To not tell DH?

[TheLastCup]

Interested in views as not totally sure about this.

A man I work with has made quite a significant play for me recently. I wasn't sure if it was in my imagination as we were friends so would talk to each other anyway etc but still tried to distance myself. He was pretty determined though and as soon as I backed away he essentially asked me out and said he has feelings etc. I said right away that I am not interested in him like that and it's just platonic and have avoided him since. He took it well (I think) and has backed off.

I haven't told DH yet though because I don't want him to worry. I am happy with how I handled it and fairly sure the matter is now over, but just don't want DH to get upset or feel weird or anything, or feel uncomfortable about a situation that is done and dusted in my eyes. Plus I still have to work with the guy.

IABU?

If the majority say IABU I'll tell him. I love DH very much and want to do the right thing.

I can see both sides of this and I don’t think you’re totally wrong either way. I’m very open with my DH and I’m fairly certain I’d say something just because he’s my person I tell about everything. If a guy had gone as far as asking me out, knowing I’m married, then that’s definitely something I’d want to talk about with him. I do understand that if it’s dealt with and there’s nothing more to say, you might not want to rock the boat, but if it was me, I’d just find it more natural to talk about it.

I struggle to see the issue. I've always been open about this sort of thing. As has mu husband, we find it amusing and of no consequence. I'd mention it, but if your marriage is clearly different, as you'd not want to know as you'd worry and you think he is the same, so don't mention it.

Hahaha John from accounts. How did they know (Joking)

I haven’t told anyone in real life. Just here (so by default everyone in Ireland)

Haven't RTFT so apologies but the question is are you being entirely truthful that this has been one sided? If so then definitely tell your DH - it's really simple 'Bob came on to me, he did x, y and z. I did nothing to encourage him and have no feelings for him but I thought you should know'. Any reasonable person would have no issue with that.

I don’t know why you have to tell him anything! Nothing happened! You put him straight, he hadn’t bothered you since.......all this concern for your husband in case he worries! How can he worry over something he doesn’t know???

Defs tell him.

'Failing to mention' = secrets.

Secrets are a killer.

Similar happened to me and didnt bother mentioning it to dh.fast forward two years and I briefly mentioned that the guy had moved jobs and he said who is that and I said do you remember i was friends with him but he came onto me so I cut him off and my Dh was like what. So I’d say mention it now but casually

Tell him. If he finds out later he will need to know why you didn't tell him at the time if it was all innocent.

Dont tell him !
What is to " come out later ?"
Some creep asked me out and I told him to sod off. Big deal
You never said anything as was nothing to tell as you dealt with it
Dont make it more than it is. It could worry him for no good reason apart from you making yourself feel better

Would you like your husband to ‘worry?’

Well ... "John from accounts" came back with a series of quite forward messages. I shut them down in quite a harsh way (which I thought I'd done the first time) but realised that based on the advice of this thread I really should tell DH, so I did.

I did it as suggested by a pp, in a really casual way.

DH narrowed his eyes but then seemed fine and the conversation moved on.

I really hope that's done and dusted.

If he messages you on personal accounts or devices then I would now block him.

You should warn John from accounts that any further messages will be deemed work place sexual harassment, and you will report him
As you have told hubby, Id show him a copy of your email