AIBU to think the question, "would you like me to take my shoes off?" is rude?

[Underhiseye2]

Just that really. An estate agent came to value my house today. The first thing he did was introduce himself and we shook hands. The second thing, he stepped inside and looked around and asked "shall I take my shoes off?".

I would never dream of not taking my shoes off on entering someone's house, except maybe my MILs because she is a filthy mare, it's automatic.

Is this question code for, "I think your house is dirty"? Straight up, I am not the house proud lady that my own mother was, but man, this place is clean and tidy. We are part hard-wood floor and part carpet (which could be seen from where estate agent was standing).

Posts like this give me social anxiety. All the mad rules other people live by and feel offended as a result of 😬

Yabu some people prefer shoes on

I wouldn’t dream of taking my shoes off in someone’s house unless asked to do so - he was just asking a question.

I have a job where I go into a lot of other people's houses. I always ask. It never occured to me that asking would be seen as rude. And when I was little taking your shoes off in someone else's house, if not a close friend/relative without being asked, was RUDE.

I assume most Muslims, and actually most non UK cultures would prefer shoes off, but I always ask. (So sorry OP and other if I have offended you unwittingly.)

YABU I’d rather people ask than just traipse in onto my lovely clean carpet with their shoes on, I think that’s really rude.

YABU. There was a thread the other day on here - some people insist on taking your shoes off while other people find the concept absurd.

EA was being polite IMO.

Indeed HeronLanyon any minute now there will be a post along the lines of:

It was lighthearted ffs, cant we have a joke on MN anymore, back in the good old days....

FFS I don't know what's worse

The OP making something rude out of a perfectly normal question or escapade with their weird twilight world

I only offer to take my shoes off in people’s whose homes look pristine as I don’t want to transfer any dirt from outside so definitely not implying your house is manky .

YABU to assume malicious intent to a question that could be asked for all sorts of reasons. Such negativity isn't healthy.

In my own home, I take my shoes off once I can sit down. If that makes me a filthy mare so be it, but I'm not doing the balancing act needed with my wonky joints and risking falling over more than I absolutely have to do so. So, unless you have a chair by the door, my boots aren't coming off and no, I'm not going to ask if there isn't anywhere for me to do so.

Surely it's weird to walk in a strangers house and just take your shoes off?

That's why you ask, it breaks the weirdness of just taking your shoes off. And some people prefer shoes on, it also just keeps some interaction going between you as well, just a friendly opener.

I really don't understand how some people get through the day, if you expend this much energy thinking about a perfectly polite question. Do you go around perceiving slights everywhere?

I really wanna go walk through Ops house with my shoes on now

YABVU estate agents go in many different places and people have different rules. So he was basically checking with you what you preferred. He WAS being polite rather than assuming you wanted shoes on/off whatever.

FWIW I dint care if people take their shoes off or not when they come in my house.
But I hate taking my shoes off when at someone else because my feet get cold, I get cold, it’s just not pleasant at all. If they have a nice underfloor heating that would be different

I always ask, it’s polite to check if people want you to take shoes off.
Yabvu

Many people (myself included) prefer no shoes in the house. I personally don't want dirt, dog-poo, glass shards etc tracked through my (wooden floor) house.

So it's polite to ask. I can't even understand your objection to this perfectly normal, polite question

I have to say I’m much more annoyed at your ‘filthy mare’ comment. It just shows how judgemental you are tbh.

ComeAndDance excellent point.

You’re criticising this man for asking a perfectly polite question, but it’s okay to slag off your MIL? I think you’re on a different page to most of us.

I think a lot depends on how you grew up.

We didn't take our shoes off in our house, so I don't consider it a requirement, unless they are obviously dirty. As it happens, I do change into slippers when I come into the house, but that's for comfort, nothing to do with treading dirt through.

If someone arrived at my house, took their shoes off and started walking round in their socks, I'd think they were a bit weird. Unless they'd been hiking across muddy fields or walking through a flood to get to me.

I've been an estate agent for many years and everywhere I've worked we've always been told on entering a house - ask about shoes!!!!!
We even had a training course where we had to pretend to knock on the customers door for the valuation and do role play valuations and were expected to ask and physically remove our shoes in the training room they were a wanky company though..

I hate visitors I don’t know, taking their shoes off in my house. Don’t know why, maybe it’s just too familiar or something.

I only ask visitors to take shoes off if they're going upstairs as we have stone floors without underfloor heating which is pretty cold even in summer.

I don’t think it’s rude to ask but it’s still a minefield of manners.

I would prefer it they did take off their shoes, but it feels really awkward saying ok yes, take off your shoes. It’s like passing some sort of judgement on their shoes 😁

So I always end up saying ‘oh no it’s fine’, because I think if they’ve actually asked instead of just doing it, they probably do feel uncomfortable about taking them off and would really rather not.

And I don’t want guests to feel uncomfortable. But it never occurred to me until now that taking shoes off could be considered rude either.

Anyway all that is fairly lighthearted moot point in my life by the way. I’ve got teenagers who are a magnet to 10million other teenagers and my carpets just have to fend for themselves mostly.

This is a mumsnet obsession!

It is a class thing (yes I know- it isn't really about hot tubs)

Accept. Celebrate your background. Move on.

Nothing right or wrong just different.

I always tell people to keep their shoes on! I hate people wandering around barefoot or in socks and I think it's a weird modern thing that has seemingly happened overnight. But, it's your house so it's your rules. He wasn't being rude though, I think he was polite

Oneminuteandthenallgone you can tell someone’s class based on whether, or not, they take their shoes off? Or is it based on whether, or not, they ask if they should take their shoes off?

I have to say I’m much more annoyed at your ‘filthy mare’ comment.

Don't be!

We all know it's perfectly possible to keep a clean, tidy, hygienic house, while also not insisting that every guest who comes through removes their shoes (we're shoes off inside, but I can't think of anything more Hyacinth Bucket than asking guests - friends - to remove their shoes. If they want to - fine).

It's those who seemingly aren't able to do that who are the 'filthy mares'. Dreadful term.