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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a mean mum?

87 replies

Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 30/06/2019 08:13

Going to the cinema later today with the DC’s. Ds1 has been going on and on about getting a pick and mix and eating it all at the cinema. I’ve told him we can get a pick and mix but I will give him what I think is a suitable portion while at the cinema and the rest can be divvied out during the week.
Apparently I am a horrible mum and everyone else gets to eat a whole tub of sweets.
Some of his friends do seem to go through a lot of sweets. I have to have a level of control over his food intake as he is so obsessive over it and would eat till he’s sick.

AIBU to stick to a portion?

OP posts:
gerbilgirl · 30/06/2019 09:33

Definitely not mean!

When we go to the cinema with our two daughters I take a couple of plastic tubs (usually with a small amount of sweeties in, think three mini bags of haribo shared between them), we then get a tub of popcorn at the cinema which they both get some of in their tubs.

When I see how much some people have I have felt a bit mean, however the girls don't seem to mind and love having their tubs.

It saves a fortune not buying loads of cinema snacks which means more cinema trips Grin

ch3rrycola · 30/06/2019 09:34

Go to Poundland their tubs of pick n mix are small then DC can have a whole tube but there's a sensible portion inside

codemonkey · 30/06/2019 09:35

A dentist told me to let kids pig out on sweets and get the sugar hit over with. He said parents doling out sweets in dribs and drabs cause more dental problems

Totally agree. Six grammes of sugar in one hit is better than one gramme six times, tooth-wise.

Allington · 30/06/2019 09:40

According to DD11 'everyone else' is also allowed to stay up as late as they want, have hundreds of pounds of pocket money, is dressed top to toe in designer clothes etc

'Everyone else' always has far nicer parents... Grin I just sympathise with her terrible luck in getting me for a parent

Millie2018 · 30/06/2019 09:41

I wouldn’t let my child eat a whole tub of sweets because he was throwing a tantrum that all his friends were allowed.
You are the parent and you make the decision.

Allington · 30/06/2019 09:41

Oh, and 'everyone else' was given an iPhone the moment they were born.

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 30/06/2019 09:44

What a bizarre AIBU. Just buy him a sensible amount for the cinema. Or if you insist on letting him a few sweets everyday then take an extra bag and put half into another bag. Rather than taking away his sweets halfway through the cinema. Do you think you might be contributing to his food issues Confused

ilikepurple · 30/06/2019 09:50

Yes.

Iggly · 30/06/2019 09:52

I let mine get the pick and mix because it’s part of the whole experience.

We rarely go to the cinema!

Lovemusic33 · 30/06/2019 09:53

If it’s a one off then I think you are being mean.

We went to the cinema a few weeks ago, we probably go no more than once a year so the dd’s we’re excited and wanted pick and mix, the pick and mix is sold in cup sizes so I let them fill a cup each and let them eat them all during the film. They rarely have sweets at home unless grandparents buy them so I don’t think it’s going to kill them as a one off.

Pinkfinkle · 30/06/2019 09:55

It’s a treat, I really wouldn’t get het up over them eating a full tub of sweets rather than a tiny portion.

You’re going to get a major shock to your system when they become teenagers and you can no longer micromanage every detail of their life. Good luck!

bridgetreilly · 30/06/2019 09:56

Being a parent is sometimes about being mean. And honestly it does not matter AT ALL what other parents let their children do. You decide.

Mosaic123 · 30/06/2019 10:22

It's better for their teeth to have a big portion as a one off and then clean teeth than a couple of sweets every day for a week.

Let them have the cinema treat.

onemouseplace · 30/06/2019 10:30

We get pick and mix at the corner shop on the way to the cinema but it's done by price per sweet so I let them pick what I think is a suitable (small) amount and then that is that.

Nautiloid · 30/06/2019 10:30

We don't get pick and mix often and so I don't police it. I leave them to it and when it's gone it's gone.

Belledan1 · 30/06/2019 10:34

I agree re poundland. Only small tuvs but feel like having own tube. Wilkos are good value too

Dieu · 30/06/2019 10:37

Seems rather joyless to me - sorry!

CookPassBabtridge · 30/06/2019 10:45

Cinema every week then no I wouldn't let him have a massive portion. An occasional treat then let him enjoy it!

DurhamDurham · 30/06/2019 10:49

My are grown up now but I used to let them eat a cup full of pick n mix at the cinema. It was a treat and they know they couldn't eat sweets on a daily basis. I think if you have too much control you risk making the sweets seems much more attractive than they actually are. Maybe if you relaxed a little out son would too and not make such an issue out of eating sweets? I don't remember having to agonise over the issue when my two were children.

Blondieg · 30/06/2019 10:55

Perhaps he's becoming obsessive about food because your being overly strict about it?? Just a thought

Mayday19 · 30/06/2019 10:59

My dc will get the pick and mix to themselves but they rarely finish it in one go. Ideally it's better if they can self regulate and I think children will often do this (and not be like me who can't have chocolate in the house without finishing it).

Papergirl1968 · 30/06/2019 11:02

Dds asked for pick n mix at Wilkinson’s. Oldest crammed as much as she could in and met me at the till. We didn’t realise you had to weigh them where the sweets are and put a sticker on. They came to around £10. I was horrified but had no choice but to buy them. And she left most of them. I finished them off about six months later but a few I didn’t like got binned. Never again.

RonnieScotts · 30/06/2019 11:11

I think you sound a bit controlling with the whole food and treats thing...and your DS is at risk of developing an unhealthy relationship with food. If you just chill a bit and encourage healthy choices at home, the odd tub of sweets won't do any harm.

I have a friend who always strictly monitored her DD's food intake, wouldn't allow her any extra bread at the dinner table etc (telling her from an early age that too many carbs would make her fat) I've witnessed the counting the of sweets she was allowed (on a cinema trip coincidentally) and she is now a teenager who hoards food in her room, spends all her pocket money on fizzy drinks and sweets and hides down the road to eat them before she gets home. Steals bread and biscuits from the kitchen after her DM goes to bed. When eating out, as the girl is getting ready to order the DM says things like 'now now let's think about a bikini body before we make our order' on a trip out on a hot day I bought our DD's an ice cream after our lunch and she was noticeably angry (with her DD, who she reprimanded but not with me) for the rest of the day she kept referring to the 'naughty' ice cream and how they'd have to cut calorie intake for the rest of the day to make up for it.

Pengyslittlebrother · 30/06/2019 11:14

I would avoid taking some of him. Will surely totally ruin the treat, becomes about the sweets he isn't allowed.

That said my youngest will often stop when he has had enough and because it's exciting to save leftovers for after school. My eldest needs a reminder along the lines of stop before you feel too full but then I leave him to it.

Another who was going to recommend Poundland £1 pots if you have one. Perfect solution. Still more sweets than they would get in any other occasion so is still a treat.

Depends on age, would let a 10 year old splurge more than a 6 year old.

Original poster
Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 30/06/2019 11:21

Lol I’m not telling him he needs to have his beach body ready! He has SN and is obsessed with food, it’s all he thinks about. If I let him have free reign on sweets he would actually eat till he vomits. I limit his sweet intake for the good of him, not to be controlling. Healthy choices are offered with every meal and for snacks, he’s allowed sweets just not as often as he would like (after every meal and for snacks).

We have come to an agreement that he can choose a normal sized bag of sweets or a set amount of pick and mix. He’ll also be having popcorn and a drink so I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.
Thanks for the suggestions.

OP posts: