To wonder about if I should complain about the homophobic bullying/ language my son has been subjected to at school yet again

[Sl33pingfox]

15 year old ds is gay. Suffered homophobic bullying at school( physical, verbal and cyber). School were very good and robust in its dealing with it both individually and on a whole school basis. My son received counselling and mentoring as it hit him hard.Low self esteem, anxiety, hating being gay etc.

He is very low at the moment. He is bright and not achieving expected grades in several areas although doing ok ie keeping his head above water and focusing on reaching his high targets with some success.He has also suffered two bereavements this year and has cut himself off from all bar one of his friends( who is also gay). Anyhow he has just told me again how he hates being gay, has low self esteem, is feeling anxious sad etc. Turns out some boys were saying how being gay was unnatural etc in conversation with him and his friend has been pushed out of the way in corridors, told to “ get out of the way you gay......”

Really don’t know what to do. Have told him to go back to the councillor but do I complain to school again too? The homophobic language really gets him down but he is going to sadly have to live with it as it’s everywhere. That said being at school you are a captive audience and children really should be able to grow up feeling confident in themselves.

So tired of this and angry too. I hate seeing him sad and suspect it’s having an impact on his grades and general well-being . School must be a bit weary of it though and it sounds so trivial when it isn’t you as a person who is dealing with language like this.

Yes, go to the school every single time without hesitation.
Also try to find a teenage LGBT support group for DS.

It's not trivial at all OP!
Your son needs to see the councillor.
It's totally unacceptable and the school should have a no tolerance policy on this. Go and complain.
Imagine if this were rascist bullying? It wouldn't be tolerated would it?
Speak to your son about it and maybe look into changing schools if they don't come down hard on this.
Your poor son. I'm so sorry people are still having to go through this 😥

Id also get him to keep a diary of such incidents. It makes it harder to dismiss if theres a catalogue of behaviours.

Where are you OP? Where I am there are LGBTQ+ youth groups and the local Waterstones does a gay (+) book group which is v popular (and also has a young person queer fiction top ten).

I think all and every incidence had to be logged with school, in the workspace it wouldn't be tolerated and so should be the same with school.

So sad for your DS, the mind boggles that things like this are still happening

We’re in the SW. He tried an LGBT support group but found it hard to intigrate as his self confidence has dropped through the floor and he is a bit shy. They all seemed to know each other too. He used to make friends really easily but is a shadow of himself now. His mentor has arranged for him to do some volunteering at the group and we’re trying to find another one too.

I’m worried he’s now depressed. Don’t think he’d do anything silly as always talks things through. I’m so angry that crap outside the house has caused this.

Will get him to keep a log.

Reading this makes me really sad. I have a ds who is 12 and also isolated for different reasons (has ASD). It does damage their self esteem and they find it very hard to keep up optimism that things will get better.
I think you should absolutely get on the school’s case every time.
Love to him and you

Your poor son.
No it wouldn't be out of order to refer back to school. It does seem that homophobia is on a worrying rise again and I think schools need to do a lot more to tackle it.
Would it also be possible to suggest to school that their Police liaison comes in and speaks to the kids involved? Our school has done with similar incidents and it has worked incredibly well.

Serial bullies (where it is evidenced and clear) should lose entitlement to a school place.

Go to the school, and rather than 'complain', demand to know what they are doing to keep your son safe.

Your poor DS bullying is never trivial. It has life long consequences on the victims.

You say you live in the SW. are you fairly rural? Would you be better moving somewhere a bit more cosmopolitan? It’s not ideal but sometimes moving away is the only option.

Unfortunately these kids attitudes probably reflect those at home and these kids probably have an attitude what they’re saying is right.

Can you get him to see a psychiatrist what specialises in gay issues.

Give your son a big hug from all of us.

Keep reporting it, its totally unacceptable in a school. Yes there will always be homophobia about but school should be safe.
It will get better as he gets older and goes to university gets out of the horrible school culture and meets more people. Not that is helping now. Are there online groups he could join? He might find it easier to talk online if hes shy.

Also if you think he has suicidal thoughts talk to PAPYRUS, suicide prevention charity they are ace.

Thank you for all your kind words.

I hate bullying so much. It cause so much harm to children.

This has been going on for decades in schools and it is no better and I don't understand why?

To those with DC in school, what do schools actually do about bullying?

Yes go back to the school. Every single time.

Your poor son. Yes, report it every time. High school can be tough enough without any homophobic little shits picking on you.

Have you come across the It Gets Better Project? Your son might find it helpful. itgetsbetter.org/

Homophobic bullying is recorded and reported separately in our school which shows you how seriously it should be taken. It's a hate crime and you can always report to the police if you can get names.

Could he move schools? I only say that because I think that it’s unusual for young people to have such horrible views about sexuality nowadays- and it sounds as if this school has an endemic problem- maybe even among the staff..

Homophobic language like that is not something he will just have to live with. If someone said something like that to me in my workplace they’d be disciplined, possibly fired. Go to the school, let them know it’s still an issue.

I will be contacting them, can’t move as GCSEs next year.

I like the idea of that It Gets better page.

I am not sure OP. It is awful.
We are experiencing similar with my nephew, he hasn't come out as gay but has been labelled as gay. he mostly like is gay but it is his business
The girl's are worse , one girl was reported she got her boy from another school with his pals to beat nephew up.
I get it is hurtful but it would be best to ignore unless violent.
Can you take him out to finish GCSE at home?
I don't know the answer but fear their self esteem getting so low, I fear DN could take his life.
Now he wont go out.

Your DS will find his people, hopefully in college, when you're stuck in school it feels like it will never end.
Is there any online group to get support in dealing with it.
Teen years are about survival, I tell him often when he finishes school, life starts.

Complain. After each incident. This is NOT acceptable.

If it was deal with well by the school before, why wouldn’t you let them know again? Seems odd not to.

This is exactly why schools need to cover LGB(TI). It's not okay at all for your son to be subjected to this and the school need to come down hard on those who are bullying.
I grew up in the 70s where it was 'acceptable' to pick on people because of their sexuality, race/skin colour/disability. I soon learned that it was not a way to behave or think. It seems we are going backwards as a society instead of forwards.
As MissKitty says - complain. Every time.