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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What’s the deal with not liking a drink?

92 replies

Shootingstar1115 · 29/06/2019 14:19

Hi all. I’m a 27 year old Mother of two who hadn’t had a drink in a few years. A variety of reasons why, not liking the taste, not liking the effect, not liking hangovers and also some of my relatives have or have had massive drink problems. I seen a lot of shit in my childhood caused by alcohol and it put me off. I also live in the middle of nowhere and taxis are expensive. I don’t have a problem with others drinking in moderation of course.

Every time I mention that I don’t drink. People seem shocked like I’m such an outsider. Oh go on have a drink you will be the odd one out. But it really doesn’t bother me that I don’t drink nor will I give in to peer pressure.

On a hen do recently and they are all shocked I won’t be drinking on the wedding day. I have to drive home anyway so I couldn’t if I wanted to.

Does anyone else feel that you are kinda left out because you don’t drink??

OP posts:

Chloemol · 01/07/2019 22:32

It’s the same for me, made worse in their eyes as I don’t drink tea or coffee either, they just don’t get it. For years I got the why not, just have one. Finally for the past few years it’s all stopped and they now don’t bother me with their stupid comments.

GlamGiraffe · 01/07/2019 22:44

I have about 4 or five alcoholic drinks a year and will generally have a diet coke or orange juice. I've never had anyone question it.
Interestingly a friend has had to give up alcohol for 3 months for health reasons and is really worried about what he will say to everyone at work functions about it as he assumes he will be continually teased, maybe this is the case?

Mabellavender · 01/07/2019 22:51

I think the simple explanation is that it’s just a bit boring alcohol makes everything more fun even just a little bit.

heatingoninjune · 01/07/2019 23:04

Ponoka7 I have never been able to find an alcoholic drink I like the taste of. When you really dont like the taste of alcohol ALL drinks taste of alcohol. It's got a very distinct taste, and yes, all alcoholic drinks have the same taste to them.

You're free to drink what you want with a meal, I'm not going to stop you. However, nothing hacks me off more when I am out and about with people when they try and force drinks on me.

Fstar · 01/07/2019 23:17

Yes and what pisses me off more is people giving me alcohol as gifts, when they know i dont drink.

Mintychoc1 · 01/07/2019 23:19

gwenhwyfar what is a “drinks party”? All the adult house parties I’ve been to have either involved a sit down meal, buffet, or snacks. All accompanied by various drinks, alcoholic and no alcoholic. Do people (apart from students) really have parties solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol? Would non drinkers not be invited?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 01/07/2019 23:19

Drinkers like to think of themselves as 'fun', but it requires everyone else to buy into the illusion. They don't like the thought that anyone will be judging them through sober eyes.

bluebluezoo · 01/07/2019 23:32

IWhy do what? Why go to a drinks party and complain that someone tried to get you to have a drink? Good question.*

What’s a “drinks party”? I have never ever been invited to an event where it’s been specified that it’s main purpose is drinking alcohol.

I am also teetotal. It’s the “ah go on, just one won’t hurt, help you relax/enjoy yourself/loosen up” attitude I can’t stand. Like not drinking automatically makes me boring and no fun, not like the cool kids getting pissed and loud .

Even my mother does it. I swear she thinks I drink a bottle of wine a night, and only don’t drink when she visits to purposely make her feel bad when she “needs” her wine to relax. I was on facetime once and she caught sight of an open bottle I’d used for cooking, the triumphant see! I knew you liked a glass of wine!

EleanorOalike · 01/07/2019 23:38

WTAF is a “drinks party”?! A party for the sole purpose of drinking perhaps? Never heard of them and as a non-drinker I wouldn’t attend. I would however like to think I was welcome at a general sort party and not judged or pressured for quietly not consuming alcohol.

WoollyMollyMonkey · 01/07/2019 23:42

Drinkers like to think of themselves as 'fun', but it requires everyone else to buy into the illusion. They don't like the thought that anyone will be judging them through sober eyes.

Exactly! And if they want to drink themselves into a stupor then don’t be looking to me for sympathy, nor will I be clearing up any revolting puke or piss.

MitziK · 02/07/2019 00:08

No, not liking the taste does not means you've not tried enough alcohol. It means you don't like the taste of alcohol, whether it's in a liqueur, beer, ale, wine, gin, whiskey, rum, schnapps or any manner of alcopops or random moonshine. In my case, there are a couple of drinks that aren't too bad, but I'd far rather have the aforementioned Rose lemonade or elderflower, as I think they are much nicer.

I'd see as drinks party as something with a few nibbles, some supposedly inoffensive background music and lots of small talk over drinks frequently ruined by somebody getting belligerent after having two or three drinks too many, occasionally with some generic juice (which I'm not a fan of either) for the drivers and anybody pregnant.

Might be OK, depending upon the company, but it's not how I'd choose to spend a rare evening out.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/07/2019 19:23

Wow. I didn't realise people wouldn't even know what a drinks party is, apparently can't even guess from the name!

SwimmerGirl40 · 02/07/2019 19:33

@lifeisgoodish

I didn't know Methodists are teetotal. Must be why AA is often held there. I used to walk my dog past the Methodist church while the attendees where out on their cig break and he (the dog) would often stop to say hello, so I used to chat with some.

Alcohol is so ingrained in our culture. Accepted reasons for not drinking are religion, pregnancy, driving and antibiotics/medication. That's about it. I generally drive if I can't be bothered drinking, no questions asked.

bluebluezoo · 02/07/2019 20:29

Wow. I didn't realise people wouldn't even know what a drinks party is, apparently can't even guess from the name!

So would you invite someone to one of these “drinks parties”, and expect them to turn down the invite if they didn’t drink/needed to drive/were pregnant?

I would assume “drinks” meant a social gathering where alcoholic and soft drinks would be served. Drinks as in the absence of food. If it was made clear it was alcoholic drinks only, i’d refuse.

Which is why I wouldn’t automatically know what a “drinks party” is- not your definition anyway. Because excluding people because they don’t drink is fucking rude and I cannot believe anyone would throw a party like thay.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 02/07/2019 20:33

A drink party is a "Please don't arrive hungry because, bar a token bowl or two of nuts and olives, there will be no actual food" party.

mamaofboyzz · 02/07/2019 20:40

Yep I'm sick of explaining this too! It feels as though people think you are boring or a kill joy. I am not completely t-total but only drink on the odd occasion maybe around 2 times a year and that's maybe one or two drinks. People really are annoying with their comments

sobercuriouskind · 02/07/2019 20:51

@Gwenhwyfar It is attitudes like yours that have made my first sober year tricky. I would hate to think that friends wouldn't invite me to a party because I don't drink alcohol. I still love spending time with others, meeting new people and having fun. And best of all I remember it all the next day, don't have a hangover or crippling post booze anxiety. Why would I feel comfortable with people trying to make me drink booze? Why does it make a difference to you if I am drinking (or not)?

OP, most of the people in my life have been so supportive of my decision to not drink alcohol. I also read "the unexpected joy of being sober" and it really hit a cord. The surprise and curiosity I have had from others has mainly been because I used to not have an off switch when I went out and I think it makes others question their own drinking habits.
Overall, my life is so much calmer and happier without alcohol.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 02/07/2019 20:55

Congratulations @sobercuriouskind on your first year sober, wishing you many more

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/07/2019 20:56

I do like the occasional drink but often choose not to have one, anyone trying to persuade me to have a drink I didn't want would achieve exactly the opposite.

I'm another one who never goes to parties solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol. Also, people aren't more 'fun' or interesting after a drink they only think they are.

Curlyshabtree · 02/07/2019 21:12

I don’t drink either, gave it up 15 years ago.
I do think it is more socially unacceptable to not drink - some people really struggle with the concept. I gave up as a lifestyle choice, if I said I was going vegan it would have been much more acceptable. And yes, people assume you’re no fun. I think it’s sooo boring hearing how much people drank at the weekend. I also hate how random people assume you’re going to spend the evening with wine or gin. I always say I’ll have a cuppa.

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/07/2019 21:14

I have tried alcohol but it has a very strange affect on me, even the teeniest little amount. I can also get drunk in Diet Coke.
Anything that is sweet and fizzy and caffeinated goes straight to my head
I don’t drink at all but have made a few mistakes over the years.

I was on the low carb diet and someone said that instead of sugar in my coffee I should add a couple of tspns of vanilla essence.

The room was spinning and I couldn’t stand let alone drive my Dd to the station.

sobercuriouskind · 02/07/2019 21:17

@Myimaginarycathasfleas thank you so much, that means a lot x

HarryElephante · 02/07/2019 21:20

I've given up drinking and I genuinely couldn't care any less what anyone says or thinks about it.

I don't judge anyone for the non-drinking banter, but nor do I really engage in it either.

Notgotajarofglue · 02/07/2019 21:25

Drinkers like to think of themselves as 'fun', but it requires everyone else to buy into the illusion. They don't like the thought that anyone will be judging them through sober eyes.

This x10000000 and I say that as a recovering alcoholic

JennyBlueWren · 02/07/2019 22:22

I was on my work night out on Friday. Had to be up with children the next morning and I don't normally drink much anyway unless there's something I particularly like such as a good beer or cocktail.

No one said anything about it (other than commenting on me having no excuse for dancing on the bouncy castle as I was sober) and when they offered to get me a drink were quite happy to get me a soft drink with no comment.

Maybe I'm just lucky in my colleagues.

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