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Original poster

To be utterly sick of the concerned head tilts...

152 replies

MuffinMachine · 28/06/2019 07:58

When I tell people that my 11 month old is neither walking or crawling. And yes they have asked.

They all do the tilt, tut, some have even said "oh dear" and then gone on to recount tales of babies they knew that practically tap danced out of the womb.

I wouldn't even be concerned if it wasn't for these reactions. 11 months is perhaps on the late side but surely it's well within normal, given crawling isn't even technically a milestone? What exactly are they trying to imply about my baby, that she has shit knees or something?

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 28/06/2019 09:59

The annoying thing about being a parent is that everyone has an opinion on what you should do and the most obnoxious point it out to you. I'm afraid it never stops, I'm still listening to people telling me "you should...." or "oh has your DD...." and mine are 15, 12 and 6!!!!

As you get older in life you realise that you have to start a little chant in your head when these people open their mouths and then go merrily on your way - but I agree, we all want to scream at them (imagine if you did scream at your SIL next time she did that ........). I'd love to have the courage to do this.

Elphame · 28/06/2019 10:00

Make the most of it!!

DS didn't crawl until he was gone 12 months old but DD was mobile at 5 months and walking by 9 months!

I know which I preferred.

NewAccount270219 · 28/06/2019 10:01

I can remember one woman very put out that my first born had teeth and hers didn't!!!!

The teeth thing is definitely the weirdest milestone that people compete over. DS 'won' that competition and people got genuinely quite snotty with me about it - the links between walking or talking early and future intelligence are very shaky, but teeth is literally completely meaningless!

abitoflight · 28/06/2019 10:05

DD1 didn't walk until 16 months. I felt concerned (sadly not on MN then to get reassurance)
She just got up and walked properly with no falls. I reckon just waiting until she was ready.
Wasn't much of a crawler or active at all really 😂

NotAnEMERGENCY · 28/06/2019 10:05

DD never bothered learning to crawl and only started walking when she was 18 months.

She is now 10 years old and came second in the sprint at sports day on Wed.

Wixi · 28/06/2019 10:27

Tell them to mind their own business, all children develop at different rates. My DD (now 9) didn't crawl, and didn't really bottom shuffle until suddenly at 17 months she raised her self off the floor with the aid of the sofa and walked confidently across the room! Only you know your DC and if there is anything to worry about at all.

neveradullmoment99 · 28/06/2019 10:32

All my children have been over the age of 1 before the were confident to walk. Tell them that all babies are different and move on.

neveradullmoment99 · 28/06/2019 10:33

Its just you have a lazy baby Grin
I mean why bother if everyone else is running around after you lol :)

IncrediblySadToo · 28/06/2019 10:34

If you told me I’d be more likely to say something like ‘count your blessings it’s great knowing they’ll be exactly where you put them down. They’re so much more work once they’re on the move’

Try not to let it get to you though. It doesn’t matter what your child does/doesn’t do or when people will make some comment it’s human nature and it won’t change anytime soon!

flamingjune123 · 28/06/2019 10:36

the links between walking or talking early and future intelligence are very shaky, but teeth is literally completely meaningless!

Absolutely this! Hence my ill placed smugness. Dd was so poorly as a baby and struggled at every milestone but she got bloody teeth early!!

Ratonastick · 28/06/2019 10:44

It’s just rude, ill informed and failed to grasp basic child development. DS didn’t move until he was 15 months then he stood up and walked across the room. I’m convinced he was practicing in secret. I don’t know which one of us was the most shocked!

But this reminded me of a very sage Mumsnetter on a previous thread who pointed out to a worried mum that her DS was unlikely to bumshuffle into his A levels.

gokartdillydilly · 28/06/2019 10:52

Your SIL is an idiot Muffin. Soft-soled shoes (or barefoot) is best for babies and first-time walkers. They use the whole foot for balance in the early stages. Don't be tempted to get proper shoes until they are really ready to walk outside. 'Proper' shoes will not help her walk!

All babies develop at different ages and if you and HV are happy with her, that's all that matters.

CCquavers · 28/06/2019 10:56

No child in our circle (except for my own) walked before 1st birthday. We had a party at 1 years and my boy was trying to run around everywhere but all others were babes in arms still.

My point is it's not normal for under 1 to walk. By 18months I would start to worry but otherwise just say ' I'm so lucky I can sit in coffee shops and not have to run around for my baby yet' Say this with beaming smile and watch their smug faces contort in pain. (like mine did)

IntoValhalla · 28/06/2019 11:00

My best friend’s boy didn’t crawl at all. Completely skipped that stage entirely and started pulling himself up on furniture. Then at around 18 months, just let go of the furniture and walked across the room!! We were both just sat there agog like Shock “well that was most unexpected!” Shock

LegionOfDoom · 28/06/2019 11:00

All children are different don’t worry about it.

My dd was full term, no issues. She never crawled and only started walking at 17 months. She just wasn’t bothered until then.

My twins on the other hand were born at 28 weeks, spent 8 weeks in neonatal unit and came home on oxygen. Both started walking at 10 months! It looked so odd because they were tiny for their age and looked like little 6 month olds!

If the hv has no concerns just enjoy the next few weeks/months while you can. Once they start, it’s full steam ahead and they’re all go go go!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/06/2019 11:02

According to my Mum, I didn't even attempt to move until 18 months. Well, 'Sat on my lazy arse' was the way she described it. Don't worry! Tell them all the bugger off.

Yabbers · 28/06/2019 11:04

I get the same “aww poor you, poor her” head tilt when I say DD has a disability. Fuck off, we don’t need pity.

She didn’t crawl til 2 and a half, wasn’t on her feet properly (walks with support) til aged 3 and a half. Still people, knowing she had a disability, claimed one day she would just surprise us and get up and walk. As of her brain all of a sudden wouldn’t be damaged, as if she was just being lazy. Such a dickish comment even if it comes from a good place.

comoagua · 28/06/2019 11:05

you've had it checked out by the HV and she's fine - you need to keep saying that. Late crawling can be a bad sign - it's not unnatural that people are concerned enough to mention. I know someone whose baby was a late crawler and was diagnosed from there but this isn't your case thank goodness.

Yabbers · 28/06/2019 11:07

It looked so odd because they were tiny for their age and looked like little 6 month olds!

@LegionOfDoom. My favourite were the judgy looks at us apparently feeding a new born baby grown up food. At 8 months she was still tiny but had been weaned since 5 months so was on to fairly big chunky food by then.

NoEntryIntoTheMind · 28/06/2019 11:08

Parent of a late walker here. 11 months is early for walking IMO (mother of two lazy babes).

thecatsthecats · 28/06/2019 11:10

I don't like the idea of sniping back at early developers, because I was one!

As upthread, I walked at 7m3w. My mum called my dad at work who told her not to be so silly, then was as surprised as she was.

And now I'm an overweight, weak ankled, dyspraxic and scarred 30 year old! It's very annoying when you state something about yourself and people get defensive about their own babies, when I have zero memories of this apparently incredible achievement.

It's all just cooked up out of the illusion of having control over a nervous and exciting time.

Nanna50 · 28/06/2019 11:13

Why do women feel the need to undermined other women? Comparing babies is like a competitive sport for some and I agree with pp it gets worse.

Most children are crawling by 10 month so this is why you probably get the head tilts because people tend to look at average milestones. It is hard to ignore though, does your SIL always snipe like this? If not maybe you should remind her that her concerns are due to her limited knowledge of baby milestones?

How does your baby get around? Some babies don't crawl they just get up and walk.

madcatladyforever · 28/06/2019 11:14

Good grief the pressure to excel is starting a bit young these days. How ridiculous.

NewAccount270219 · 28/06/2019 11:15

And now I'm an overweight, weak ankled, dyspraxic and scarred 30 year old! It's very annoying when you state something about yourself and people get defensive about their own babies, when I have zero memories of this apparently incredible achievement.

I'm sorry but how on earth are you, as a 30 year old, having enough conversations about when you walked for this to come up?! I didn't even know when I walked until I asked my mum after I had DS. If you are having conversations about this then you have GOT to be shoehorning it in, which is why you get snippy replies.

Milicentbystander72 · 28/06/2019 11:21

I agree. I don't get the comparing babies thing. However mine are teenagers now and parents still compare although more covertly.

Why do parents want a crawling/walking baby early anyway? My dd was early. She was off at 9 months but it was hell. She crawled up shelves, walls and was constantly waking off within seconds. My friends with dcs a similar age all sat quietly and chatted over more coffee because theirs didn't.

Guess what - it means nothing. My dd is 15 now and the clumsiest and non-sporty child I know. Her friend (who didn't walk until 18 months) is a gymnast.

The competitive thing is a big bear of mine at the moment. Some of my dd older friends have just had a Y11 Prom and the competitive "my daughter is the most beautiful" photos by the mums on FB has been a bit icky (to me).

From crawling, to reading, to schools, to Prom dresses......it never stops :(

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