To feel uncomfortable about FIL's comment

[NameChangedForThis34]

Have name changed for this, just in case.

I feel I can't talk to anyone about this IRL without creating more awkwardness, so would like to ask the anonymous people of MN.

I have known FIL for years and we've always got on really well, he's become like a second dad to me in a way. The other day he came with us to breakfast. FIL started to eat greasy fried bread with his hands, and DH said he should probably use a knife and fork (as it was greasy). FIL then said (loudly) "I'm not going to start putting my hands all over your wife am I?"

It made me feel really uncomfortable, I laughed awkwardly but there was something about it that made me feel really weird and creepy. I know that probably sounds stupid as it was a throw away comment but idk, just wondered if others would feel the same way or if I'm overreacting?

I think it sounds like an ill judged retort to his son talking to him like he was 5.

Call him out if it happens again, but why on earth was your DH telling another adult how to eat? Patronising much

Yes, exactly, @PeriComoToes. Macho reassertion of power expressed via suggestion of access to the other party’s wife. Caveman.

Yes I agree with you lyra. Your husband was BU in the first place. Who the hell eats fried bread with a knife and fork.

'well that's awkward, cringing for you FIL''

Whatever you do, don’t say that.

Was you sitting next to him maybe he just meant it because you were the closest

Your dh is out of order for telling someone how to eat

Why are you no it uncomfortable with your husband treating his dad like a baby?

The fact he jumped to that in stead of 'I'm not going to touch your new shirt son!' Or just 'don't worry I'll wash my hands after so I don't smash my glass!' Etc.

I hate to sound Freudian but it's almost like he had that on his mind already if it was the first thing he thought of.

I'd feel quite violated and if my FIL said that I'd feel very uncomfortable around him from then on.

Mountain:molehill.

I expect he was feeling small after your dh's comment and was just hitting back.

You can make it an issue which sours your hitherto good relationship, or you can forget it.

Well I found it funny...

Sounds to me fil didn’t like being spoken to like a child by his son and said the first thing that came in to his head.

As a one off it’s not really an issue and not sure why anyone would feel violated by it, this place is mental some times. Also really doubt it’s dementia

Your dh is rude for treating his Dad like a child. Surely the place you were eating had napkins.

Was a bit of an odd thing for FIL to say but, as a one off, I wouldn't get too upset by it. Was probably thrown by your dh treating him like an infant.

How old is you FIL OP? Sounds very odd if his behaviour has always been appropriate until now. Any other behavioural changes? Has he eaten with his hands like this before?

Changes in behaviour is a red flag for early signs of dementia :-(

crinkle77 who the hell eats fried bread with a knife and fork. Me, for one! (Hate greasy fingers myself)

I would have replied with ewww to show your disgust. That might have been enough to embarrass him and make him think twice about making a comment like that in the future.

FILs can be odd. One christmas, mine bought me a gift voucher for a lingerie shop in town. He later demanded to know what I had bought.

He then told my father all about it at a family gathering and expected my poor dad to laugh along with the 'joke'.

I think it happens to men who have never had daughters.

It's the fact that it was his instant thought that he had ready to go that would creep me out.

Why did it creep you out, Op?

To me he was just making a point that he wasn't going to touch anything with greasy hands.

Yes, he could have picked a better example, but it doesn't seem particularly sinister/suggestive to me.

Far too many people wanting to be offended here.

If my ds spoke to me like your DH spoke to his dad I’d have told him to piss off. Your DH is the twat here. Does he treat you like his underling as well?

It’s the “wife as property”

If I refer to “my husband” it isn’t about property, just as I will refer to my sister or my mum. It’s who they are to me, not that I own them.

It was a bizarre comment, but equally bizarre that the OPs husband felt he should tell his father how to eat food. I wouldn’t think twice about eating fried bread with my fingers. Not difficult to wipe your fingers afterwards, anyone who told me off for it would be told to fuck off.

If its a one off comment,then I would ignore it TBH. yes its not appropriate but if you get on well normally ,no point in worrying about It!

Some people need to develop a string of retorts instead of allowing things like this to fester. 'So, whose wife are you thinking of putting your hands on then?' 'You should be so bloody lucky'.
The current thought police like to see everything as 'upsetting', 'uncomfortable' or what ever psychobabble is current.

I'd have to say to DH - I didn't like that, I don't want it to go any further, but I want you to know that made me feel uncomfortable.

I’d have just laughed it off OP.
Your DH was being unreasonable

You are reading way too much into this OP and so are a lost of previous posters. Overreaction much? wish we could have an eye rolling smiley

*lot not lost

also wish we could have an edit button

FIL started to eat greasy fried bread with his hands, and DH said he should probably use a knife and fork (as it was greasy). FIL then said (loudly) "I'm not going to start putting my hands all over your wife am I?"
Well my first response to your husband would have been "shut up you patronizing twat!"
Your fil chose a less aggressive response.

Exactly why did your dh feel he needed to infantilise his dad over how he ate his food?
FIl knew the food was greasy, he still chose to eat with his hands - no doubt he knows how to clean his hands afterwards.
Your DH implied that FIL had no 'manners' because he was eating with his hands, that he was 'stupid' for not 'realising' that his hands would be greasy.

So i totally understand why FIL made that comment - his eating with his hands and them being greasy as a result does not affect either of you AT ALL in any way.
So he made his point very clear by the comment that he made - why are you being a dick about my eating style DH? It's not like i'm touching anything of 'yours' with greasy hands

To be honest, you have completely overreacted.
Your dh was in the wrong for picking on his dad's eating -and now you're ganging up on FIL as well.