to think in-laws suggestion is crazy

[IamAporcupine]

We (DH, DS7 and me) will be going to see them for two weeks in December. It's a 12 hrs flight, 7hr difference (it is relevant).
We would stay one/two days in their home city and then the plan was to all go to the coast to spend Christmas there, where one of DH's friends will be too. It should be a 2hr flight.

They now suggested DH could drive instead. It's a 10hr drive. Not a big deal allegedly, as we could do it overnight

DH feels bad because they are usually happy to go along with our suggestions, so thinks we should just accept, but AIBU to think this is way too inconvenient? Plus, I do not understand what is the reason behind it (they haven't said)

Why do they feel that they can volunteer your husband to drive for ten hours over night? It's a dangerous thing to do even when when someone hasn't travelled all that way. This has disaster written all over it. Who would want to be cramped in a car, five of you, not being able to move/stretch, etc? They are very unreasonable for expecting your husband to do this just to suit them. It's a huge ask and will definitely spoil your husband's holiday. It's got to be a no.

I once drove for that long during the day. No way would I have done that either overnight or with passengers. Either one is far more tiring. Both would be suicidal.

Is there a health concern that would prevent flying?

Driving 10 hours overnight when jetlagged sounds like an accident waiting to happen, tbh. A 7 hour time difference takes more than 2 days to recover from.

Woulldn't that mean you'd have to drive 10 hours there, and then 10 hours back at the end ? Yikes, that's 2 days gone, essentially. Even if you do it at night, you'll be wiped the next day, total write off.

Its absolutely not the same as doing a 2 hour flight! For one your DH will be relaxing for those 2 hours, not driving straight for 10, jet lagged! Sorry, but I'd say it's really not ok to ask someone to drive that length of time while jet lagged. There's got to be something else going on...

It's a crazy idea, and as PPs say an accident waiting to happen.
Also at holiday time the roads might be busier.
Presumably he'd have to drive back too?

Driving overnight when you're already tired and will be the only driver is a good way to kill everyone in the car.

We recently did a 12 hour overnight drive, we live in another EU country and often drive on holiday instead of flying, I totally understand the logic - flying always takes hours longer than the flight time door to door and can be very expensive compared to driving if there are 4+ people travelling.

However we did our last 12 hour night drive after I'd come off night shift, and though I'd usually do half or 1/3 of the driving 4-6 hours) I began to feel very unsafe after driving for barely 2 hours. If I'd been the sole driver we'd have had to find a motorway hotel for the night or I'd have fallen asleep at the wheel and killed my family. As it was DH did almost all the driving, and was ok as he was on a normal sleep schedule.

Having just come off night shift is similar to jetlag.

Your DH needs to refuse in safety grounds given the jetlag and some driver facts, or he could end up responsible for killing your 7 year old when he falls asleep at the wheel. His parents' unexplained whim is insignificant compared to that.

Is there a health concern that would prevent flying?

Nope - they have been here recently so flew 12hrs.......

*sole driver not some

It’s supposedly going to be a ten hour drive. What’s going to happen if you run into traffic or roads are closed and there are detours? Plus, I bet you’re going to need to stop so people can stretch their legs, get snacks, and use the loo, is that included in the 10 hrs?

Yanbu.

If for some reason they suddenly can't fly the alternative is staying at theirs/ in their town over Christmas and skipping the idea of going to the coast. The alternative is not driving 10 hours overnight while jetlagged with a car full of passengers including a child.

Your DH needs to refuse in safety grounds given the jetlag and some driver facts, or he could end up responsible for killing your 7 year old when he falls asleep at the wheel. His parents' unexplained whim is insignificant compared to that.

I am very confused re. why this was not his first reaction.

Nope.

Tell them you will meet them there, they can drive if they want but you have already paid for the flights.

Perth? It'll be disgustingly hot. He'll be jetlagged, it won't be safe. You're only going for 6 days?! Definitely not worth a 10 HR drive that only your DH will do, even if all of you took turns, 10 hours is stupid and pointless.

@phoenixrosehere - nope, none of that is included in the 10 hrs. so it is likely that the 10hrs will turn into 12hr

The more I read the answers the more I think this is 100% crazy (and dangerous). What's worse is that we even had an argument about this, as I was being difficult

What size of car will it be as you will need room for luggage 4 adults and 1 child. Plus anything for the journey. Will you do stops for food and loo. Not very relaxing for your Dh. 24 hours on a plane plus 20 hours driving. He will need another holiday when you get home

I wouldn't be willing to do that and neither would my partner. If it's such a great idea they can drive but lm guessing they don't want to! Always interesting when people suggest you do stuff they would never agree or want to do themselves. It's too long, too dangerous especially with jet lag, could easily spiral to 12-14 hours and won't everyone be uncomfortable in such a confined space for so little my

Your DH needs to refuse in safety grounds given the jetlag and some driver facts, or he could end up responsible for killing your 7 year old when he falls asleep at the wheel. His parents' unexplained whim is insignificant compared to that.

I agree with anothernotherone.

It's silly to compare a the time involved in the 2 hour flight with driving 10 hours- for everyone concerned, not just your DH. DH can relax, and everyone can interact, move around etc.

I can't begin to imagine why your pil suggested it nor why your DH would give any consideration!

Sounds a pretty shitty holiday to me. Being cramped in a car for that long. How bloody boring for your child.

I agree with everyone else who has said about how dangerous it is. It's DH holiday too. Doesn't he deserve a relax. It will cost a fortune in petrol too. Whose paying for that?

Absolutely refuse on safety and enjoyment grounds.

No chance, not after that long a flight and barely any time to recover from it. But can't you fly direct to the coast and meet them there? Seems silly to fly somewhere for 48 hours then fly somewhere else..........

The 10 hour drive isn't a big deal. A 10 hour drive with 1 driver after a 12 hour flight with jet lag sounds utterly miserable

IamAporcupine focus on the safety when you discuss it. If you talk about being cramped/ uncomfortable/ miserable/ not a holiday/ boring for DC/ tiring and so 9n, while those are valid points they can be countered with arguments about being kind, not wanting to upset his parents, them probably having their reasons, your DH not minding blah blah blah and you'll be expected to back down to "be the bigger person" or whatever.

Risking killing your child is non negotiable though. The risk of falling asleep at the wheel under the specific circumstances you describe is very high.

This can't be negotiable with a child in the car.

It seems they are trying to cadge a free trip in a car rather than shelling out for a flight! You would need a car though when at the coast. Don't your in laws drive at all where they live?

They’re quite CFs for saying DH should drive 10 hours when you’re already flying halfway across the world to see them.

Presumably it’s 10 hours back as well?