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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Scout Pride Parade -to not allow ds to go

96 replies

BigWide · 26/06/2019 15:28

My 10 year old boy scout has had a lot of pressure on him to join in a scout Pride Parade (ie a float in the main LBGQT+ Parade) and I've told him we are busy that weekend but he has had a lot of questions at scouts and I have just had an email asking why he isn't going.

AIBU to think this isn't a place for children, I've been to several Prides (and had a bloody good time) but all have been alcohol fuelled and adult orientated, I would have no problem if we were just watching as could get away if needed but by being in the parade and the field at the end they will. we unable to get away and there for four hours.
I completely support Pride and a person's right to love and be whoever they want, and they have been to my cousins gay wedding but I don't feel comfortable sending them to an adults carnival.

OP posts:

MenstruatorExtraordinaire · 26/06/2019 23:26

I agree with this as well we need to stop focusing on people people's sexuality just take everybody for the human beings they are and move on.

I've seen some really nasty stuff on the internet from pink news for example aimed at straight people. Really horrible offensive stuff that if a newspaper wrote it about LGBT people there would be an almighty uproar about it.

ReanimatedSGB · 26/06/2019 23:39

YANBU and I'm not sure what your Scout group leaders are thinking. 10 is too young to be part of the procession in any other capacity than going along with one's family - for one thing it's a long day, with a lot of people, and if you're on a float, it's a lot harder to bail out and go home if you are tired or not enjoying it. I am in general not a huge fan of taking DC to demos of any kind as participants unless/until they are old enough to understand what's going on and to feel strongly enough to want to go. And, if they are under 14, you should be going with them and have an exit plan if it gets scarily overcrowded or something starts kicking off.
And a polite refusal because you have 'other plans' should be wholly adequate.
Either you've got a Scout leader who is a bit young and a bit of a virtue signaller actively looking for a scrap, or there's been a misunderstanding somewhere.

detangler · 26/06/2019 23:46

Totally inappropriate to pressurise 10 year olds into going. Have they not heard of safeguarding?

Badgerstmary · 26/06/2019 23:48

My 10 year old Scout isn’t going to it either. My dh said we are busy that weekend without even knowing which weekend it is on, for the reasons people have been saying above. Fortunately his Leaders haven’t pressurised anyone to attend. He is going to Scout camp this weekend though!

ReanimatedSGB · 26/06/2019 23:53

My DS is a Scout and absolutely no mention of it has been made at his Scout group. He's coming along with me and my team anyway. But he is 14 and he will be with us lot.

skybluee · 27/06/2019 00:04

I'm gay and I wouldn't want a child at pride.

As far as "I don't understand why anyone has to bring attention to their sexuality. Why do we need to know if someone is hetero, gay, bi etc?

Surely most heterosexual people don't advertise their sexual orientation, so why do others who aren't heterosexal do this?"

It's not at all the same thing.

How many countries in the world are there where people are persecuted or killed for being straight? There's your answer.

When I grew up, I wasn't in fear of my life, but I had friends who had their hair set on fire, was spat at in the street, hassled, asked to leave pubs for holding hands with my girlfriend. It's events like Pride that have partially helped to change this.

Pride happened for a reason and it's part of the reason there's been a huge shift in attitudes and gay people (mostly) don't live in fear in the UK any longer. It's accomplished a lot and I think it's a shame the original message is being pulled in a different direction.

I do not feel it's a place for children though. Especially not a 10 year old.

Bluerussian · 27/06/2019 00:15

What pinkarsedfly said.
You are not being unreasonable.

Original poster

BigWide · 27/06/2019 12:09

Thank you all for your replies and especially the links I have read everyone. I don't want to be "small minded" which is why I wanted to know what MN thought. I really am trying to bring up my children to open minded and inclusive. Many of you have explained reasons that I agree with. I was unaware of the treatment of lesbians and I agree with what they have been saying.
A pp said it was open to the older scouts and I think that would be more appropriate. Thanks.

OP posts:

TabbyMumz · 27/06/2019 12:13

I think they are looking for trouble if they have emailed you to ask. They almost want you to say something thatcthey can find contraversial. I wouldn't want my child to go, but I wouldn't tell them why and give them something to chew on.

Whatisthisfuckery · 27/06/2019 12:27

I’m an adult lesbian and I don’t go to pride anymore. It’s become more about people flaunting their fetishes, and the majority aren’t even gay. The rest is very special heterosexuals with edgy hair dos calling themselves queer.

At one time it was about being out and proud and having a good time with all your lesbian and gay mates. For the last few years you’re lucky if you find anyone you know amongst the thousands upon thousands of people you’ve never seen before. Pride is not for LGB anymore.

RedDogsBeg · 27/06/2019 12:39

How dare they pressure your son to attend and be on the float. You do not need to justify to anyone the reason why your son is not attending, they have no business asking your son lots of questions or e-mailing you to ask why he isn't going. They are looking for a stick to beat you with regarding LGBT issues, just tell them he is not attending, you are under no obligation to discuss it any further with them and to stop harassing your son.

magneticmumbles · 27/06/2019 12:57

I stumbled upon a few 'intimate acts' at Brighton Pride. There's no way I would take my kids. Plus, despite PPs protests that we're all stereotyping and it's completely family friendly, there's a lot of kink on display. Ive seen it with my own eyes. As a grown up, I can deal with that, but it's definitely not suitable for children anymore.

FlapsMagazine · 27/06/2019 13:08

While you are absolutely in your rights to refuse without having to explain yourself, it might be worth checking, or advising your scout troop to check to what extent this particular Pride is family friendly. I noticed the Belfast Pride has a Pride Village, this is where you get the corporate tables, political groups and the family friendly stuff (balloons, face painting, bouncy castle). The other events in the festival are primarily adult focussed and the parade itself normally conducts itself respectfully, as it's in the city centre and we have a strong parades commission due to our other issues. That said, you can't account for individuals showing up in fetish wear unfortunately. Ditto alcohol consumption, though tbf, that's not limited to Pride. The 12th is full of piss heads drinking on street and that's advertised as family friendly.

MenstruatorExtraordinaire · 27/06/2019 13:11

I wonder if no-one is wanting their kids to go and that's why they are having to harrass people to do so.

Kokeshi123 · 27/06/2019 13:14

Agree with pp, many local prides are great events with nothing that would be inappropriate for children.

That said, you have the right to refuse to go for any reason and without explaining your reasons. The Scouts do not own you and you are not required to go for every event.

ToffeePennie · 27/06/2019 13:39

I wouldn’t let him go. Not being funny (I have a gay brother, my children have gay godparents and so on) but they can be really violent and very adult orientated.
My husband has worked at several pride carnivals now (as part of St. John’s ambulance radio crew) and each and every time I have been worried about him, he has returned to me with a few cuts and bruises. I don’t want to scare anyone, but pride carnivals/parades are for adults rather than kids.

MummyToBe89 · 27/06/2019 14:03

As a lesbian myself I wouldn't take my child to a Pride event, the same way I wouldn't take them to any other event aimed at adults. I wouldn't explain my reasons either, you child can't make it and it should be left at that.

Not allowing your son to go does not make you a homophobe so please don't feel like you have to explain yourself, as the whole "we went to a gay wedding!" comes across a bit much. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

MummyToBe89 · 27/06/2019 14:25

@skybluee your message sums it up better than I could ever say.

People asking why there has to be a Pride Parade, there is no Straight Pride Parade....ask yourself if you've ever been beaten up on the bus because you wouldn't kiss your partner to put on a "show" like the poor lesbian couple in London recently.

Pride is still very much needed in this world, when we are all treated equally throughout the world, then there may be no need for Pride and I pray for that day.

I agree a very tiny minority go too far and turn it in to a kink show, but you have to remember 99.9% of people are there to celebrate their love for each other or support their LGBTQ family members.

Aaarrgghh · 27/06/2019 17:43

I wouldn’t give an explanation. You have said you’re busy and that should be enough.

ReanimatedSGB · 27/06/2019 18:48

Bear in mind that 'sorry, we have other plans that day' is a wholly adequate response whether it's Pride, Get Us Out Of Europe Now or Extinction Rebellion.

NKFell · 28/06/2019 15:19

People talking about advertising sexual orientation etc are missing the point, gay people do need to see other gay people, it helps young (and some older) gay people realise there’s nothing wrong with it and helps to normalise it.

Pride however is a kink brigade and in my opinion has lost touch with what pride was supposed to be about.

My sister is a lesbian who loves her lashes, hair, brows and nails. When she was a child ‘feminine’ lesbians were few and far between and she couldn’t relate to people like Ellen or KD Lang, it made it harder for her. Visibility is important.

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