Secret child

[Hp737]

Wwyd here? A friend of mine has jsut found out that her dp of 4 years has a secret child, who has just turned 5- he’s never met or had contact with her. He had always told dfriend there was “a secret he wasn’t ready to tell” about himself which she has vaguely wondered about to me sometimes but we never in a million years expected it to be something like this. He’s finally told her as a result of a “mental breakdown” and seems to expect everything to carry on as is- I believe he is going to seek contact with the child and dfriend is saying she will support him through it but what would you make of a guy capable of this? Would you stay? I’m livid on her behalf tbh. It’s a massive deception. I don’t want to give her bad advice but I feel shit for her.

What a prize he sounds. He’s taken his sweet time in deciding to do the decent thing

I would have left him that very moment. Nothing in this life can explain not being a parent to your child.

I’d leave him. Why would I want someone who abandoned his child?

I wonder if he knew he had to tell her before marriage and kids and hence the breakdown. I think this is a man who is capable of selfish compartmentalisation and it was threatened when he realised he had to tell her/seek contact before it became a more heinous lie/omission after marriage.

You have no reason to give her any advice as you don't know all the facts

Welcome to MN, that's not really how we do things here.

@swingofthings

Wait... so we shouldn't judge the useless father because we don't know all the facts...

But then you make up a scenario about the woman tricking him into getting her pregnant? Ummm ok then.

But then you make up a scenario about the woman tricking him into getting her pregnant?
Sadly I know enough cases to know this does very much happen and yes, I have very little sympathy for those women who do what they want against the wishes of their partner and then go on about what a deadbeat he is.

Of course we don't know that is the case here, but he could be.

At the very mention of “a secret I’m not ready to tell” I’d be out of there! It’s pathetic and attention seeking behaviour

When she told me that he said he had “secret” I was a bit yes.
I’ve jsut texted her saying I’m here for her whenever she needs to talk. In all honesty I don’t think I can be even cordial with him for a while so best to avoid him as much as I can. Tbh I agree with pps who say that you could never trust a man like that again.