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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What’s the deal with not liking a drink?

92 replies

Shootingstar1115 · 29/06/2019 14:19

Hi all. I’m a 27 year old Mother of two who hadn’t had a drink in a few years. A variety of reasons why, not liking the taste, not liking the effect, not liking hangovers and also some of my relatives have or have had massive drink problems. I seen a lot of shit in my childhood caused by alcohol and it put me off. I also live in the middle of nowhere and taxis are expensive. I don’t have a problem with others drinking in moderation of course.

Every time I mention that I don’t drink. People seem shocked like I’m such an outsider. Oh go on have a drink you will be the odd one out. But it really doesn’t bother me that I don’t drink nor will I give in to peer pressure.

On a hen do recently and they are all shocked I won’t be drinking on the wedding day. I have to drive home anyway so I couldn’t if I wanted to.

Does anyone else feel that you are kinda left out because you don’t drink??

OP posts:
formerbabe · 29/06/2019 14:21

Yes, I definitely feel the same as you. Constantly feel like I have to justify myself.

Wolfiefan · 29/06/2019 14:22

Honestly? I think some people hate it when others don’t drink as it forces them to admit their drinking habits aren’t how everyone drinks.
I am on medication and so drink rarely and in very small quantities. If anyone judges me for not drinking alcohol I would say it says a lot more about them than me!

Yeahnahmum · 29/06/2019 14:22

Sure do. But couldn't give a shit tbh Grin. My life. My choice. Stuff them op. You are making great decisions here. You should be applauded, not frowned uponSmile

Original poster
Shootingstar1115 · 29/06/2019 14:23

I just get fed up of explaining why I don’t drink over and over again lkke not drinking makes me kinda abnormal or something 🤣

OP posts:
Mabellavender · 29/06/2019 14:24

Did you drink at the hen do op?

Jeremybearimybaby · 29/06/2019 14:25

I find it gets better as you get older. I live in rural Scotland, so drinking to excess is ingrained in the culture here - not drinking would be seen as weird.
I do like, and partake in, alcohol, but not to excess, and will frequently have a soft alternative. I used to lie and say I was on antibiotics or similar so I didn't get hassled about it, but I don't bother now. People are more accepting the older we all get!

darkriver19886 · 29/06/2019 14:26

I don't drink because of who it turns me in to. People are always surprised.

DCIRozHuntley · 29/06/2019 14:26

I've only drunk perhaps 10 alcoholic drinks in the past 8 years. I've never found anyone has a problem when I just say "Nah I don't really drink", but I would normally only be in a social situation where we're buying rounds or they'd know I wasn't drinking with people I know pretty well, so it's not a surprise.

LifeIsGoodish · 29/06/2019 14:31

I used to do an activity with a group who rented a room in a Methodist church. Once a year we'd hold a fund-raising party. In keeping with Methodist teetotal principles, no alcohol was allowed on their premises.

The number of people in our group who were shocked and would complain about it every year! "You can't have a party without booze!" "It won't be any fun without wine!" Moan moan moan. Some would refuse to come, some would try to smuggle alcohol in, and were shocked when the Committee supported our landlord and told them to leave.

Oddly enough, those of us who respected our landlord's rules and came to the parties, whether or not we normally drank alcohol, always had a great time and also managed to raise tidy sums for that year's charity.

Choca · 29/06/2019 14:35

I don't drink either op. I don't like feeling tipsy, don't like the taste of it, and I'd sooner have a soft drink or water. We go on all Inc holidays where I stick to mineral water, DH says its wasted on me!
Tbh I rarely go out to pubs etc so it's not a big deal but I'm sure people think I must be a former alcoholic when I say I don't drink.

Yellowroses27 · 29/06/2019 14:35

I'm reading 'the unexpected joy of being sober' at the minute and it really goes into society's weird views on drinking and how it's somehow compulsory in certain situations.

I like a drink but am trying to cut down hence buying the book! But I do feel there's more a movement towards your way of thinking these days. Lots more people are sober now and it's almost cool - a bit like being vegan etc.

Of course you'll still get people who don't understand your choices. But they are your choices and it's your life. Live and let live I say.

phoenixrosehere · 29/06/2019 14:35

Sometimes but that’s usually because there is nothing really to do in my area that doesn’t revolve around a drink. My only choices are gym, shopping, or movie theatre. I find myself training it to London a few times a month since it seems it’s the only city nearby that has constant activities floating around that aren’t centred around booze.

The idea of sitting around drinking doesn’t appeal to me whatsoever. I can do that at home. I don’t like the taste of alcohol anyway and never have. Plus, my tolerance is so low. A few sips give me a headache if it’s a strong alcohol. Fizzy alcohols can give me strong stomach pains so I have to dilute it in most cases.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 29/06/2019 14:36

I don't drink and don't find anyone pressures me to do so. But turn down a slice of cake in the office and .... fuck, I'll never hear the last of it Shock But I don't like cake And I like the effect it has on me even less.

I do smoke (occasionally). And cavort with younger men. My life isn't as joyless as it may appear Blush

scaryteacher · 29/06/2019 14:38

I just say I'm the duty driver, and that usually ends the conversation.

I don't drink much alcohol as I have an auto immune disease that doesn't like it. My Mum, who has spent years worrying that her gc might turn into alcoholics because my late father was one, gave me the third degree last time as to why I wouldn't have a glass of wine the last time I was staying with her. She can't grasp that I have insomnia,and hot flushes atm, and alcohol doesn't help.

jennymanara · 29/06/2019 14:40

Depends on your friends. DP does not drink alcohol, neither does my brother, neither get hassle for it.

Whatsforu · 29/06/2019 14:42

Yes I get this, you either get the sympathetic looks as some think you must be a recovering alcoholic or it's total disbelief and you must have a medical condition!! I actually find it quite sad.

LolaSmiles · 29/06/2019 14:46

Most people don't care either way (drinkers or tetotal).

The people who make a big deal out of people not drinking are the ones with unhealthy drinking habits or attitudes in my experience.

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 29/06/2019 14:51

I completely agree OP. stopped drinking due to it not mixing with long term pain killers and really just not liking it any more. My other half is hugely alcohol dependent, which he denies, and he hates me not drinking. I’m finding it totally liberating and realised, the only time I got headaches (and they were very frequent) was after drinking. Not had one headache since I stopped.

Floralnomad · 29/06/2019 14:54

I haven’t had an alcoholic drink since I was in my late teens and I’m in my 50s , it’s never been an issue for me or anybody that I go out with .

ThomasHardyPerennial · 29/06/2019 14:54

I get a lot of stick from family members for not drinking, I just don't like the taste of alcohol. Me not drinking isn't a judgment on their own drinking habits, although for some reason people seem to think it is.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/06/2019 14:55

I totally respect someone's right not to drink. I'm not a heavy drinker myself and give up every January.
However, I do think it's unreasonable to go to a drinks party and then complain that people are trying to get you to drink. It would be like going out for dinner and refusing to eat.

Nautiloid · 29/06/2019 14:56

I don't, used to but had a health issue a few years back which left me unable to process alcohol normally. No one has said anything, except my dad who doesn't understand me not having a glass with Sunday lunch etc.

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 29/06/2019 14:59

So annoying that the "social norm" is drinking despite the fact that it's not actually that good for you! The social norm should be not drinking but unfortunately we live in a fucked up world where we normalise it unnecessarily! Just tell them to bog off!

mycatisblack · 29/06/2019 15:05

I think your problem is feeling that you have to justify not drinking to others.
Just because someone asks you a question, you're under no obligation to answer.
I rarely drink and no-one usually questions it, in fact about 70% of my friends don't drink when we go out. If someone queried it I'd probably say something like 'I'm not interested in discussing your problem with my not drinking, thanks.' I definitely wouldn't attempt to justify it to them. If they persisted, I'd probably turn around and start talking to someone else.

TheAnswerIsInABookSomewhere · 29/06/2019 15:06

Life long teetotaller here. I think it’s easier if you’ve never drunk, because chances are your social circle doesn’t drink either. Also, just something I’ve noticed is that “I don’t drink” or “I have never drunk alcohol” is generally accepted as a reason and left alone, whereas “I’m not drinking tonight” or “I’ll only have one” is seen as negotiable.

I don’t like the fact that drinking culture seems to constitute night life and especially, I wish more cafes were all open in the evenings. And NOT used as a place for the very drunk to sober up!