that made me feel really weird and creepy. I know that probably sounds stupid as it was a throw away comment but idk, just wondered if others would feel the same way or if I'm overreacting?

She doesn't belong to her husband though does she? Why didn't he say 'put my hands all over your shirt?'

Your fil chose a less aggressive response.

Saying it wasn't as if he was putting his hands all over his son's wife is a way more aggressive response. In what contexts does a man 'put his hands all over' a woman? The obvious response to someone complaining about someone eating with their hands is 'Well, I'm not wiping my greasy hands on you', but FIL chose to retaliate via his DIL.

Imagine you are eating with a younger female friend or relative and her husband. She complains about you eating messily with your hands. Do you say to her 'Well, I'm not putting my hands all over your husband, am I?'

No she doesn't belong to her husband - but no doubt he would be hugging/kissing OP goodbye?
He would have made sure his hands were clean once he'd finished eating - unless there's a drip feed on its way?
Why else was DH so bothered about his dad having greasy hands?
I highly doubt the FIL puts his hands all over DH's shirt anyway so why would he say that?

I’m another one who thinks that if it’s out of character it could be a sign of early dementia
My sdad is unfortunately starting to suffer with this, 90% of the time he’s fine but then he says things that are a bit aggressive and odd. For example last time he saw dd ( who he adores) she showed him her new dress and he said “there’s no way you will fit in that” (she’s very slim) and then she told him she had been picked for a sports team due to her performance in an event, he asked her time and when she told him he said it wasn’t very good at all.
He’s a very kind and inoffensive person as a rule but as he deteriorates he can be very rude unfortunately

Your DH was out of order, where does he get off telling his dad how to eat. Not suprised Fil was pissed off.

sign of dementia He was probably pissed off being patronised by his adult son.

Who fucking cares about the DH pissing the father off. The point is if he was pissed off why verbally crawl all over his DIL rather than taking it out on his son? BECAUSE that WAS the way to really put the boot in to his son in his eyes.

Nice