To give up conditional uni place to TTC?

[thiddlinggubbins]

I've accepted a conditional offer at a local university. I'm happy in my current job but know the only way to progress is to do the degree. Whilst I'm happy now, I know I don't want to be stuck at this level for the rest of my life. However, we'd both really like to start TTC. We know during university there's no way we'd be able to try if I went this September as we wouldn't be able to afford childcare for a baby whilst I'm only getting a student loan. I'm 28 and DH is 35. Would IBU to withdraw from my conditional offer at uni to start TTC?

If you're on a student loan I believe you can get free childcare.

If you're serious about progressing in your career then go to uni. You'll find it even more difficult if you try to go after you have kids.

How many lectures is it a week?

My uni course is pretty intense, when in uni it is Monday-Friday 9-5 and I do placements which is 13 hour shifts, nights and on calls and requires 95% attendance.

But some other courses are several lectures a week which childcare can be doable around.

Does your university offer a nursery facility? Sometimes discounted and can work around your lectures and on site? I know they are few and far between though.

I would go to uni and see how it goes as others have said, it can take some time and if it did take a few years you would have waited around for no reason. I am just about to finish uni and several women in my cohort had babies during the 3 years, took a year out and came back but luckily had a good support system in place to help with childcare.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

This is the eligibility criteria:

www.gov.uk/childcare-grant/eligibility

There’s no financial limits, you just have to be receiving/eligible for a student loan

@00deed1988 was that people on your actual course that fell pregnant? Presumably you're doing some sort of healthcare based degree?

I can afford childcare with my current job but my point is we don't have enough savings to afford childcare if I went to university this September.

Fwiw I know somebody mentioned upthread I've obviously got my mind set. I really haven't. I am taking on board what people are saying, it just takes me time to process it and work out how I feel and what I really want more.

I would go to uni and explore your options for leave after. I did a PhD while having my first. It is much much easier to get a degree before you have children. There is no reason to delay that given you currently don’t. I did 3 years of my degree, then had my first at 32 (and then returned to finish). And then had my 2nd at 37.

I have a great career now and we are very financially comfortable because I did that. Otherwise, you risk getting stuck with no way of progressing (and being much more financially vulnerable) post children. At least with a degree, you have options. You also have no idea how long TTC will take.

Oh, that's a shame. I forget that not all of their courses enable professional registration. In that case, I'd go to uni and then TTC after.

They are people on my course (yes healthcare based - midwifery) one did decide not to come back but the rest did.

But more my point was, if it was only 12 hours of lectures a week (which after a quick Google seems to be the average course) it wouldn't be a huge amount of childcare and you could possibly do a part time evening job around your husband's work to cover costs of childcare (something that people in my cohort do) or do seasonal work in the summer and Christmas time. It is a struggle for 3 years - financially, physically and emotionally but when you look at the big picture it is worth it.....I have been telling my self that for 4 years.

Now I am at the end and my dissertation is in all I have left is some placement hours and the kids are in school and settled (were 14 months and 4 when I started) I can see I did the right thing and now next year me and my husband can TTC again as we would like 4, but we couldn't have afforded it before!

It is easy as an outsider looking in to offer advice, but there are ways around it but you need to have the passion and desire to follow it through as it can be very draining!

@00deed1988 my course is similar to yours. That's a good point about seasonal work. How on earth do people manage midwifery course, placements and and evening job??

if you can’t afford childcare while studying so don’t want to TTC during the course, (btw are you sure? We got childcare element of tax credits when we had DD1 as students - but maybe UC has changed things), how can you afford childcare while studying once you’ve had kids? I feel like I’m missing something. Because isn’t your question then whether to have kids or go to uni?

@SophyStantonLacy we wouldn't be eligible for tax credits due to DH's wage. Our outgoings (mortgage, car loan etc) are quite high so I'd be worried that with the massive drop in income and increase in expenditure we wouldn't be able to afford childcare at university.

I think with kids and then university, we'd wait until he/she was in school so then we'd only have after school care and holidays. Approx half of the holidays I'd be off anyway (half of the summer, two weeks at Christmas and half of easter), DH would take some time off too during the holidays so that would only leave us a couple of weeks childcare.

my course is similar to yours. That's a good point about seasonal work. How on earth do people manage midwifery course, placements and and evening job??

If you’re doing a similar healthcare course with placement hours, it is very difficult to a: juggle childcare and placement as it’s 12.5 hour long shifts 3/4 days a week which are either long days or nights b. It’s often difficult to juggle all that (placement/childcare/home life with keeping up to date with uni work/assignments and exams c. Coping with the financial burden of being at uni is also difficult.

Going to uni is not easy with or without children, it’s hard financially, physically and mentally demanding. Some do leave the course for maternity leave and come back, some leave due to the demands of the course, relationships breakdown because of the demands of the course and others have to take some time out. Honestly op if it’s a healthcare course do it now while you’ve got no childcare commitments.

Approx half of the holidays I'd be off anyway (half of the summer, two weeks at Christmas and half of easter)

If it’s a healthcare course I’d check this as my course runs September to September.

@chickhonhoneybabe I have the timetable from the university and have spoken with the current students

Definitely uni first. It will impossible to do once you have a baby.

There still might be uni work (assignments/revision) to do tho even though it’s holiday/study weeks.

I think now you’ve had a lot of advice the best thing to do would be to write a list of pros and cons.

@chickhonhoneybabe yes good point about assignments and revision. There'll definitely be work to do over Easter and Christmas.

Go to uni!

You should just get on with your degree for now and sort out what to do if you become pregnant, if and when it happens.

You've clearly made up your mind you don't want to go to uni though, no matter what you're telling us about being undecided.

Sorry, new to this and no idea how to reply directly 😂

I have no idea how they manage it but some do. A few do HCA jobs at the hospital so 4 shifts a week instead of 3 or a day at the weekend when at uni. I have the up most respect as my house is a **tip most of the time...the kids have way more dinners out of the freezer than I would like and I don't do anything extra....But assignments, extra study, uni, placement and raising 2 kids (one with additional needs) is more than enough to handle right now! But if people can manage it....hats off to them. I only get 2 weeks off at Christmas and Easter and 4 in the summer too so hard for seasonal work on this course. But some people can get the odd week here and there in bars ect.

Don't ever put your life on hold to try to have children. Life has a habit of not going to plan and you really don't want to look back in ten years time and realise you've been doing nothing but waiting...

What happens if the babies don't come? It's very, very difficult to draw a line under TTC. It will suck years out of you.

I've met several students over the years ( work in healthcare) who have planned to be heavily pregnant while sitting their finals.
I don't know how they managed -(I was 🤮all through my pregnancies) -but they all did & passed too

It took me 8 years to get pregnant so I think YABU to give up your university place for a pregnancy that may or may not happen. Get your degree and a decent job in place now so you have the best maternity package if needed in the future. I'm glad I got my qualifications, travelled and did my own thing before children. Life has a way of throwing a curved ball at you when you're least expecting it.

I wish I had gone to uni before having children. It was very hard doing it afterwards.

I wish I had tried for children before I went to uni. I put it off until things were 'right' and it never happened for us, I didn't know but I had endometriosis that was affecting my system. Our fertility specialist told us it we'd started trying even a year or two earlier, we'd have had a better chance of conceiving.

Ask yourself how you'd feel if you put it off 3 years and then had fertility trouble?

Ask yourself how you'd feel if you put it off 3 years and then had fertility trouble?

I'm so sorry this happened to you Tbh I'd feel awful and so full of regret.

What happens if the babies don't come?

Then I have three options - continue in my current job, reapply for university or go back to my original field.

Fair play to them @Nemesia1264 and @00deed1988. I suppose that is one option @Nemesia1264 , to ttc in final year.