Am I being a mean mum?

[Chancewouldbeafinethlng]

Going to the cinema later today with the DC’s. Ds1 has been going on and on about getting a pick and mix and eating it all at the cinema. I’ve told him we can get a pick and mix but I will give him what I think is a suitable portion while at the cinema and the rest can be divvied out during the week.
Apparently I am a horrible mum and everyone else gets to eat a whole tub of sweets.
Some of his friends do seem to go through a lot of sweets. I have to have a level of control over his food intake as he is so obsessive over it and would eat till he’s sick.

AIBU to stick to a portion?

Well in answer to your aibu thatb doesn't sound at all mean.Enjoy the film!

Surely the point of being a parent is about teaching your children how to regulate. Unless the child is 2 or 3 and unable to ,a far more sensible conversation is him understanding why he can have a small amount in the cinema as a treat but not to overdo it.

By taking his sweets and doling them out when you see fit is about you controlling his access...what does he learn from that? Just that he doesn't need to decide , he just relies on your decision. It becomes your arbitrary decision and seems far more about you needing to control access to food.

A more sustainable option is get a few sweets for the cinema and a gentle (non joy sucking) mention that sugar is fine in moderation but let's not get too much.

I agree with you shiny but he isn’t your average child. We do teach him to regulate but he struggles with it and probably always will.

You aren't being mean. You are being kind because he won't regulate himself. I never let my kids have pick and mix, and usually make them share a popcorn, or we take our own snacks. They do not have SN but do suffer from greediness. I AM mean, and parsimonious and I DON'T CARE. It is my job to get them to adulthood with good teeth and a sense of proportion when it comes to eating. I'm not their besty.

I honestly empathise my eldest DC has extra needs (going through diagnosis currently) and regulation is a huge challenge for him. I guess for us that's why I feel it's important for me to not make all the decisions or it will reconfirm that he can't or doesn't need to. My DC fixates heavily and if I control access to anything arbitrarily without a clear explanation...he will create it as a given pathway in his head and not try to make the decisions himself.

Err hope that makes sense it was a bit clunky.

I genuinely do empathise though it's not easy with a DC who doesn't regulate .

”He’ll also be having popcorn”

Why? One or the other, surely?!

Our DC have either pick n mix or popcorn when we go to the cinema. The whole point of pick n mix is you ‘pick’ the amount you want (or rather, that the parent will allow). Don’t see why you need to get enough to save, just get the amount you’re happy for him to have then and there.

And if you’re concerned about how much rubbish he’s eating, don’t get him sweets and popcorn!

So your concerned about him over eating yet your buying sweets and popcorn both to be consumed in the space of 2 hours? Sounds like your sending mixed messages

How is a trip to the cinema something that needs to be micro managed by half the pp, it’s a treat not an everyday occurrence 🙄
OP I understand your reasons.

I have a very similar child with sn and food but if I said they had to keep sweets back for the week, that would make it very hard for them and probably any child tbh.

We go to the pound shop next door beforehand and I let ds's eat all of the sweets purchased. So yes it does seem a bit mean to me.

You didn't mention in your OP that he has SN, which obviously changes the answer if he finds it hard to self regulate.

Just get a smaller tub of sweets and let him finish them (and if he notices it's a bit small maybe get another tiny tub for a treat at home at a later date)

Getting a massive tub but only allowing him half will be very frustrating for him if he has SN.

Good luck and enjoy the cinema trip.

Just love it when 3hours after the original post the OP adds that the child in question has SEN. Oh and will be getting popcorn in addition to sweets.
OP you are guilty of being unreasonable for not mentioning either in the original post.